I'm not scared or afraid hes not the one, I know for sure and am willing to take him in good times and bad.
Anyways, For a marriage to work, I'm thinking alot of understand, commucation, honestly, trust.....
But I'm also looking for any tips/advice as to make a great marriage!Marriage Tips: I'm getting married on 6-15-08 and looking for advice and tips!?
Start your marriage with complete honesty - and never keep secrets. Be able to talk with each other - and to always tell the truth - and be able to tackle any problem together. Don't start your marriage with lies, or deception.
Vow to each other to never let the sun rise while you are mad at each other ... get over the madness before the sun rises - and make up with each other.
Each of you give over 100 % - and learn to look for the thing that makes each other take each other for granted - and omit that from your marriage.
Agree --- to disagree. But learn to meet each other in the middle.
Be best friends. Also be able to talk %26amp; communicate. Honor each other.
And know - that marriage is hard work for everyone .. but it has so many priceless memories if you hang in there.
Best wishes to both of you.Marriage Tips: I'm getting married on 6-15-08 and looking for advice and tips!?
dont gain weight.
Go to pre-marriage counseling,that way you start things off right. Marriage is hard,a great marriage is alot of hard work. If you add kids to the mix it's easy to lose track of not only yourself but your marriage. Your marriage should ALWAYS come first. I know this because I have been married twice and divorced once and now seperated. In answering this question I thought what piece of advice would I wish i had been told and this is it.Read some books about marriage.Dr. Phils Relationship Rescue is excellent.......
Enjoy each other and your time together. Be forgiving. Don't expect it to be perfect for the first year (it won't be) You will need time to adjust to being married. Don't keep fighting about the same thing and bringing up old fights. Try not to go to bed angry. Don't bring your family or friends into any fights you guys have. Those discussions should be just between the two of you. Most of all, remember you love each other and that is why you got married in the first place and together you can work anything out. Good Luck!
Here is the one piece of advice that you should listen too: don't get married. If you do get married, make sure you aren't the bread winner, that way when you get divorced he will have to pay you like most divorced men.
Even though you are married don't forget to date each other. You need to always make time for each other if once a week or once a month just the two of you
Remember that you are equal to each other. Understanding, communication and all of that is great. Don't sweat the small stuff and choose your fights wisely. Be each others best friends.
patience. the first few years will be hard, trust me. but be patient and enduring. whenever you get mad and are about to do something ';crazy'; remind yourself of why u 2 got together in the 1st place.
best wishes.
Remember communication is the hardest to do , but the most important. Trust is the hardest to get back once it is lost.Congratulations , I wish you many happy years together. We will be celebrating our 50th this year. He is my best friend.
Here is my best advice. Don't ever make a eggs-bacon big breakfast unless it is on the weekend. EVER! Then you can be nice and offer to make a breakfast occasionally on a weekend.....he will love it. If you make the mistake of offering to make him breakfast before work on weekdays, you will have to get up earlier and have a mess to clean up ever night before beginning dinner. It won't take long before it will be expected and not appreciated. Trust me on this one....and tell no one. Just slide the box of Cheerios and milk on the table during the week.
dont have children for atleast 2 yrs.. enjoy the newly wed thing.. and spend time together and with friends..
Make sure this is what you want. You need to make sure that you will not break up no matter what happens. Listen carefully to your vows. Remember, what God has joined together let no man put asunder. This committment if for LIFE.
First of all, congratulations!
Second of all, I strongly recommend the book ';The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work'; by Dr. John Gottman. It's an excellent, down-to-earth, easy-to-practice book for any couple, even if they aren't having problems.
Third of all, it's important to remember that getting married doesn't change much about your relationship. If you're happy with the way things are now, then great. If you have expectations about what ';being married'; will do, as in what it will change, then you might be in for some disappointment.
Lastly, never forget the reasons why you're marrying him. Seriously, even if it means writing them down and placing them out somewhere!
First of all...don't get married if you're not sure...and even if you are, think twice. But if you have to and are young enough, wait on kids for AT LEAST 5 years. Kids change everything and contrary to what a lot of the fairy tale tellers on this website may say, they don't change everything for the better all the time.
First of all....congrats! Secondly.....marriage is like a job. A very hard job. One that u will be working to get better at for the rest of ur life. Nobody's perfect honey.....we all learn from experience. Good luck!
i think u got all the basis and tips i would say for both of u just dont forget to apreciate the other no matter hhow long u have been together,congrats and good luck
Find out now how you are going to handle the money , checking account and bills.
What will happen if you want to buy something special jusst for you do you have to discuss with him first
You both need to spend your money in the same way and in the same places -
u need to agree ont he most important issues going into a marriage like finances, children, religion etc. also u both have to realize that marriage is a lifetime commitment not fun %26amp; games like some of ur friends or people on yahoo answers would like for u to believe. enjoy being newlyweds w/out the kids for awhile at least. most of all just be happy.
sort out issues such as money and who pays for what or set up joint accounts so that all monies go there for bills and living expenses.
work out when you both would like to start a family, better that you agree on something now rather than wait 2 yrs to find out that he doesnt want kids!!!
i think as long as you can communicate openly and honestly, you will be fine.
you will also have to learn to hold your tongue and not say things in the heat of the moment that you may regret.
you seem to have a good out look and a good relationship so im sure you will be fine.
just make a promise to work on your relationship and if anything does come up or if one of you is unhappy with ANYTHING, talk about it rationally.
on march 18th, i will be married for 2 yrs and we are expecting our first child at the end of april.
congrats and good luck!!!
act like the wife in public but a mistress in bed. and most importantly, if you encounter a problem in your marriage, sit down and talk about it.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Not on the same page as husband...Marriage is going to hell..!!! ADVICE please?
ok my husband and i have been married for 2.5 years now. we got married when i was 18 and when he was 20. For the past year he has been making life changing events. He became a vegan, and wants to raise our son to be 1, he decided 6 months ago that he doesn't want to celebrate any holidays, not even thanksgiving, believes in god but thinks jesus is non-real and is made up...I disagree with it all. because of the changes he has made to his life, it has put a strain on our marriage. i do believe in jesus and i would want my child to have the experience to celebrate holidays....i have to be honest and say that i have become unhappy with him...it seems the only time we get along is when were having sex. which i don't enjoy. because i don't enjoy it with him, every time he ask i make up a excuse not to do it. tonight he asked for it and i told him no...i had just got off of work and had 1 hour b4 i went to my next job. becuz i said no he got mad and started saying alot of hurtful things...like well break up in a couple of years, he was stupid for marrying me, that he only married my becuz i had good p#$$y, that were on 2 different pages, and told me he didn't love me.
im so hurt and so lost...i dont know what to do...i need advice! whats my next step?Not on the same page as husband...Marriage is going to hell..!!! ADVICE please?
It could just be a stage. Maybe, he is just lost right now and isn't where he wants to be in life. I would give it a little bit of time, and by that, I mean a couple of years. If he doesn't want to celebrate holidays, take your kid to your parent's house and celebrate there. As far as him wanting your kid to be a vegan, I'm not sure what to tell you there but make sure he gets all the nutrition that he needs. I would recommend giving him vitamins.
Like I said before, it may be just a phase, but in a year or two if things aren't better, I'm think a divorce might be the way to go.
Also, if you don't want to wait a couple years to see if things get better, you might want to try just not living together for a while. Maybe, that will knock some sense into him.
The best of luck!Not on the same page as husband...Marriage is going to hell..!!! ADVICE please?
Marriages where people are unequally yoked often fail. You have to be on the same page... At least for the sake of your child. If not he will grow up confused.
You can have separate lives outside the marriage but your foundation has to have the same morals, goals, and views for the most part. It will always be a tug of war if not.
He does not respect you . Get out now - There is nothing there between you any more. Concentrate on your little boy.
End the marriage now. He's done lost his mind somewhere down the road.
you too just grew apart... that's why you shouldn't get married so young... but you just move on... be the adult as it doesn't sound like he can be... and your not on two different pages... Honey your on too different planets
A) Depriving a child of all of the nutrients needed during growth and development can be detrimental to his health and cause brain damage. Don't take my word for it, ask your doctor.
B) You are the mother and traditionally speaking the family follows the mothers religious beliefs. If he chooses not to celebrate holidays then fine but that is no reason for the two of you to enjoy yours with or without him.
Final) You need to do what you want and let him do what he wants. As far as your child goes, you have a choice also. There is no reason for a child to miss out on Thanksgiving in America. It almost sounds as though your husband has decided that holidays are just too hard and aren't worth the effort due to pure laziness. Thanksgiving is an American holiday based on our survival thanks to the Native Americans. It has nothing to do with gifts or religion. Every couple goes through sex changes and bouts of hatefullness. Your best bet is to let him know that he offended you and move on. Be tactful! Read this book. I read it when my sex life and marriage were going down hill. It gave me hope and gave me a back bone in my life which it sounds like you need one right now.
First off, he is no good and a loser. he is verbally abusive and doesn't deserve you.He shows total disrespect toward you. He is not a christian. Can't believe in God and think jesus is make believe,Is the sex the only thing keeping you there? because you should have more respect for yourself and not give him NONE!!!!!!!Divorce his butt and find someone that will treasure you and show you total respect and love...
sounds like you are going through hell right now.For one thing there is a god and your child needs to know this. You are so unhappy so get out now cause things will not get any better. As for your husband saying hurtful things to you he is not happy. He said he didn't love you so find someone that will.YOu got a job so you can stand on your own two feet without him.Good Luck %26amp; God bless you !
I am sorry :c( You are going to need to cling desperately to God right now. If your marriage is going to work, you are going to need to get your strength, and daily wisdom, from God. And only God can change your husband's heart and mind. This is one of the reasons that God tells us to wait until marriage before we become one in body, but God won't abandon you now if you belong to him. What I would suggest may sound like the hardest thing in the world to do, but this comes direct from the Bible - love your husband - action-love him. Don't deny him physical love - please him as much as you can. Serve him. Honour him. Forgive him daily. Do what you know to be right. Read your Bible to learn the kind of wife God wants you to be. I know this sounds totally opposite to what the world out there would say, because it's your husband who seems to be turning away - but this might be a point where you need to decide whether you'll be following the common flow of our culture's way, or your Lord God. He will carry you, I promise.elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
im so hurt and so lost...i dont know what to do...i need advice! whats my next step?Not on the same page as husband...Marriage is going to hell..!!! ADVICE please?
It could just be a stage. Maybe, he is just lost right now and isn't where he wants to be in life. I would give it a little bit of time, and by that, I mean a couple of years. If he doesn't want to celebrate holidays, take your kid to your parent's house and celebrate there. As far as him wanting your kid to be a vegan, I'm not sure what to tell you there but make sure he gets all the nutrition that he needs. I would recommend giving him vitamins.
Like I said before, it may be just a phase, but in a year or two if things aren't better, I'm think a divorce might be the way to go.
Also, if you don't want to wait a couple years to see if things get better, you might want to try just not living together for a while. Maybe, that will knock some sense into him.
The best of luck!Not on the same page as husband...Marriage is going to hell..!!! ADVICE please?
Marriages where people are unequally yoked often fail. You have to be on the same page... At least for the sake of your child. If not he will grow up confused.
