My fiancee and I am are looking at getting married February because of several facts and we love each other so much. But my family thinks I am WAY too young and her and I would not financially succeed. Here are the facts:
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I was a few months shy of 21 and he was exactly 6 months older when we married. We were in a long distance relationship as well. The main difference between us and you is that he already had a well paying job as a self-taught computer programmer/engineer and I owned my photography business. We'd both been on our own and supporting ourselves for the last couple years and we'd graduated high school early too, at 16.
I'm not so worried about your ages as I am about your near-breakups. Fights and arguments are normal and even good, because without them you'd know that one or both of you aren't being honest and real. But a near breakup is something else. If you haven't been together or known each other for at least several years, I'd wait on it.
The money isn't a big deal to me though. It's nice to have and it's hard to have to do without, but believe it or not, love trumps money. If you're positive that you and her are stubborn and determined enough to make this thing work, I'd go for it.Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I married my middle/high school sweetheart both of us at age 21 (we are now 23).
He is a US Marine and I can tell you from 3 years of dating. He has been to Iraq twice and stationed in Okinawa, Japan. He also lived at Camp Pendleton, CA for a few months before I moved there (I was 4 hours away in our home town). Before I moved, I would see him every weekend or every other weekend for 4 months straight.......
So I can tell you we had a lot of distance and time away from each other.
So with that said, I feel I am qualified to give this advice based out of experience.
Please.....spend more time with eachother before you get married.
You need that re-connection with her on a daily bases. Once you get married, you won't always have time together; however, you both need to go through the stages of being together. You will find more things about her, good and not so good, same thing with you to her, about eachother and need that time to learn how to solve such issues.
Another thing I want to point out is that you have this ';life style'; schedule here.
You can get in a car wreck tomorrow and that whole Army career is put on hold or won't ever happen.
That could be a possible reason why both your families are worried. Here is a picture perfected, maped out life but none has ';what if's'; in it.
So wonderful you both are working out and in love. I am not saying you are both too young. As I said, I was 21 so I wouldn't have room to talk.
We are on Ft. Sill (Army base actually) with our necks up in stress/bills because we just bought a house and fully been on our own since day one. With a pregnancy and crappy economy here......trust me, you will come into situations that was not in your ';schedule'; like mine was so ';picture perfected'; maped out just like yours.......
Our families had mix emotions too; however, I am the first ';child'; to get a degree from college while he is the first pretty much in most of his family to go into the military. So we have good heads on our shoulders. In all reality, they eventually accepted fully.
Your parents are just worried. Respect that. One day, you will be worried about your kids marrying at 19-21.
People are so quick at putting an age on marriage, and yes for the most part some do marry way to young. But some people marry for the first time in their late 20's or early 30's, and with in months throw the towel in.
For some odd reason it was ';OK'; to do so, back in the 20's/30's/40's and 50's. Some young girls were 15 when they got married, and their grooms not much older.
My daughter is 18 and has been with jake for a year now (her first b/f) and they talk all the time about moving in, having kids one day, getting married and all that good stuff.
I just laugh to myself when they do so around me, in my mind ';YES'; they are both so young. And i know they wouldn't make it, but who am i to poke my nose in if they were too.
It's one of life's lesson's, so times you have to do and take that chance.
Who are we really to say, what's good for others and what's not. Would i like to see my child fall flat on her face? ';NO'; nor do your or her parents. They all only want what's best, for your both.
But it's not their life to live, i would say do what feels right to you both.
If this is the right one, the women you feel your meant to be with. Then so be it, do what feels right.
Just make it a point to wait on hanging that first baby, and spend as much time with each other.There is not harm in waiting 2 or 3 years before starting a family.
Sounds like you both know what your looking for in life, you might be young to some. But you both have goals and know what you both need and want out of life.
I was married at 19, my husband was also 19. Yes, there is a certain level of maturity ';missing';... but we worked through it because we love eachother. We have been married for almost 9 years, were sealed in the temple 3 years ago. If you wait until you are ';financially ready'; you won't ever get married, there will always be an excuse. Money will always be an issue, even if you start out with ';enough';, unless you are a billionaire.
Do what you feel is right. You are both adults and if you are willing to comitt to eachother, then go for it. Pray about it, ask your Heavenly Father if it is right.
Age, at a certain point, doesn't really have anything to do with it. If you both feel as though you can make the marriage work, then you are ready. Marriage is hard at any age, but it is also wonderful. Just do what you BOTH feel is right.
My big question here is will she be able to continue her education? If she can't then you should wait out of respect for her having the same opportunities that you will have. If she doesn't want to, then it sounds fine, but she may regret it and it may limit her options later on. The not finishing her education part.
It sounds like you two know what you want, and you've been planning it for awhile. Your future is financially stable, and you have valid reasons for wanting to get married now. Don't let your family's feelings get in the way. It's hard when they don't approve, but this is your life, and you know what's right for you. If both of you will be happy with the wedding you've planned, don't let anyone change it by any means.
First of all what does this mean: ';We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.';
Just wanted to know that before I give any real adcive.
However, from personal experience I am 21 and my fiancee is 22 were getting married next december but when we got engaged he was 19 and i was 18- EVERYONE said that we were too young.
I think the best thing we ever did for our relationship was wait untill we got married because we did want to get married right away, but since we were young we faught a lot a lot a lot!!! and just needed to take some time on us.
Personally I think you should fly your girl out for at least a 2-3 week vacation and spend every together and see where you two are at when the vacation ends...becuase you live so far away you have no idea what its like being with this woman all of the time.
Just try it...and good luck to you in your future
First thing first, you know each other by the little time you spend together, and by what you tell each other,when you get married in two weeks following her arrival, you may not click on close levels, maybe she can move and live close to you for a while, spend a lot of time together, living together, is a lot different than hanging out, I would never say you are too young, Movies are made on those long and young marriages that last...But you need to see the person for who they are ...not what you seem them to be
Sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight and know what you want. I think that you're ready if you feel ready. If you have any doubts follow what you're parents are saying but if you don't then I think it wouldn't be stupid to get married.
Anyway, there is something to say for having parental support. Relationships have a tough time lasting when families aren't behind them 100%. I would sit down with your family and have a real heart to heart.
Anyway, good luck and congratulations!
your to young... its all love and dovey but marriage is a big step in life your only 21 maybe get engage first and see where life goes from there and if your truly ready then its up to you both
good~luck
No comments:
Post a Comment