Marriage is on the break......NEED advice....?

ok...long story short. Ive been with my husband for 7 yrs, 3 of which we have been married, and we have 2 children together. There have been so many issues in our marriage from physical and emotionaly abuse to us not trusting the other person. Him nor I have ever cheated on the other, but Im ready for this to be OVER. I use to be the ';:good'; wife. For 4 yrs I stayed home while he went to clubs, I did nothing but spend time with my children and him, I had NO friends. Over the past year I have gone out with friends about 3 times a month and now its a complete problem. Everytime I go somewhere he questions what im doing, and WHO im doing. He calls me a slut, *****, bad mother u name it, most recently I was called the devil. Anyway......Im just tired of the emotional and physical abuse with him. And now Im ready to call it quits. He wouldnt go to counseling before when i was willing to try but now that I want it to be over he says hes sorry and wants to seek professional help....do i stay?Marriage is on the break......NEED advice....?
YOU GO, YOU GO NOW!


what are you waiting for? this man is abusive and you have children there? get out now, start your life again and never go back!Marriage is on the break......NEED advice....?
Abusive people will straighten up for a while then they become lax and start there abuse again . It's a pattern . The abusers are always the same. it's like there carbon copied. You know what I mean? I suggest if you want to leave and don't have a way out then I will give you the # to the Domestic hot line and you and the kids can go. PH# 1-800-799-7233 and they will help you leave him.
no honey you leave you can do better
No one here on Yahoo Answers can and should be giving you the verdict on whether to stay or go.





You have to decide it for yourself.
You need to get away from this abusive and controlling man.





He will never change and you deserve better.
Try counseling and if he refuses to go.. LEAVE his @SS!!!
I really dont know what you should do but I can tell you that you should not let anyone make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. I dont think you're much good to him when you're happy. Men that abuse women usually prey on the woman's lack of self esteem, self love and self happiness. I don't know if marriage counseling has helped abusive men, he should start with anger management first. I am always skeptical when someone wants to change for me, I think the desire to change should be for one's self. You have been the good wife, let him start out by going to anger managemnt and when he's done there perhaps you can entertain the idea of going to marriage conseling.
Oh sure...stay.





You see...once he knows you aren't going anywhere he feels good now that he's manipulated you and the abuse starts again.





Quit screwing around will you? You were going to leave so do it. It won't change, despite what you may think. Quite frankly you can't be all that swift if you think it will. So unless you have a fond desire to be a doormat, which I suspect you do...then have a happy and agonizing life with this jerk. Its pretty clear he has you dancing like a puppet on strings.
I would seek counseling. Sounds like maybe he doesn't want to loose you, calling you names is definatley wrong but when you don't know how to communicate those are things that come our of your mouth. Do you still love him a little? If so its worth seeking the help. Sounds like alot of immaturity on both parts. And we are all guilty of acting childish to some degree. I would give it a chance and see what happens with the counseling. It sounds like the one thing you haven't tried. It could be what will save your marriage. Tell him you will seek counseling, the name calling stops immediately, no touching each other in anger and say nothing to each other that is not positive.
Get out now! You can look yourself in the mirror and say you tried b/c you did. He is a control freak afraid of losing you, whom he enjoys controlling. He will not change no matter how much counseling you get. He is getting upset that you are going out b/c he knows he is losing control of you. Get out and be happy...you have tried, now it is time to make yourself happy and your kids will be better off b/c of it.
i'm trying to figure out why you stayed with someone who was kicking your a$$ then married him?


~Put a pin in that one~


I'm wondering how he's making you feel guilty after he's been digging off in your a$$ about nothing. And i say nothing because they're is never a reason to be physicaly abusive.


~Put a pin in that one~


I'm wondering why you would have a child with a man whos kicking your a$$? Want him to kick your kids a$$ as well?? And YOU STILL STAYED


~pin it~


Now you want out and you dont know if you should stay??





you sound all kinds of Crazy. I'dda left and cut his a$$ the first time he put his hands on me then called my brothers to come and get him. Or the most responsible reply to that one is, I would have called the police.





But now after all the beating (physically and mentally) now you want o leave and he's making you feel guilty buy saying what?? what could he say that could make you feel bad? if you would have been a good little wife, none of those beatings would have happened? Now you feel bad.. Guilty??





And what is it that you love about him? The way he hits you just right so you get the point but your still able to work??





get your shyt together. Stay with him. that's your best bet. you'll end up going back to him anyway. why leave.





You dont know now.. get the phuck outta here.
OK sounds so similar to my ex husband.. It took me almost 10 years to escape him and he is still begging for me to come back. Except that he cheated and I cheated... I believe your husband is cheating on you but you say no and at this point it is not the main issue..