You can have separate lives outside the marriage but your foundation has to have the same morals, goals, and views for the most part. It will always be a tug of war if not.
He does not respect you . Get out now - There is nothing there between you any more. Concentrate on your little boy.
End the marriage now. He's done lost his mind somewhere down the road.
you too just grew apart... that's why you shouldn't get married so young... but you just move on... be the adult as it doesn't sound like he can be... and your not on two different pages... Honey your on too different planets
A) Depriving a child of all of the nutrients needed during growth and development can be detrimental to his health and cause brain damage. Don't take my word for it, ask your doctor.
B) You are the mother and traditionally speaking the family follows the mothers religious beliefs. If he chooses not to celebrate holidays then fine but that is no reason for the two of you to enjoy yours with or without him.
Final) You need to do what you want and let him do what he wants. As far as your child goes, you have a choice also. There is no reason for a child to miss out on Thanksgiving in America. It almost sounds as though your husband has decided that holidays are just too hard and aren't worth the effort due to pure laziness. Thanksgiving is an American holiday based on our survival thanks to the Native Americans. It has nothing to do with gifts or religion. Every couple goes through sex changes and bouts of hatefullness. Your best bet is to let him know that he offended you and move on. Be tactful! Read this book. I read it when my sex life and marriage were going down hill. It gave me hope and gave me a back bone in my life which it sounds like you need one right now.
First off, he is no good and a loser. he is verbally abusive and doesn't deserve you.He shows total disrespect toward you. He is not a christian. Can't believe in God and think jesus is make believe,Is the sex the only thing keeping you there? because you should have more respect for yourself and not give him NONE!!!!!!!Divorce his butt and find someone that will treasure you and show you total respect and love...
sounds like you are going through hell right now.For one thing there is a god and your child needs to know this. You are so unhappy so get out now cause things will not get any better. As for your husband saying hurtful things to you he is not happy. He said he didn't love you so find someone that will.YOu got a job so you can stand on your own two feet without him.Good Luck %26amp; God bless you !
I am sorry :c( You are going to need to cling desperately to God right now. If your marriage is going to work, you are going to need to get your strength, and daily wisdom, from God. And only God can change your husband's heart and mind. This is one of the reasons that God tells us to wait until marriage before we become one in body, but God won't abandon you now if you belong to him. What I would suggest may sound like the hardest thing in the world to do, but this comes direct from the Bible - love your husband - action-love him. Don't deny him physical love - please him as much as you can. Serve him. Honour him. Forgive him daily. Do what you know to be right. Read your Bible to learn the kind of wife God wants you to be. I know this sounds totally opposite to what the world out there would say, because it's your husband who seems to be turning away - but this might be a point where you need to decide whether you'll be following the common flow of our culture's way, or your Lord God. He will carry you, I promise.
Can anybody give me some advice as what to do on a thirty one years of marriage?
its going down thedrain big time have been with him since i was seventeen have a twenty year old son have a very sucessful business and im so unhappy im fifty but my son and girlfriend and his friends always want me to party out with them so im not the old fifty by any means hubbie talks to every one normal but when it comes to me does not say much more than three words then usually ends up in an argument he just seems to bring the worst out in me its a bit like a love hate situation he wont make the effort to out for dinner he did 2 years ago go from one hotel to another with a barmaid that i had said he liked and when i fronted him in the hotel with her he said our marriage was over and she was the one the next day he said oh boy what did i do he hurt me so bad that night and i cant seem to get it together with him since i tell him to leave if he doesnt want to do anything with me and the answer is ive no where to go he has the money he can what do i do to shake this upCan anybody give me some advice as what to do on a thirty one years of marriage?
Girlfriend, I am going to answer your question, BIG TIME. Sit down and draft up a plan on how to save your marriage. Even give it a Time line, as to when the plan will be completed. This will keep you focused on trying to do everything possible to save the marriage, before calling it quits. So you won't have any regrets. Also, start exercising, getting that body toned back up, Start wearing more shorter sexier clothes. (classy) Start going out more leaving him behind. Start concentrating on you, making you happy, being happier to be around. Laugh more and start thinking young. 50 ain't old, PERIOD! When he sees you being attractive to other men, and other men are checking you out, he will say, wait a minute, let me investigate this situation one more time.(smile) It would be nice if he would sit down with you and draft a plan on how you both could save the marriage. Better yet, you sit down and write how you both can save your message. Then call a Meeting between you to. Give him advance notice, with a card saying, Family Business Meeting, the date and time. Then show him the plans. Discuss ways each of you can improve yourselves. Remember the time line!! After that time has passed, hopefully you will still be married. He ain't all bad if you have been with him this long. He just needs some motivation, some rejuvenation. Make yourself Sexy and Irresistible. At least after the Time line has passed, and nothing worked, you will know, he just doesn't want to be married to you. You will know, you gave it your best shot. So, when you start making plans to leave the marriage, you won't have any regrets. About your income, start saving some money. A seperate account, where you put money in, just in case. Because, you should Never be in a situation where you are Unhappy and STUCK. Unable to leave, worried, where will I go. You may have some drastic changes coming. They all will be OK and neccessary. You are strong, you can handle them. Change is good!!! Being in a one-bedroom appt, or single, is heaven, if you are Happy. Concentrate on ';YOU';!!!.Can anybody give me some advice as what to do on a thirty one years of marriage?
Cheat on him...no reason to get divorced, youve been married for so long why start over now.
the two of yous should sit down %26amp; figure out where yous see your selfs in 6 months and try and get there
31 years...wow, bless that. What happened honey? We have been together 8 yrs and we are having similar problems. Altho we don't fight like that, and no one has cheated on anyone (yet) and we don't bring out the worst in each other...we just don't sleep in the same bed (he says I snore) and we have sex maybe 5 times a year (he gives no reason).
I know what you are thinking tho. It's been 31 yrs, you know each other.....so, what happend?
Do you not offer sex enough, as in my relationship?
Did he work too many hours and is now a stranger?
Identify what made it work in the beginning and do those things again, if you really want to MAKE it work.
Also, as much as anyone of you may not want too, you MUST talk about it.
Tell him what is bothering you, ask what the problem(s) is/are and assess whether or not they can and are worth fixing. Same with him, he needs to tell you the same thing. You can't fix a problem if you do not know about it right?
However, if you really want out...dump the SOB. File for divorce, get the house and whatever money you can and let him have everything else. Or, liquidate everything, get to the checking and savings accounts first and split the proceeds in half.
You are only 50 honey, and sounds like people like you. If things can't be resolved within a few months....get the hell out and live your retirement years as a happy, fun-loving, dating divorcee. Let him date every bar whor* in the tri-state area and worry about his bad hair comb-over.
have sex with that cute guy at work who is never hittin on you!!!
have anal sex
File for divorce.
visit this site u will learn more http://www.55a.net/firas/english/index.p鈥?/a>
Tell him you want marriage counseling and if he won't go with you- go by yourself. Start getting yourself into a situation where you could be independent if you had to. Maybe you could get a part time job and start saving some money.
people tend to get in a rut after so long. there is no denying that you both love eachtother. after all, it's been 31 years!! try to wow him! if he cheated he is looking for something he's not getting....like passion and heat. you say you have a successful business....take some of that money and get a make over. i am not trying to say that you need one but change can be nice. you will feel better about yourself. change things up a bit, try romancing him and get the sparks going. do something wild. don't really ASK him, just do it and make it happen. you love eachother, you both are just being stubborn and walking away from potential arguments and neither of you is saying what you really feel or want. i really think he wants excitement. put yourself out there for your marriage and rock the boat with romance. good luck.
Girlfriend, I am going to answer your question, BIG TIME. Sit down and draft up a plan on how to save your marriage. Even give it a Time line, as to when the plan will be completed. This will keep you focused on trying to do everything possible to save the marriage, before calling it quits. So you won't have any regrets. Also, start exercising, getting that body toned back up, Start wearing more shorter sexier clothes. (classy) Start going out more leaving him behind. Start concentrating on you, making you happy, being happier to be around. Laugh more and start thinking young. 50 ain't old, PERIOD! When he sees you being attractive to other men, and other men are checking you out, he will say, wait a minute, let me investigate this situation one more time.(smile) It would be nice if he would sit down with you and draft a plan on how you both could save the marriage. Better yet, you sit down and write how you both can save your message. Then call a Meeting between you to. Give him advance notice, with a card saying, Family Business Meeting, the date and time. Then show him the plans. Discuss ways each of you can improve yourselves. Remember the time line!! After that time has passed, hopefully you will still be married. He ain't all bad if you have been with him this long. He just needs some motivation, some rejuvenation. Make yourself Sexy and Irresistible. At least after the Time line has passed, and nothing worked, you will know, he just doesn't want to be married to you. You will know, you gave it your best shot. So, when you start making plans to leave the marriage, you won't have any regrets. About your income, start saving some money. A seperate account, where you put money in, just in case. Because, you should Never be in a situation where you are Unhappy and STUCK. Unable to leave, worried, where will I go. You may have some drastic changes coming. They all will be OK and neccessary. You are strong, you can handle them. Change is good!!! Being in a one-bedroom appt, or single, is heaven, if you are Happy. Concentrate on ';YOU';!!!.Can anybody give me some advice as what to do on a thirty one years of marriage?
Cheat on him...no reason to get divorced, youve been married for so long why start over now.
the two of yous should sit down %26amp; figure out where yous see your selfs in 6 months and try and get there
31 years...wow, bless that. What happened honey? We have been together 8 yrs and we are having similar problems. Altho we don't fight like that, and no one has cheated on anyone (yet) and we don't bring out the worst in each other...we just don't sleep in the same bed (he says I snore) and we have sex maybe 5 times a year (he gives no reason).
I know what you are thinking tho. It's been 31 yrs, you know each other.....so, what happend?
Do you not offer sex enough, as in my relationship?
Did he work too many hours and is now a stranger?
Identify what made it work in the beginning and do those things again, if you really want to MAKE it work.
Also, as much as anyone of you may not want too, you MUST talk about it.
Tell him what is bothering you, ask what the problem(s) is/are and assess whether or not they can and are worth fixing. Same with him, he needs to tell you the same thing. You can't fix a problem if you do not know about it right?
However, if you really want out...dump the SOB. File for divorce, get the house and whatever money you can and let him have everything else. Or, liquidate everything, get to the checking and savings accounts first and split the proceeds in half.
You are only 50 honey, and sounds like people like you. If things can't be resolved within a few months....get the hell out and live your retirement years as a happy, fun-loving, dating divorcee. Let him date every bar whor* in the tri-state area and worry about his bad hair comb-over.
have sex with that cute guy at work who is never hittin on you!!!
have anal sex
File for divorce.
visit this site u will learn more http://www.55a.net/firas/english/index.p鈥?/a>
Tell him you want marriage counseling and if he won't go with you- go by yourself. Start getting yourself into a situation where you could be independent if you had to. Maybe you could get a part time job and start saving some money.
people tend to get in a rut after so long. there is no denying that you both love eachtother. after all, it's been 31 years!! try to wow him! if he cheated he is looking for something he's not getting....like passion and heat. you say you have a successful business....take some of that money and get a make over. i am not trying to say that you need one but change can be nice. you will feel better about yourself. change things up a bit, try romancing him and get the sparks going. do something wild. don't really ASK him, just do it and make it happen. you love eachother, you both are just being stubborn and walking away from potential arguments and neither of you is saying what you really feel or want. i really think he wants excitement. put yourself out there for your marriage and rock the boat with romance. good luck.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
I don't know what to say. I love him. I know he loves me. But why in the world people do that?When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Because statistically you will get divorced and maybe he has some heirlooms he wants to keep in the family.When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Do you have insurance on your automobile? It's the same thing.
prenups make sense, I don't know why anybody would get married without one. He loves you, he's just being smart. I mean, nobody gets married thinking they will divorce, but, statistically, about half of people do anyways. This is a painless way to save a lot of loss and heartache down the line if you fall into the unfortunate half. Don't think of it as him doubting you, think of it as a meaningless exercise that won't matter or affect you in any way, if your relationship is as solid as you believe it to be.
Because you should protect your assets and your future assets. I made my husband sign one. It made us be practical and determine each other's financial state as well as habits.
Get your own attorney for this.
If he is rich he needs to protect his assets, just sign it and forget it.
I have been married for almost 20 years and neither one of us ever signed a prenup.
I find them to be totally useless.
What is mine is his and vice versus. That was the plan on being married for life. I do not plan on leaving him nor him me.
I think they are only for people who have doubts in their marriage
my opinion
A PRENUP IS THERE TO SET U UP FOR NOTHING PERIOD IF YOU GET DIVORCED THERE GOES EVERYTHING BECAUSE U SIGNED IT OVER TO HIM DO NOT DO THAT U R STUPID IF U DO THATS HIS WAY OF FINALIZING THE DIVORCE SHOULD IT HAPPEN THAT WAY U GET NOTHING IN THE END SO U ARE SCREWING URSELF IF U GIVE EVERYTHING TO HIM U HAVE NOTHING GET IT????????????????
Why would you NOT want to sign one. Face it, in this world a lot of marriages fail, and if yours does, a prenup will protect your assets and keep him from taking you to the cleaners.
In this day and age marriage does not set your relationship in stone. It should, but it doesn't. All too often, one or the other loses track of why they married in the first place. A lot of people protect themselves from this dilemma with a prenuptial agreement. Personally, whatever is mine is hers and whatever is hers is hers. I think that's they way it goes! There is nothing that can be taken from me materialistically that I cannot replace. My heart will mend.
Is your boyfriend wealthy?
A wealthy person may want a Prenup to protect his wealth from a gold digger.
If he is not wealthy, then ask why he wants the prenup.
The conditions may be enough that you can agree to them, if not then don't sign.
Make sure the conditions are fair for you too.
Maybe you should have him sign a prenup too.
to protect their assets they have in the start of a marriage.
My fiance, and are signing one. Now a days it's the smart thing to do. $hit happens, and I know I want to feel secure knowing things will be split equally without any bitching. Whats mine is mine, and whats his is his. It's seems fair enough to me.
Because that protects all his assets and everything he worked hard to get before meeting you. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like someone else to be entitled to what you worked so hard to achieve? And be realistic,...marriages dont work out now adays so he is just protecting what is his incase **** hits the fan. If you love really do love him why would you object to it?
I would sign it. I also would put a time limit on it. Voided after 8 years. Go ahead this is your time to put a few things in there yourself. Like if he cheats, you get 75% of everything he owns! lol This is the perfect time to stand up and have a great money argument before you are married! lol Get a backbone though and don't accept anything you don't want. He might be going into this with more money however, your heart is worth alot too. So if he wants to marry you and you are taking a risk with your heart. Think about how much money it would take your heart to feel better after a drawn out bitter divorce where he leaves you for a 21 year old that looks like Miss America. lol It would be alot of money if he wants me. I think it is a bit presumputious to be honest, what if you go and make a killing in your life, or win the lotto. You are a catch and if he wants a prenup use your brain at this moment not your heart he sure is...
It is so sad that people these days have to be already thinking of divorce before even getting married. He is one of those guys and there is little you can do about it. Even if you could talk him out of it he will always feel nervous and uncomfortable about it.
I don't know - I suppose some people just feel better about it. You can't blame them in a way with all the divorces out there.. Here is what I would suggest - make an appointment with an attorney and go there with your boyfriend and discuss w/ the attorney what assets are there and what needs protection, etc... A lot of times people realize after such a meeting that a pre-nup may not be that important or even worth it -or they may realize they realy want it - Either way it will impress him that you are taking him serious - that you would still want to marry him and you guys can make that decision together...?!
It starts the marriage out with YOUR and MINE. The path of life is too narrow not to walk as one. This is your first clue of his selfishness.
Because they are intelligent. We would all like to think that marriage will last forever but the reality is that very few do. Just make sure that you have a lawyer look over for your interests as well, don't just sign whatever he gives you. Also, you shouldn't be offended at all, he most likely loves you as much as you do him, he's just being careful. If nothing else, do it to make him feel better.
You don't just ';sign'; a prenuptial agreement. You first hire an attorney who advises you before you sign it. But, people have other people sign agreements to protect their assets in the event of divorce. My guess, is your boyfriend doesn't have any assets to protect---he's just being an ***.
Because statistically you will get divorced and maybe he has some heirlooms he wants to keep in the family.When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Do you have insurance on your automobile? It's the same thing.
prenups make sense, I don't know why anybody would get married without one. He loves you, he's just being smart. I mean, nobody gets married thinking they will divorce, but, statistically, about half of people do anyways. This is a painless way to save a lot of loss and heartache down the line if you fall into the unfortunate half. Don't think of it as him doubting you, think of it as a meaningless exercise that won't matter or affect you in any way, if your relationship is as solid as you believe it to be.
Because you should protect your assets and your future assets. I made my husband sign one. It made us be practical and determine each other's financial state as well as habits.
Get your own attorney for this.
If he is rich he needs to protect his assets, just sign it and forget it.
I have been married for almost 20 years and neither one of us ever signed a prenup.
I find them to be totally useless.
What is mine is his and vice versus. That was the plan on being married for life. I do not plan on leaving him nor him me.
I think they are only for people who have doubts in their marriage
my opinion
A PRENUP IS THERE TO SET U UP FOR NOTHING PERIOD IF YOU GET DIVORCED THERE GOES EVERYTHING BECAUSE U SIGNED IT OVER TO HIM DO NOT DO THAT U R STUPID IF U DO THATS HIS WAY OF FINALIZING THE DIVORCE SHOULD IT HAPPEN THAT WAY U GET NOTHING IN THE END SO U ARE SCREWING URSELF IF U GIVE EVERYTHING TO HIM U HAVE NOTHING GET IT????????????????
Why would you NOT want to sign one. Face it, in this world a lot of marriages fail, and if yours does, a prenup will protect your assets and keep him from taking you to the cleaners.
In this day and age marriage does not set your relationship in stone. It should, but it doesn't. All too often, one or the other loses track of why they married in the first place. A lot of people protect themselves from this dilemma with a prenuptial agreement. Personally, whatever is mine is hers and whatever is hers is hers. I think that's they way it goes! There is nothing that can be taken from me materialistically that I cannot replace. My heart will mend.
Is your boyfriend wealthy?
A wealthy person may want a Prenup to protect his wealth from a gold digger.
If he is not wealthy, then ask why he wants the prenup.
The conditions may be enough that you can agree to them, if not then don't sign.
Make sure the conditions are fair for you too.
Maybe you should have him sign a prenup too.
to protect their assets they have in the start of a marriage.
My fiance, and are signing one. Now a days it's the smart thing to do. $hit happens, and I know I want to feel secure knowing things will be split equally without any bitching. Whats mine is mine, and whats his is his. It's seems fair enough to me.
Because that protects all his assets and everything he worked hard to get before meeting you. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like someone else to be entitled to what you worked so hard to achieve? And be realistic,...marriages dont work out now adays so he is just protecting what is his incase **** hits the fan. If you love really do love him why would you object to it?
I would sign it. I also would put a time limit on it. Voided after 8 years. Go ahead this is your time to put a few things in there yourself. Like if he cheats, you get 75% of everything he owns! lol This is the perfect time to stand up and have a great money argument before you are married! lol Get a backbone though and don't accept anything you don't want. He might be going into this with more money however, your heart is worth alot too. So if he wants to marry you and you are taking a risk with your heart. Think about how much money it would take your heart to feel better after a drawn out bitter divorce where he leaves you for a 21 year old that looks like Miss America. lol It would be alot of money if he wants me. I think it is a bit presumputious to be honest, what if you go and make a killing in your life, or win the lotto. You are a catch and if he wants a prenup use your brain at this moment not your heart he sure is...
It is so sad that people these days have to be already thinking of divorce before even getting married. He is one of those guys and there is little you can do about it. Even if you could talk him out of it he will always feel nervous and uncomfortable about it.
I don't know - I suppose some people just feel better about it. You can't blame them in a way with all the divorces out there.. Here is what I would suggest - make an appointment with an attorney and go there with your boyfriend and discuss w/ the attorney what assets are there and what needs protection, etc... A lot of times people realize after such a meeting that a pre-nup may not be that important or even worth it -or they may realize they realy want it - Either way it will impress him that you are taking him serious - that you would still want to marry him and you guys can make that decision together...?!
It starts the marriage out with YOUR and MINE. The path of life is too narrow not to walk as one. This is your first clue of his selfishness.
Because they are intelligent. We would all like to think that marriage will last forever but the reality is that very few do. Just make sure that you have a lawyer look over for your interests as well, don't just sign whatever he gives you. Also, you shouldn't be offended at all, he most likely loves you as much as you do him, he's just being careful. If nothing else, do it to make him feel better.
You don't just ';sign'; a prenuptial agreement. You first hire an attorney who advises you before you sign it. But, people have other people sign agreements to protect their assets in the event of divorce. My guess, is your boyfriend doesn't have any assets to protect---he's just being an ***.
Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
Here is the thing ever since I was younger I have always cared about how I look but no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly,fat and nobody would ever want me. i am now grown married and have kids and have nothing to do with her. But my problem is that I dont know how to control my feelings on my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him. I am not a model I had kids but I dress nice and how I important to me. I am healthy nice looking but he makes me feel ugly and not good enough. We will be doing fine then all of a sudden he ruins it by making remarks about another womans body etc. I dont want to know his thoughts. It really hurts when the man you love makes you feel bad about yourself I cry alot and my daughter sees it and she cries. i cant help it. All my life I have felt like I am not good enough my momNeed some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
baby you're good. Anybody w/ beautiful green eyes ought to be loved by her man. Tell him how it hurts you. Tell him his words feel like stab wounds and he is ruining his marriage. It's not you. It's him. He's not treating you right. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make love to him if he treats you this way. It's very rude for a man to comment about other women to his wife. You are good enough. Moms are all good enough. They do so much. You have alot to be proud of. Don't let his insenstivity get you down. You'vd had his children. That should make you extremely hot in his eyes.
You need to tell him you two need to talk to someone b/f it's too late. Both of you together. Bring up the verbal abuse to the counsellor so it can be dealt with.Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
So basically your husband has taken on the role of your mother in regards to your self-esteem, putting you down, etc.
::my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him.