The issue is your kids I have two children also and that was what made me leave! And that is why you HAVE no choice but to LEAVE!!! Stop being selfish and putting those kids through this emotional roller coaster they do not deserve one bit of it!!!!!
Emotionally, if you have somewhere to go, then go ahead and leave. But, as someone who divorced a man with two small children, there are serious financial drawbacks. If he's willing to go to counseling so that he can get to the point where he can let you enjoy your life (and you must go out with friends occasionally), your kids will be better off financially. After I left my husband, we were really hungry. So I rushed into getting married to another man who is even more trouble. If you could slowly work on yourself, get back in shape (it takes about four years after you have a kid to get your self back again), go to the dentist and the chiropractor, get some job training or experience, and gradually widen your social support network, maybe start attending religious services or yoga or something spiritually nourishing. The more self esteem you have, the more clearly and objectively you will be able to evaluate your situation and what to do. Definitely get a good lawyer who will make that man pay enough money for you to stay at home with your kids after divorce. Ask for rehabilitative alimony; since you probably dropped out of school and/or the job force to be his wife he has to close the financial gap between you now. Since he trained those kids to expect you home day and night, they will be deeply traumatized if you leave him and leave them at a babysitter to start a job all at once. Do it gradually if you can. Don't forget the salon. Dying my hair and waxing my legs really helped me get through the divorce.
Your story sounds like mine (w/out the physical and verbal abuse). But I agree with you having to be the one to ultimately make the decision not a website. I was on here looking for an answer or some type of advice to my issue which is somewhat similar. I am really thinking to try counseling, although my husband is very old fashioned and probably wouldn't want to. Seems to help some couples. Worst case is, if it doesn't work, you leave. I think I am going to have to figure out how to prepare myself for leaving as far as financially and emotionally. I know I didn't help much, but know you are not the only one going through this. Good Luck with whatever you choose. I know it is frustrating.
If he is hitting you you need to get out of there no counseling will help this matter and if there is no trust there is no marriage. And if you don't think he was cheating on you all those times he was going to the clubs wake up. To me a guy only goes clubbing for one reason. Woman on the other hand go out to dance with there girlfriends for fun not to pick up guys. Or at least most do if they are in a relationship I'm sure there are girls that are as cheap as the guys. But I tell you if my husband was accusing me of cheating on him all the time and I was getting abused for it I would be at least making it worth my while if you know what I mean. But seriously I wouldn't stick around for that. You have children to think about as well as your life. What are you teaching your children if you stay with him?? Your daughter will think it's OK to get abused and your son will think it's OK to hit his wife and neither will ever trust anyone is that OK??? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
physical and emotional abuse are controlling and are geared toward making you so insecure and down that you stay because you dont feel you deserve better. When you get up enough nerve to say you dont want this anymore they apologize and say they will seek counseling. This is another way for them to control the situation. Love by means of abuse is not true love. He has serious issues that he needs to deal with and you should not suffer those consequences. If he wants to seek help then good for him. In the meantime you need to get away and heal yourself.
I have been where you are! He got a little better AFTER I LEFT! but he still tends to do some of the same controlling abusive things he did while I was with him, I have no more contact than I can help but we do have two children so sometimes I have to deal with him. He is doing this to manipulate you, if you have tried all you can and now have had all you can take, my advice is GET OUT! My 13 year old son remembers when I was with his father and will tell you it was good that I left. Take care of you and put your children first! Build your own self esteem back and stay strong girl! Just remember most of the time manipulators and abusers DO NOT CHANGE, Good Luck!
You need to decide on your own what's best for you. Do you still love him? If he could change and everything could work out well would you WANT it to, or would you want to leave and be alone or with someone else?





If you don't want it to work out, tell him so. Explain, and apologize, saying that you simply cannot live with this emotional abuse (because that's what it is) anymore. Tell him you were willing to work it out before, but now it's too late and he's changed your feelings for him. Walk away, and don't look back.





If you do want things to work, tell him so. Explain to him that he CANNOT verbally abuse you any more. Name calling doesn't fly, anytime in a marriage. Also, you need to have trust for one another. Trust is key to a good marriage. Trust, and respect, and it appears honestly that you two don't have either. If you want this marriage to come out on the positive side, you two need a lot of work. Maybe you hold resentment toward him for being the ';door mat'; wife for the first 4 years of your relationship. You may say you were being a ';good wife'; but I say you were being a ';doormat.'; You let him walk all over you. You stayed home and did nothing for yourself - only for him and your children, which is wrong.





That being said, the two of you need a balance. Why not do this - every other week you each pick a night where one of you stays home with the kids, and the other gets to go out and do something. That way, you're only apart one evening a week, but you each are only going out once every other week without one another. It will be planned, anticipated, and therefore none of the ';slut'; name calling will come out.





How about some family time? My family has ';family fun night'; where one night a week we completely dedicate to spending time together as a family. Each week, we rotate whos week it is to pick the game/activity that we're going to do. If your children are too young to choose the game or activity, you and your husband choose and make a fun night of it!





Make sure that you two rekindle the spark that put you together and allowed you to marry one another in the first place. At least once a month, why not hire a babysitter and go have a date night. (I'd say once a week but I know sitters are expensive and not always as available as you'd like.) Go to dinner, or a movie. Take a walk together, hold hands. Show each other that you're special.





The problem is, once you start a habit as the two of you have started together, it's so much harder to break. It's going to take a lot of work for him to stop treating you poorly, and t's going to take a lot of work for you to demand the respect you deserve. It takes time, work at it. Force yourselves to be intimate and romantic with one another, and it will come back to you naturally, trust me.





Good luck!
No, it's long story long, I can't reed that much. Geezus.