His behavior is inappropriate. He's being disrespectful to you and to the women he's gawking at.
If he won't go to cousneling with you, go on your own for a boost to you self-esteem. My guess is when you feel good about yourself either 1) you'll kick him to the curb or 2) he's then what he has in you, because you will glow.
Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langauges, Gary Chapman
Relatioship Rescue, Dr Phil
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
My best to you.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Sometimes those whom you love the most hurt you the most. The important thing is - how do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Don't let the other person ruins your life.
A professional counselor is needed if you want to keep this marriage. You both need to do this ASAP if you love each other. Hug.
If he were any kind of man, he would never say such things. Have you talked to him abou this? Does he know how he makes you feel?
If you have, and he does, what are his responses?
I think you husband is being nothing but disrespectful of you and also your kids. If your kids se that it is alright to disrespect another person, how are they going to act when they grow up?
You need to put a foot down and speak your mind. If he cannot abide by a simple rule of not disrespecting you, then I think you may have a deeper problem here.
Good luck
You realize, don't you, that you married your mother? You picked a man who treated you exactly the way she did.
Your mom: no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly, fat and nobody would ever want me.
Your husband: he is constantly criticizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is.
You need some therapy- you're just repeating the same old patterns and your daughter will ultimately suffer.
He married you did'nt he so therefore something attracted him to you and now there are kids. What he is doing is belittling you and that is wrong. Don't hide your feeling and tell him that you love him and his flirting with obscene remarks have to stop and show you some appreciation or else you will leave him. Being the wife you deserve respect. Tell him that you respect him being your king and you are the queen but lots of layman out there would love to have his queen. Go out to a candlelight dinner and discuss the situation and make everyone happy in the home. Put love back in action.
Violet has got it right, you did marry your mother and you do need therapy. You are going to destroy your own children's lives if you don't seek help for your problem. You will continue to pick bad relationships until you get over your issues. Seek help now.
We are all beautifully when we smile! Put an end to this, he is stripping you from your dignity, your pride and your self-identity as a woman. Soon he may be starting the cycle with your daughter. Don`t try to understand why he does that, you will not cure him from it anyway. If you want to raise a young lady full of confidence in herself you`re not in the right home.
you know what? you do not need him! there is absolutly no reason why YOUR HUSBAND puts you down like that. of all people you hold close to your heart. let me tell you something, you dont need to change a thing about yourself, as long as you're comfortable being you and your kids love you, that's all that matters. if i were you, if your husband wants to look at other women and flirt with them, let him. tell him, if that's what he wants, go get it, but once that doesnt work out for him, there's no coming back. you dont deserve this ungreatful treatment he's been giving you.
tell you what. here's a little bit of advise. you say you have a bit of a belly. why dont you try working on loosing that, treat yourself out to get your hair and nails done, go buy yourself a new outfit (shoes usually help me) and start feeling good about yourself. make it all about you for a change, dont be there for him and wait on him hand and foot, (b/c he expects that) then maybe after awhile he'll come to realize you are the only one for him and he should learn to appriciate you alot more than what he has. i wish you the best of luck. and just remember, you deserve better.
Tough question to answer but things are not always as they appear. With a history of insecurity there is no doubt you feel this way. Finding a way to deal with this is challenging but can be achieved. Do some reading, self help books are great and surrounding yourself with positive affirmantions is a great help also. If it helps my husband often looks at other women and does indeed comment about them, I too used to worry but now I just laugh and remind him that his is an old man and that woman would not want him anyway and he is stuck with little old me, or he might light to go and give it a go but don't come crying to me when she laughs. I know it all sounds so simple but it took me along time to get to this, and now I find myself looking and commenting on younger, lovelier men and commenting to hubby. Believe it or not this can be an advantage to married life and keep the excitment up. There is much more I could offer but would be here all day. I wish you luck. Just one more thing, love and respect you, the rest will follow.
SISTER TO SISTER, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... IT IS OKAY THAT YOUR HUSBAND LOOK @ OTHER WOMEN JUST ALONG AS HE KNOW THAT YOU IS QUEEN ***** AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT YOU COME FIRST.. THE NEXT TIME HE SAY THAT YOU SAY DAMN SHE SAID THE SAMETHING TO ME AND WALK AWAY.. (LOL) IF YOU DO THIS HIT ME BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT IT OKAY.. bugg007us@yahoo.com..
Gawking at other women is disrespectful. So is gawking at other men (in your case if you do this to your mate).
Fire a warning shot or two across his bow: ';Hey you! I'm standing right here, and I see you gawking at that woman, and I find it highly disrespectful';.
See if that helps, but... the time to have given him a chance or two to correct this was before you married him.
Based on additional info: whether or not you did anything to earn this disrespect, it can't continue. You must be prepared to leave him.
That's called emotional and psychological abuse, sweetheart, and you deserve someone who WON'T do that to you!
He isn't even worth your time!!
Get out, leave the jerk.
My fiance makes remarks about women too, and even gets a hard on watching Nip/Tuck but wont have sex with me.
I honestly don't know, maybe we both need a better significant other, but I sure don't feel like leaving mine, so maybe you're in the same boat and know the real answer to your question but don't want to accept it.
On the other hand, if you're bothered by it and he threatens to leave you if you don't just accept it, and what you want to do is save your marriage? Seems simple enough - hold in everything you ever feel and don't speak your mind. Then at least one of the people in the relationship will be happy, it just wont be you :(
See a counsellor, and get some help -- it should help you deal with your situation, and deal with the emotional abuse.
baby you're good. Anybody w/ beautiful green eyes ought to be loved by her man. Tell him how it hurts you. Tell him his words feel like stab wounds and he is ruining his marriage. It's not you. It's him. He's not treating you right. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make love to him if he treats you this way. It's very rude for a man to comment about other women to his wife. You are good enough. Moms are all good enough. They do so much. You have alot to be proud of. Don't let his insenstivity get you down. You'vd had his children. That should make you extremely hot in his eyes.
You need to tell him you two need to talk to someone b/f it's too late. Both of you together. Bring up the verbal abuse to the counsellor so it can be dealt with.Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
So basically your husband has taken on the role of your mother in regards to your self-esteem, putting you down, etc.
::my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him.
His behavior is inappropriate. He's being disrespectful to you and to the women he's gawking at.
If he won't go to cousneling with you, go on your own for a boost to you self-esteem. My guess is when you feel good about yourself either 1) you'll kick him to the curb or 2) he's then what he has in you, because you will glow.
Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langauges, Gary Chapman
Relatioship Rescue, Dr Phil
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
My best to you.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Sometimes those whom you love the most hurt you the most. The important thing is - how do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Don't let the other person ruins your life.
A professional counselor is needed if you want to keep this marriage. You both need to do this ASAP if you love each other. Hug.
If he were any kind of man, he would never say such things. Have you talked to him abou this? Does he know how he makes you feel?
If you have, and he does, what are his responses?
I think you husband is being nothing but disrespectful of you and also your kids. If your kids se that it is alright to disrespect another person, how are they going to act when they grow up?
You need to put a foot down and speak your mind. If he cannot abide by a simple rule of not disrespecting you, then I think you may have a deeper problem here.
Good luck
You realize, don't you, that you married your mother? You picked a man who treated you exactly the way she did.
Your mom: no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly, fat and nobody would ever want me.
Your husband: he is constantly criticizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is.
You need some therapy- you're just repeating the same old patterns and your daughter will ultimately suffer.
He married you did'nt he so therefore something attracted him to you and now there are kids. What he is doing is belittling you and that is wrong. Don't hide your feeling and tell him that you love him and his flirting with obscene remarks have to stop and show you some appreciation or else you will leave him. Being the wife you deserve respect. Tell him that you respect him being your king and you are the queen but lots of layman out there would love to have his queen. Go out to a candlelight dinner and discuss the situation and make everyone happy in the home. Put love back in action.
Violet has got it right, you did marry your mother and you do need therapy. You are going to destroy your own children's lives if you don't seek help for your problem. You will continue to pick bad relationships until you get over your issues. Seek help now.
We are all beautifully when we smile! Put an end to this, he is stripping you from your dignity, your pride and your self-identity as a woman. Soon he may be starting the cycle with your daughter. Don`t try to understand why he does that, you will not cure him from it anyway. If you want to raise a young lady full of confidence in herself you`re not in the right home.
you know what? you do not need him! there is absolutly no reason why YOUR HUSBAND puts you down like that. of all people you hold close to your heart. let me tell you something, you dont need to change a thing about yourself, as long as you're comfortable being you and your kids love you, that's all that matters. if i were you, if your husband wants to look at other women and flirt with them, let him. tell him, if that's what he wants, go get it, but once that doesnt work out for him, there's no coming back. you dont deserve this ungreatful treatment he's been giving you.
tell you what. here's a little bit of advise. you say you have a bit of a belly. why dont you try working on loosing that, treat yourself out to get your hair and nails done, go buy yourself a new outfit (shoes usually help me) and start feeling good about yourself. make it all about you for a change, dont be there for him and wait on him hand and foot, (b/c he expects that) then maybe after awhile he'll come to realize you are the only one for him and he should learn to appriciate you alot more than what he has. i wish you the best of luck. and just remember, you deserve better.
Tough question to answer but things are not always as they appear. With a history of insecurity there is no doubt you feel this way. Finding a way to deal with this is challenging but can be achieved. Do some reading, self help books are great and surrounding yourself with positive affirmantions is a great help also. If it helps my husband often looks at other women and does indeed comment about them, I too used to worry but now I just laugh and remind him that his is an old man and that woman would not want him anyway and he is stuck with little old me, or he might light to go and give it a go but don't come crying to me when she laughs. I know it all sounds so simple but it took me along time to get to this, and now I find myself looking and commenting on younger, lovelier men and commenting to hubby. Believe it or not this can be an advantage to married life and keep the excitment up. There is much more I could offer but would be here all day. I wish you luck. Just one more thing, love and respect you, the rest will follow.
SISTER TO SISTER, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... IT IS OKAY THAT YOUR HUSBAND LOOK @ OTHER WOMEN JUST ALONG AS HE KNOW THAT YOU IS QUEEN ***** AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT YOU COME FIRST.. THE NEXT TIME HE SAY THAT YOU SAY DAMN SHE SAID THE SAMETHING TO ME AND WALK AWAY.. (LOL) IF YOU DO THIS HIT ME BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT IT OKAY.. bugg007us@yahoo.com..
Gawking at other women is disrespectful. So is gawking at other men (in your case if you do this to your mate).
Fire a warning shot or two across his bow: ';Hey you! I'm standing right here, and I see you gawking at that woman, and I find it highly disrespectful';.
See if that helps, but... the time to have given him a chance or two to correct this was before you married him.
Based on additional info: whether or not you did anything to earn this disrespect, it can't continue. You must be prepared to leave him.
That's called emotional and psychological abuse, sweetheart, and you deserve someone who WON'T do that to you!
He isn't even worth your time!!
Get out, leave the jerk.
My fiance makes remarks about women too, and even gets a hard on watching Nip/Tuck but wont have sex with me.
I honestly don't know, maybe we both need a better significant other, but I sure don't feel like leaving mine, so maybe you're in the same boat and know the real answer to your question but don't want to accept it.
On the other hand, if you're bothered by it and he threatens to leave you if you don't just accept it, and what you want to do is save your marriage? Seems simple enough - hold in everything you ever feel and don't speak your mind. Then at least one of the people in the relationship will be happy, it just wont be you :(
See a counsellor, and get some help -- it should help you deal with your situation, and deal with the emotional abuse.
I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
Me and my husband have been together for 3 years im 8 months pregnant with our first child to look at us from the outside you would think it was wonderful but behind closed doors we dont talk, touch, have sex nothing we our like brother and sister he does his thing and i do mine. We have talked about splitting up but its pretty much put aside everytime. Ive told him im not happy but i dont think he hears me. How can we put the spark and want to back in our marriage like we used to have. Im ready to give up what should i do because talking and trying to convince him isnt working?I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
Arrange for marriage counselling.I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
you need to go for counseling. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation, or one involving infidelity, so I think you need to take divorce of your list of options. You and him took VOWS in front of GOD!! and now you have a baby on the way! Get your heads back in the game. Go to counseling and find your way back to each other. ';i'm just not happy'; is not a good enough reason to get divorced.
Marriage counseling hun.
That would help both of you.
Please don't give up!!! You and him made a commitement to each other and very soon you will be bringing a baby into this world together. What were the things you two did when you first met? Go to a counselor and/or pastor and maybe they can help. This weekend do something special together. This is technically your first Mother's Day so celebrate that together in a special way. Marriages go through ups and downs and you got to work at a marriage. Remember the for better or worse part saying? Once you see that sweet baby's face that was created and only could of been created by you and him; your marriage should get better. Just remember to give him attention still and not totally ignore him when the baby comes. So, put some makeup on, fix your hair, wear a nice outfit and celebrate this weekend with your husband. Have a Happy Mother's Day, Congratulations on your baby, and Good luck with your future.
According to your letter, he is not being abusive or mean. Therefore, given that you are 8 months pregnant, I would stick it out until at least 6 weeks after the birth of your child. The reason is that, having just had a baby in the past few years, I can tell you that your hormones are probably crazy right now. Also, even if you guys are only great friends right now, he still deserves to be there for the first few weeks of the baby's life until you guys can decide what to do. If you do decide to call it quits later, try to maintain a friendship for the sake of the child. Hope my advice helped. Good Luck!!!
if u want to leave then do so and that will wake him up
Leave!
I am so sorry sweetie.
I would recommend marriage counseling before throwing in the towel
Did you both agree what married life would be like? Why doesn't he see what's going on? Why is he happy with the way things are going? Talk about the ';us'; of the marriage and not about the ';I wants'; and see how you can work that out.
You made a commitment when you were married - for better or worse. So you're going through some worse. All marriages have them and they need to be worked out. It's too easy to give up on someone and go to the next and the next hoping to find happiness without having to work at it.
Try marriage counseling if you can't figure it out yourselves. Don't give up, choose to honor your commitment to each other and work at it.
Having a baby for the first time can put strain on any relationship.
There will be financial obligations you didn't have before, ideas on how to raise the child, and it puts a strain on your social life.
Some men don't want to have sex when the pregnancy is further along because they think they will hurt the baby (which they won't)
Where you unhappy before you got pregnant? If not then you really need to talk about your fears, concerns about having this baby and what you both expect.
If you were both unhappy before then you need to dive in deeper. Figure out what it would take to make you happy and see if it's something you can incorporate into your marriage.
wait until the baby is born then see if things change
Happiness is an inside job....dont give it away to other ppl, not your husband, your kids your family. Only you can decide to be happy right where you are. Love on the other hand is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. So you just need to determine if you are both willing. One no cancels the whole deal...but as long as they are both yeses, then there is a way. God is at the top, overseeing the both of you.....if you are looking to your husband for all the answers then he may just have too much pressure or strain....he shouldnt have to carry your happiness..... last thought---you are pregnant and your hormones are nuts.....check with your doc to make sure this isnt hormonal or depression of some sort....if your body gets worn down because you need vitamins, iron or other supplements you will feel like everything is out of wack... all the best.
I'm lost here...........what are you trying to convince him of?
It could be that with a baby on the way, it causes stress and other issues.
The spark may come back once the baby is born, well not once, cause your going to be very tired and feel tied down.
I'd hate being or feeling I was married to my brother.
Unless both of you are going to try to make it work it is pointless. Both of you need to want it to work and be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Maybe things will change after the baby is born.
Arrange for marriage counselling.I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
you need to go for counseling. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation, or one involving infidelity, so I think you need to take divorce of your list of options. You and him took VOWS in front of GOD!! and now you have a baby on the way! Get your heads back in the game. Go to counseling and find your way back to each other. ';i'm just not happy'; is not a good enough reason to get divorced.
Marriage counseling hun.
That would help both of you.
Please don't give up!!! You and him made a commitement to each other and very soon you will be bringing a baby into this world together. What were the things you two did when you first met? Go to a counselor and/or pastor and maybe they can help. This weekend do something special together. This is technically your first Mother's Day so celebrate that together in a special way. Marriages go through ups and downs and you got to work at a marriage. Remember the for better or worse part saying? Once you see that sweet baby's face that was created and only could of been created by you and him; your marriage should get better. Just remember to give him attention still and not totally ignore him when the baby comes. So, put some makeup on, fix your hair, wear a nice outfit and celebrate this weekend with your husband. Have a Happy Mother's Day, Congratulations on your baby, and Good luck with your future.
According to your letter, he is not being abusive or mean. Therefore, given that you are 8 months pregnant, I would stick it out until at least 6 weeks after the birth of your child. The reason is that, having just had a baby in the past few years, I can tell you that your hormones are probably crazy right now. Also, even if you guys are only great friends right now, he still deserves to be there for the first few weeks of the baby's life until you guys can decide what to do. If you do decide to call it quits later, try to maintain a friendship for the sake of the child. Hope my advice helped. Good Luck!!!
if u want to leave then do so and that will wake him up
Leave!
I am so sorry sweetie.
I would recommend marriage counseling before throwing in the towel
Did you both agree what married life would be like? Why doesn't he see what's going on? Why is he happy with the way things are going? Talk about the ';us'; of the marriage and not about the ';I wants'; and see how you can work that out.
You made a commitment when you were married - for better or worse. So you're going through some worse. All marriages have them and they need to be worked out. It's too easy to give up on someone and go to the next and the next hoping to find happiness without having to work at it.
Try marriage counseling if you can't figure it out yourselves. Don't give up, choose to honor your commitment to each other and work at it.
Having a baby for the first time can put strain on any relationship.
There will be financial obligations you didn't have before, ideas on how to raise the child, and it puts a strain on your social life.
Some men don't want to have sex when the pregnancy is further along because they think they will hurt the baby (which they won't)
Where you unhappy before you got pregnant? If not then you really need to talk about your fears, concerns about having this baby and what you both expect.
If you were both unhappy before then you need to dive in deeper. Figure out what it would take to make you happy and see if it's something you can incorporate into your marriage.
wait until the baby is born then see if things change
Happiness is an inside job....dont give it away to other ppl, not your husband, your kids your family. Only you can decide to be happy right where you are. Love on the other hand is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. So you just need to determine if you are both willing. One no cancels the whole deal...but as long as they are both yeses, then there is a way. God is at the top, overseeing the both of you.....if you are looking to your husband for all the answers then he may just have too much pressure or strain....he shouldnt have to carry your happiness..... last thought---you are pregnant and your hormones are nuts.....check with your doc to make sure this isnt hormonal or depression of some sort....if your body gets worn down because you need vitamins, iron or other supplements you will feel like everything is out of wack... all the best.
I'm lost here...........what are you trying to convince him of?
It could be that with a baby on the way, it causes stress and other issues.
The spark may come back once the baby is born, well not once, cause your going to be very tired and feel tied down.
I'd hate being or feeling I was married to my brother.
Unless both of you are going to try to make it work it is pointless. Both of you need to want it to work and be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Maybe things will change after the baby is born.
If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
Do you get all the dirty details of affair to help move on? Do you ignore and move forward as if it didn't happen? Do you share all pain you are feeling with spouse or partner or keep it inside in order to not relive it over and over again?If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.
A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.
The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.
Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.
It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.
The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.
The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.
One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.
There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.
It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.
It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.
There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.
Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.
This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.
I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.
If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.
If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.
Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.
So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.
A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.
The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.
Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.
It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.
The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.
The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.
One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.
There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.
It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.
It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.
There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.
Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.
This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.
I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.
If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.
If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.
Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.
So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.
Advice on foreign student marriages & becoming a permanent resident?
I am engaged to a foreign student (who is here in the US legally on a student visa) and I was wondering what procedures we need to go through in order for him to become a permanent resident. Since he is already here legally, do I still have to ';petition for immigration';? [Fill out the I-130]
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.
Everybody Loves Raymond, Marie Barone's Advice on Marriage?
Does anybody have the transcript of the speech/advice that Marie Barone gives to Debra,Ray,Robert and Amy about marriage after Amy and Robert try to give their own advice on the subject having only been married for three months? The Episode (#0304 Season 8) is called ';Misery Loves Company';Everybody Loves Raymond, Marie Barone's Advice on Marriage?
Can't remembe what Marie said, but Amy gave them a copy of the book ';Marriage Is An Amusement Park';. That's what started it.
I'm sure she gave them some ';wisdom advice';. lol lol Good question. Keep watching re-runs, it's bound to be on again.
Can't remembe what Marie said, but Amy gave them a copy of the book ';Marriage Is An Amusement Park';. That's what started it.
I'm sure she gave them some ';wisdom advice';. lol lol Good question. Keep watching re-runs, it's bound to be on again.
My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I am married with two girls. I was living in Jamaica for 33 years. I was married for 10yrs and I finally came to live in New York with my husband. But while I was in Jamaica, my husband was sleeping with another Jamaican woman. He has a son with this woman. My eldest daughter joined Facebook and she add my husband son mother as a friend. My daughter showed me the lady on Facebook. The lady posted my husband last name as hers. She adds photos of her in my husband house. My husband is still with her on the low. I told him, how I felt and he started to get mad about divorcing me. What can I do, should I turn to God or should I leave him? What about my daughter, should I tell her to remove the lady as a friend? Help me, I am dying inside. I need bible scriptures to help me.My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31
i think that if you still love him very much try to work things out but if not leave him! there is no sin in divorce as longs as its for adultry!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I have a rule for myself -
If my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is willing to come back to me, by all means, and I will definitely forgive her.
But if my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is unwilling to come back tome, then there's no point continuing the relationship/marriage.
And you could ask your daughter to remove her as a friend, if the photo of that slut offends you.
Go see a divorce lawyer. You'll get your husband's money and custody of your daughters.
Edit:
The lawyer will a percentage of your divorce settlement at the end.
.
You need a good marriage counselor, not YA. Get help.
The last thing you need is bible scripture. You want something to help or disquise the situation? You have two options. You can kick your husband to the curb or you can have a open marriage. Your children will see their half siblings as having done no wrong and the mother as succombing to your husbands advances. If you think you are good looking enough to get another man do it. If it's about money do what will keep you off broke. Your children will not love a broke person. You made the original mistake of not living with your husband from the beginning. You should have known he would get some on the side if you were not there. Accept your own fault.
It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31
i think that if you still love him very much try to work things out but if not leave him! there is no sin in divorce as longs as its for adultry!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I have a rule for myself -
If my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is willing to come back to me, by all means, and I will definitely forgive her.
But if my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is unwilling to come back tome, then there's no point continuing the relationship/marriage.
And you could ask your daughter to remove her as a friend, if the photo of that slut offends you.
Go see a divorce lawyer. You'll get your husband's money and custody of your daughters.
Edit:
The lawyer will a percentage of your divorce settlement at the end.
.
You need a good marriage counselor, not YA. Get help.
The last thing you need is bible scripture. You want something to help or disquise the situation? You have two options. You can kick your husband to the curb or you can have a open marriage. Your children will see their half siblings as having done no wrong and the mother as succombing to your husbands advances. If you think you are good looking enough to get another man do it. If it's about money do what will keep you off broke. Your children will not love a broke person. You made the original mistake of not living with your husband from the beginning. You should have known he would get some on the side if you were not there. Accept your own fault.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
My fiancee and I am are looking at getting married February because of several facts and we love each other so much. But my family thinks I am WAY too young and her and I would not financially succeed. Here are the facts:
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I was a few months shy of 21 and he was exactly 6 months older when we married. We were in a long distance relationship as well. The main difference between us and you is that he already had a well paying job as a self-taught computer programmer/engineer and I owned my photography business. We'd both been on our own and supporting ourselves for the last couple years and we'd graduated high school early too, at 16.
I'm not so worried about your ages as I am about your near-breakups. Fights and arguments are normal and even good, because without them you'd know that one or both of you aren't being honest and real. But a near breakup is something else. If you haven't been together or known each other for at least several years, I'd wait on it.
The money isn't a big deal to me though. It's nice to have and it's hard to have to do without, but believe it or not, love trumps money. If you're positive that you and her are stubborn and determined enough to make this thing work, I'd go for it.Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I married my middle/high school sweetheart both of us at age 21 (we are now 23).
He is a US Marine and I can tell you from 3 years of dating. He has been to Iraq twice and stationed in Okinawa, Japan. He also lived at Camp Pendleton, CA for a few months before I moved there (I was 4 hours away in our home town). Before I moved, I would see him every weekend or every other weekend for 4 months straight.......
So I can tell you we had a lot of distance and time away from each other.
So with that said, I feel I am qualified to give this advice based out of experience.
Please.....spend more time with eachother before you get married.
You need that re-connection with her on a daily bases. Once you get married, you won't always have time together; however, you both need to go through the stages of being together. You will find more things about her, good and not so good, same thing with you to her, about eachother and need that time to learn how to solve such issues.
Another thing I want to point out is that you have this ';life style'; schedule here.
You can get in a car wreck tomorrow and that whole Army career is put on hold or won't ever happen.
That could be a possible reason why both your families are worried. Here is a picture perfected, maped out life but none has ';what if's'; in it.
So wonderful you both are working out and in love. I am not saying you are both too young. As I said, I was 21 so I wouldn't have room to talk.
We are on Ft. Sill (Army base actually) with our necks up in stress/bills because we just bought a house and fully been on our own since day one. With a pregnancy and crappy economy here......trust me, you will come into situations that was not in your ';schedule'; like mine was so ';picture perfected'; maped out just like yours.......
Our families had mix emotions too; however, I am the first ';child'; to get a degree from college while he is the first pretty much in most of his family to go into the military. So we have good heads on our shoulders. In all reality, they eventually accepted fully.
Your parents are just worried. Respect that. One day, you will be worried about your kids marrying at 19-21.
People are so quick at putting an age on marriage, and yes for the most part some do marry way to young. But some people marry for the first time in their late 20's or early 30's, and with in months throw the towel in.
For some odd reason it was ';OK'; to do so, back in the 20's/30's/40's and 50's. Some young girls were 15 when they got married, and their grooms not much older.
My daughter is 18 and has been with jake for a year now (her first b/f) and they talk all the time about moving in, having kids one day, getting married and all that good stuff.
I just laugh to myself when they do so around me, in my mind ';YES'; they are both so young. And i know they wouldn't make it, but who am i to poke my nose in if they were too.
It's one of life's lesson's, so times you have to do and take that chance.
Who are we really to say, what's good for others and what's not. Would i like to see my child fall flat on her face? ';NO'; nor do your or her parents. They all only want what's best, for your both.
But it's not their life to live, i would say do what feels right to you both.
If this is the right one, the women you feel your meant to be with. Then so be it, do what feels right.
Just make it a point to wait on hanging that first baby, and spend as much time with each other.There is not harm in waiting 2 or 3 years before starting a family.
Sounds like you both know what your looking for in life, you might be young to some. But you both have goals and know what you both need and want out of life.
I was married at 19, my husband was also 19. Yes, there is a certain level of maturity ';missing';... but we worked through it because we love eachother. We have been married for almost 9 years, were sealed in the temple 3 years ago. If you wait until you are ';financially ready'; you won't ever get married, there will always be an excuse. Money will always be an issue, even if you start out with ';enough';, unless you are a billionaire.
Do what you feel is right. You are both adults and if you are willing to comitt to eachother, then go for it. Pray about it, ask your Heavenly Father if it is right.
Age, at a certain point, doesn't really have anything to do with it. If you both feel as though you can make the marriage work, then you are ready. Marriage is hard at any age, but it is also wonderful. Just do what you BOTH feel is right.
My big question here is will she be able to continue her education? If she can't then you should wait out of respect for her having the same opportunities that you will have. If she doesn't want to, then it sounds fine, but she may regret it and it may limit her options later on. The not finishing her education part.
It sounds like you two know what you want, and you've been planning it for awhile. Your future is financially stable, and you have valid reasons for wanting to get married now. Don't let your family's feelings get in the way. It's hard when they don't approve, but this is your life, and you know what's right for you. If both of you will be happy with the wedding you've planned, don't let anyone change it by any means.
First of all what does this mean: ';We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.';
Just wanted to know that before I give any real adcive.
However, from personal experience I am 21 and my fiancee is 22 were getting married next december but when we got engaged he was 19 and i was 18- EVERYONE said that we were too young.
I think the best thing we ever did for our relationship was wait untill we got married because we did want to get married right away, but since we were young we faught a lot a lot a lot!!! and just needed to take some time on us.
Personally I think you should fly your girl out for at least a 2-3 week vacation and spend every together and see where you two are at when the vacation ends...becuase you live so far away you have no idea what its like being with this woman all of the time.
Just try it...and good luck to you in your future
First thing first, you know each other by the little time you spend together, and by what you tell each other,when you get married in two weeks following her arrival, you may not click on close levels, maybe she can move and live close to you for a while, spend a lot of time together, living together, is a lot different than hanging out, I would never say you are too young, Movies are made on those long and young marriages that last...But you need to see the person for who they are ...not what you seem them to be
Sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight and know what you want. I think that you're ready if you feel ready. If you have any doubts follow what you're parents are saying but if you don't then I think it wouldn't be stupid to get married.
Anyway, there is something to say for having parental support. Relationships have a tough time lasting when families aren't behind them 100%. I would sit down with your family and have a real heart to heart.
Anyway, good luck and congratulations!
your to young... its all love and dovey but marriage is a big step in life your only 21 maybe get engage first and see where life goes from there and if your truly ready then its up to you both
good~luck
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I was a few months shy of 21 and he was exactly 6 months older when we married. We were in a long distance relationship as well. The main difference between us and you is that he already had a well paying job as a self-taught computer programmer/engineer and I owned my photography business. We'd both been on our own and supporting ourselves for the last couple years and we'd graduated high school early too, at 16.
I'm not so worried about your ages as I am about your near-breakups. Fights and arguments are normal and even good, because without them you'd know that one or both of you aren't being honest and real. But a near breakup is something else. If you haven't been together or known each other for at least several years, I'd wait on it.
The money isn't a big deal to me though. It's nice to have and it's hard to have to do without, but believe it or not, love trumps money. If you're positive that you and her are stubborn and determined enough to make this thing work, I'd go for it.Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I married my middle/high school sweetheart both of us at age 21 (we are now 23).
He is a US Marine and I can tell you from 3 years of dating. He has been to Iraq twice and stationed in Okinawa, Japan. He also lived at Camp Pendleton, CA for a few months before I moved there (I was 4 hours away in our home town). Before I moved, I would see him every weekend or every other weekend for 4 months straight.......
So I can tell you we had a lot of distance and time away from each other.
So with that said, I feel I am qualified to give this advice based out of experience.
Please.....spend more time with eachother before you get married.
You need that re-connection with her on a daily bases. Once you get married, you won't always have time together; however, you both need to go through the stages of being together. You will find more things about her, good and not so good, same thing with you to her, about eachother and need that time to learn how to solve such issues.
Another thing I want to point out is that you have this ';life style'; schedule here.
You can get in a car wreck tomorrow and that whole Army career is put on hold or won't ever happen.
That could be a possible reason why both your families are worried. Here is a picture perfected, maped out life but none has ';what if's'; in it.
So wonderful you both are working out and in love. I am not saying you are both too young. As I said, I was 21 so I wouldn't have room to talk.
We are on Ft. Sill (Army base actually) with our necks up in stress/bills because we just bought a house and fully been on our own since day one. With a pregnancy and crappy economy here......trust me, you will come into situations that was not in your ';schedule'; like mine was so ';picture perfected'; maped out just like yours.......
Our families had mix emotions too; however, I am the first ';child'; to get a degree from college while he is the first pretty much in most of his family to go into the military. So we have good heads on our shoulders. In all reality, they eventually accepted fully.
Your parents are just worried. Respect that. One day, you will be worried about your kids marrying at 19-21.
People are so quick at putting an age on marriage, and yes for the most part some do marry way to young. But some people marry for the first time in their late 20's or early 30's, and with in months throw the towel in.
For some odd reason it was ';OK'; to do so, back in the 20's/30's/40's and 50's. Some young girls were 15 when they got married, and their grooms not much older.
My daughter is 18 and has been with jake for a year now (her first b/f) and they talk all the time about moving in, having kids one day, getting married and all that good stuff.
I just laugh to myself when they do so around me, in my mind ';YES'; they are both so young. And i know they wouldn't make it, but who am i to poke my nose in if they were too.
It's one of life's lesson's, so times you have to do and take that chance.
Who are we really to say, what's good for others and what's not. Would i like to see my child fall flat on her face? ';NO'; nor do your or her parents. They all only want what's best, for your both.
But it's not their life to live, i would say do what feels right to you both.
If this is the right one, the women you feel your meant to be with. Then so be it, do what feels right.
Just make it a point to wait on hanging that first baby, and spend as much time with each other.There is not harm in waiting 2 or 3 years before starting a family.
Sounds like you both know what your looking for in life, you might be young to some. But you both have goals and know what you both need and want out of life.
I was married at 19, my husband was also 19. Yes, there is a certain level of maturity ';missing';... but we worked through it because we love eachother. We have been married for almost 9 years, were sealed in the temple 3 years ago. If you wait until you are ';financially ready'; you won't ever get married, there will always be an excuse. Money will always be an issue, even if you start out with ';enough';, unless you are a billionaire.
Do what you feel is right. You are both adults and if you are willing to comitt to eachother, then go for it. Pray about it, ask your Heavenly Father if it is right.
Age, at a certain point, doesn't really have anything to do with it. If you both feel as though you can make the marriage work, then you are ready. Marriage is hard at any age, but it is also wonderful. Just do what you BOTH feel is right.
My big question here is will she be able to continue her education? If she can't then you should wait out of respect for her having the same opportunities that you will have. If she doesn't want to, then it sounds fine, but she may regret it and it may limit her options later on. The not finishing her education part.
It sounds like you two know what you want, and you've been planning it for awhile. Your future is financially stable, and you have valid reasons for wanting to get married now. Don't let your family's feelings get in the way. It's hard when they don't approve, but this is your life, and you know what's right for you. If both of you will be happy with the wedding you've planned, don't let anyone change it by any means.
First of all what does this mean: ';We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.';
Just wanted to know that before I give any real adcive.
However, from personal experience I am 21 and my fiancee is 22 were getting married next december but when we got engaged he was 19 and i was 18- EVERYONE said that we were too young.
I think the best thing we ever did for our relationship was wait untill we got married because we did want to get married right away, but since we were young we faught a lot a lot a lot!!! and just needed to take some time on us.
Personally I think you should fly your girl out for at least a 2-3 week vacation and spend every together and see where you two are at when the vacation ends...becuase you live so far away you have no idea what its like being with this woman all of the time.
Just try it...and good luck to you in your future
First thing first, you know each other by the little time you spend together, and by what you tell each other,when you get married in two weeks following her arrival, you may not click on close levels, maybe she can move and live close to you for a while, spend a lot of time together, living together, is a lot different than hanging out, I would never say you are too young, Movies are made on those long and young marriages that last...But you need to see the person for who they are ...not what you seem them to be
Sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight and know what you want. I think that you're ready if you feel ready. If you have any doubts follow what you're parents are saying but if you don't then I think it wouldn't be stupid to get married.
Anyway, there is something to say for having parental support. Relationships have a tough time lasting when families aren't behind them 100%. I would sit down with your family and have a real heart to heart.
Anyway, good luck and congratulations!
your to young... its all love and dovey but marriage is a big step in life your only 21 maybe get engage first and see where life goes from there and if your truly ready then its up to you both
good~luck
Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
Hi, I am a college student. I met my wife just as I got out of the Marines a few years ago. We fell in love and got married. She comes from a rich background but says money doesn't matter, and I just happened to meet her in the point in time when I was about to leave Cali and fly back to RI to finish college. So when I came back I brought her with me, and now we live together. Problem is I have to fight with her to pay half of the bills as I pay the other half, we both work, but she sleeps all day and only works 2 days a week. When I get home there is no food made, and the apt isn't clean. I basically have to tell her to do everything that involves responsibility. But as far as partying and going out she is an expert on that. She loves to go to dave and Busters with her friend, and where ever her friend goes. Her friend is a bad influence on her cause she is with a guy and cheats on him allot. But she says not to worry. I love her but, I seem so different from her, counselingOrdivorce?Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
Sounds like you need to put your foot down or send her packing.
Semper Fi!Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
The only way to get answers is to ASK questions... First off - What do you WANT? Never, ever use the word ';need';. This is the most selfish word ever created. If she responds with needs, then take in the selfishness of the answer. When speaking of yourself, state what it is YOU want. But good communication comes from listening! Then you can make better decisions about your future!
have you told her EXACTLY what you told us?
It does sound like she is in the wrong here and probably was too immature to marry.
In a marriage you BOTH have responsibilities- if you work more.. and support her more financially.. she needs to do more aroudn the house. Marriage is all about helping each other our and beign a team and it sounds liek shes very selfish.
I suggest that you tell her your concerns.. and see if she changes. I have a feeling she wont.
If she doesnt.. you ahve to decide.. is she (LIKE SHE IS) worth spending your life with? Do YOU deserve more?
it certainly sounds like your putting alot more in then she does.
Sounds like you need to put your foot down or send her packing.
Semper Fi!Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
The only way to get answers is to ASK questions... First off - What do you WANT? Never, ever use the word ';need';. This is the most selfish word ever created. If she responds with needs, then take in the selfishness of the answer. When speaking of yourself, state what it is YOU want. But good communication comes from listening! Then you can make better decisions about your future!
have you told her EXACTLY what you told us?
It does sound like she is in the wrong here and probably was too immature to marry.
In a marriage you BOTH have responsibilities- if you work more.. and support her more financially.. she needs to do more aroudn the house. Marriage is all about helping each other our and beign a team and it sounds liek shes very selfish.
I suggest that you tell her your concerns.. and see if she changes. I have a feeling she wont.
If she doesnt.. you ahve to decide.. is she (LIKE SHE IS) worth spending your life with? Do YOU deserve more?
it certainly sounds like your putting alot more in then she does.
My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I am married with two girls. I was living in Jamaica for 33 years. I was married for 10yrs and I finally came to live in New York with my husband. But while I was in Jamaica, my husband was sleeping with another Jamaican woman. He has a son with this woman. My eldest daughter joined Facebook and she add my husband son mother as a friend. My daughter showed me the lady on Facebook. The lady posted my husband last name as hers. She adds photos of her in my husband house. My husband is still with her on the low. I told him, how I felt and he started to get mad about divorcing me. What can I do, should I turn to God or should I leave him? What about my daughter, should I tell her to remove the lady as a friend? Help me, I am dying inside. I need bible scriptures to help me.My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
You need to pray for guidance, and divorce him! You do not deserve to be treated that way and your daughter should know better than to befriend someone that has caused you so much pain. You need to have a talk with your daughter. Leave HIM!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
You should turn to God and pray for the strength to leave him. He has ruined your marriage. I would not involve your daughter. Do not inflict your feelings of betrayal on her. Do not turn her against her father and his other family, or she may resent you for doing it, eventually. Ask God to give you strength and leave this man for good. He does not deserve you, and you certainly deserve better.
Put this situation in Gods hands and leave it there.
There is nothing you can do to change anything and worrying will do you no good!
Honey you don't need bible scriptures. You need a divorce attorney! God will help you start over. No woman should ever have to put up with what you have. You will be ok. I know how hard it is to start over alone. But you will be happy again. It will just take time. Good luck.
You need a job. What is it with you women who allow yourselves to become men's slaves by not having an education, a job or a profession?? This is the year 2009 there is no excuse for that.
The only thing that will help you in this is God for comfort and a lawyer to sort out the details.
You need to print out the information from your daughter, and you need to make sure you give it to your lawyer.
Whatever you do is what God is telling you to do!
Sit down with your daughter and tell her how you feel about her being friends with that woman.
Find a job!
Start anew............. just like Revelations says..............Start anew. It is in a message I got today from a friend. I guess I was supposed to tell you this because I'm in bed and ready for sleep and by complete chance I'm writing this to you. I'm a male, 43 years old. Not very religious but, I did receive this ';start anew'; from a friend of mine this morning in my e mail. I'm passing it on to you because I guess it fits and I feel compelled to tell you............ I believe this is your answer. I beleive this in my heart. Weird, but, I just feel this way. Take care, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.
yes in this case its over.
go to psalms,
speak to a pastor. go to a baptist church, read the bible.
psalm 73;26 my flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart,and my portion forever'.
28; it is good for me to draw near to God, I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works'.
psalm 18;3 'I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so I be saved from my enemies'.
yes have your daughter delete her from facebook, of course.
You need to pray for guidance, and divorce him! You do not deserve to be treated that way and your daughter should know better than to befriend someone that has caused you so much pain. You need to have a talk with your daughter. Leave HIM!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
You should turn to God and pray for the strength to leave him. He has ruined your marriage. I would not involve your daughter. Do not inflict your feelings of betrayal on her. Do not turn her against her father and his other family, or she may resent you for doing it, eventually. Ask God to give you strength and leave this man for good. He does not deserve you, and you certainly deserve better.
Put this situation in Gods hands and leave it there.
There is nothing you can do to change anything and worrying will do you no good!
Honey you don't need bible scriptures. You need a divorce attorney! God will help you start over. No woman should ever have to put up with what you have. You will be ok. I know how hard it is to start over alone. But you will be happy again. It will just take time. Good luck.
You need a job. What is it with you women who allow yourselves to become men's slaves by not having an education, a job or a profession?? This is the year 2009 there is no excuse for that.
The only thing that will help you in this is God for comfort and a lawyer to sort out the details.
You need to print out the information from your daughter, and you need to make sure you give it to your lawyer.
Whatever you do is what God is telling you to do!
Sit down with your daughter and tell her how you feel about her being friends with that woman.
Find a job!
Start anew............. just like Revelations says..............Start anew. It is in a message I got today from a friend. I guess I was supposed to tell you this because I'm in bed and ready for sleep and by complete chance I'm writing this to you. I'm a male, 43 years old. Not very religious but, I did receive this ';start anew'; from a friend of mine this morning in my e mail. I'm passing it on to you because I guess it fits and I feel compelled to tell you............ I believe this is your answer. I beleive this in my heart. Weird, but, I just feel this way. Take care, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.
yes in this case its over.
go to psalms,
speak to a pastor. go to a baptist church, read the bible.
psalm 73;26 my flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart,and my portion forever'.
28; it is good for me to draw near to God, I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works'.
psalm 18;3 'I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so I be saved from my enemies'.
yes have your daughter delete her from facebook, of course.
Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
I'ts been a month of separation. My husband of 10yrs is really REALLY trying to make our marriage work. But in 10yrs, was the worst husband you could ever imagine...NEVER helped clean, cook, help with kids, faithful. Just a momma's boy and walked all over me. Now he is keeping the kids, cooks dinner, calls me and tells me his every move. AFFECTIONATE. I mean really trying. He told me today that he created our monster of a marriage, and he knows what he needs to do fix it. Should I believe him, or is he just pulling my leg to keep me from going to the friend of the court? How do I know if he is for real or just playing a game b/c he knows I love him?Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Losing his family and you leaving makes some people re-evaluate things and you are seeing the results. Sounds like this is the case. It's really up to you if you want to give him a second chance in life. And how do you know if he's faking it? You don't. No one really fakes the hurt of losing a spouse and doing everything they can to get them back.
The ultimate decision is yours. Just recognize that he's trying...trying real hard to set things right. Don't hate him for that.Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Give the separation more time. Try to meet him halfway though. Since you have children and you love him it's worth it to try to reconcile. Getting back together too soon would be a mistake.
Stay strong.
It's great that he is trying to change, but it takes two people to make a relationship. Try to figure out the mistakes you have made also and work on them.
Good luck!
I would have to say you are better off learning sooner than later. conserve the money it cost for two households and travel, you should both be in the same house with the children. I am sure he sees now what he almost lost and the only way to prove that is to put it into action, make it clear this does not mean he wins, but the test gets harder and the same results are at stake. Good Luck to you both.
If he is serious about your marriage, he will go to weekly marriage counseling sessions with you.
You both need it. Your marriage hasn't worked for 10 years. You need to find a counselor who can give you new skills and new ways of negotiating life with one another.
Its like the old saying goes. You never know how good you had it until its gone. Maybe he has realized it and really wants you back. Have you ever made a mistake? Did you think you deserved a second chance? I say give it a shot, it sounds like he really is sorry for the way it was before.
You don't know he is 'for real' or 'playing a game' until you test him. . . . . You know his best.
Could be either. . . . . . . and remember, creatures always return to habits.
Right now he misses you but let him miss you more. He needs to know that you are serious. But I would suggest counseling, believe me it works if you two are serious about WORKING to make your marriage work.
that's a set up. you mean we can do it apart but not together. how can you be ok with going from the wife to the girlfriend. becuase that's what you are now. get ya mind right.
I guess the big question would be...do you still love him. My ex promised me the moon if I would not move out. I never got the moon and it was the same old stuff 2 weeks later.
omg this is me years and all and im scared but im trying just being extremely careful and watchful and i'm not getting my hopes up either good luck
Sometimes it takes drastic measures (such as a break-up) for someone to see what they had and didn't respect. He really may be trying to change to save his marriage. I think one month is not long enough to know that for sure. Give it more time, and I think his true reasons will reveal themselves for the good or for the bad.
As you say, one month doesn't change the past. Still at least he appears to be making an effort. Some times a person has to literally be knocked over the head to realize they need to change and that what they have done in the past is wrong. My advice is to go slow and make sure the changes last and that other changes that you would need made to make this marriage work are also occurring. Then slowly give him another chance but make it clear what needs to continue. And be sure to let him know when he slips up without being mean about it and see how it goes. It would be silly to throw away 10 years if it can be fixed. Some times we have to at least give a person a chance to change.
Interesting that you have not seen your part of the destruction of the marriage. It was that you let him walk all over you. You need to be more direct with him and what you need. You may be a ';giver'; personality. Look in to it.
Also, it is interesting that he thinks he can fix everything. That's simply not the case.
You have to find your part in it, too. Please read: ';Boundaries in Marriage'; by Townsend and Cloud. Or, even start with ';Boundaries, when to say yes, how to say no, take control of your life'; by the same authors.
You will need to take more of an initiative than YA. Take care, best to you both.
Well you loving him or even he loving you does NOT fix a marriage! Dr. Phil says future behavior is gauged by past behavior and unfortunately those 10 years of lousy behavior are not typically something that will suddenly change! He has shown you who HE IS. just because he says he wants to change and be different that does not guarantee anything. If he doesn't want to lose you and the family he might say ANYTHING to get you back - only to end up exactly where you were before.
Don't be QUICK to accept this from him. TRUE colors always show up with time and patience and HE needs to prove himself over a period of time and hopefully with counseling too for himself and the two of you. If you allow him to maneuver himself right back in the door - YOU are just asking for trouble. YOU deserve better, you need more, you should be happy and helped and have a loyal, trustworthy, kind, considerate, giving spouse - that is NOT asking too much. It's easy to be nice to get your way. anyone can put on a nice face and act a certain way for a short time - the truth will be told in his consistent, continued, honest, slow steps towards more positive behavior %26amp; actions with professional help.
Don't believe what he says - BELIEVE what you see as you slowly, patiently and over a period of time SEE actual, genuine, real change for the better. DON'T be in any hurry to get back together here..... make him show you and prove to you that is matters enough to him to also wait and be patient and truly change because he knows he has problems and he recognizes his errors and the issues of your marriage.... make him see, face and talk about the reality of it all! Step back and slow down.... time will tell.
I love your question! I think this is the best medicine for your marriage. He now is doing things with the kids and doing the domestic work around his new place I think you should believe him when he says he wants the marriage to work . everyday that goes by he is appreciating you more and more, and loving you more and more. I think he's starting to realize what he had and what he didn't do around the house to help you, sometimes you have to us tough love to get someone to listen to you, and to appreciate you . Keep up the good work and he will be home soon . I call this the hard knocks of school.elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
Losing his family and you leaving makes some people re-evaluate things and you are seeing the results. Sounds like this is the case. It's really up to you if you want to give him a second chance in life. And how do you know if he's faking it? You don't. No one really fakes the hurt of losing a spouse and doing everything they can to get them back.
The ultimate decision is yours. Just recognize that he's trying...trying real hard to set things right. Don't hate him for that.Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Give the separation more time. Try to meet him halfway though. Since you have children and you love him it's worth it to try to reconcile. Getting back together too soon would be a mistake.
Stay strong.
It's great that he is trying to change, but it takes two people to make a relationship. Try to figure out the mistakes you have made also and work on them.
Good luck!
I would have to say you are better off learning sooner than later. conserve the money it cost for two households and travel, you should both be in the same house with the children. I am sure he sees now what he almost lost and the only way to prove that is to put it into action, make it clear this does not mean he wins, but the test gets harder and the same results are at stake. Good Luck to you both.
If he is serious about your marriage, he will go to weekly marriage counseling sessions with you.
You both need it. Your marriage hasn't worked for 10 years. You need to find a counselor who can give you new skills and new ways of negotiating life with one another.
Its like the old saying goes. You never know how good you had it until its gone. Maybe he has realized it and really wants you back. Have you ever made a mistake? Did you think you deserved a second chance? I say give it a shot, it sounds like he really is sorry for the way it was before.
You don't know he is 'for real' or 'playing a game' until you test him. . . . . You know his best.
Could be either. . . . . . . and remember, creatures always return to habits.
Right now he misses you but let him miss you more. He needs to know that you are serious. But I would suggest counseling, believe me it works if you two are serious about WORKING to make your marriage work.
that's a set up. you mean we can do it apart but not together. how can you be ok with going from the wife to the girlfriend. becuase that's what you are now. get ya mind right.
I guess the big question would be...do you still love him. My ex promised me the moon if I would not move out. I never got the moon and it was the same old stuff 2 weeks later.
omg this is me years and all and im scared but im trying just being extremely careful and watchful and i'm not getting my hopes up either good luck
Sometimes it takes drastic measures (such as a break-up) for someone to see what they had and didn't respect. He really may be trying to change to save his marriage. I think one month is not long enough to know that for sure. Give it more time, and I think his true reasons will reveal themselves for the good or for the bad.
As you say, one month doesn't change the past. Still at least he appears to be making an effort. Some times a person has to literally be knocked over the head to realize they need to change and that what they have done in the past is wrong. My advice is to go slow and make sure the changes last and that other changes that you would need made to make this marriage work are also occurring. Then slowly give him another chance but make it clear what needs to continue. And be sure to let him know when he slips up without being mean about it and see how it goes. It would be silly to throw away 10 years if it can be fixed. Some times we have to at least give a person a chance to change.
Interesting that you have not seen your part of the destruction of the marriage. It was that you let him walk all over you. You need to be more direct with him and what you need. You may be a ';giver'; personality. Look in to it.
Also, it is interesting that he thinks he can fix everything. That's simply not the case.
You have to find your part in it, too. Please read: ';Boundaries in Marriage'; by Townsend and Cloud. Or, even start with ';Boundaries, when to say yes, how to say no, take control of your life'; by the same authors.
You will need to take more of an initiative than YA. Take care, best to you both.
Well you loving him or even he loving you does NOT fix a marriage! Dr. Phil says future behavior is gauged by past behavior and unfortunately those 10 years of lousy behavior are not typically something that will suddenly change! He has shown you who HE IS. just because he says he wants to change and be different that does not guarantee anything. If he doesn't want to lose you and the family he might say ANYTHING to get you back - only to end up exactly where you were before.
Don't be QUICK to accept this from him. TRUE colors always show up with time and patience and HE needs to prove himself over a period of time and hopefully with counseling too for himself and the two of you. If you allow him to maneuver himself right back in the door - YOU are just asking for trouble. YOU deserve better, you need more, you should be happy and helped and have a loyal, trustworthy, kind, considerate, giving spouse - that is NOT asking too much. It's easy to be nice to get your way. anyone can put on a nice face and act a certain way for a short time - the truth will be told in his consistent, continued, honest, slow steps towards more positive behavior %26amp; actions with professional help.
Don't believe what he says - BELIEVE what you see as you slowly, patiently and over a period of time SEE actual, genuine, real change for the better. DON'T be in any hurry to get back together here..... make him show you and prove to you that is matters enough to him to also wait and be patient and truly change because he knows he has problems and he recognizes his errors and the issues of your marriage.... make him see, face and talk about the reality of it all! Step back and slow down.... time will tell.
I love your question! I think this is the best medicine for your marriage. He now is doing things with the kids and doing the domestic work around his new place I think you should believe him when he says he wants the marriage to work . everyday that goes by he is appreciating you more and more, and loving you more and more. I think he's starting to realize what he had and what he didn't do around the house to help you, sometimes you have to us tough love to get someone to listen to you, and to appreciate you . Keep up the good work and he will be home soon . I call this the hard knocks of school.
Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
My husband and I have been together 4 years, married only one. After we got married everything changed. After being married one month his business suffered major loss so I loaned him several thousand dollars which he promised to pay back and he hasn't yet. He also layed out of work for eight months and hasn't helped me with hardly any bills.Marriage is hard enough as it is. He is very secretive and doesn't let me do anything. I love him for the person he used to be and know it is in my best interest to leave but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road. What should I do? I can't keep sane and live like this.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
We have similar stories. We had a much shorter courtship than you, but the money started going out the window sooner. I too loved him for who he was when we met, and went through nearly $300K trying to make him happy %26amp; see that person again. I never considered any of it a loan though, just foolishness on my part. I spent our entire marraige supporting him financially (even though he worked, he rarely had enough money to contribute to the household) and emotionally, and getting nothing in return. I kept telling myself that he was under a lot of stress since he had lost the business I put him in after a year. But on my end the financial strain I was under was overwhelming, yet I never got any support from him. He never helped around the house, and even taking out the garbage was always too much trouble, so I did everything. I worked, took care of the house, bills %26amp; children, cleaned %26amp; did laundry %26amp; all he ever did was complain every now %26amp; again that I wasn't doing a good enough job. His life consisted of getting out of bed, then playing on the computer til it was time to shower %26amp; go to work, and yet still I stayed. My husband was very secretive too. At the begining of our relationship, his life was an open book, but then I started catching him in lies %26amp; his passwords started to change. I found myself being suspicious of every move he made, and every word that came out of his mouth. I didn't even recognize the person I became as my sole purpose in life was trying to recapture that magic we had early on. It didn't happen, and the day came that I became angry %26amp; finally decided I'd had enough. I'm lonely, I'm scared %26amp; I don't doubt for a second that I made the right decision. He walked away from the relationship complaining that it wasn't fair that I got everything, even though he had nothing when he came to me and I'm now so buried in debt that I doubt I'll ever recover. But I'm looking ahead, and I know that my future will be more peaceful %26amp; secure without him. The decision is yours to make. Doors don't need to be locked and never opened again. If you feel like you need to leave now for your own good, then do it. No one says that you can't try to reconcile after time has gone by %26amp; you truly feel that you want to give it another shot. My hope is that after my husband sees the burden he's placed on me after having to support himself for a while, that maybe in the future we can have another chance. But for now, I'm doing what's best for me %26amp; my children. Just remember that resentment, like hate %26amp; jealousy is a poisonous emotion that will only harm you, not him.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
Marriage equals committment from both of you not just you. Your husband needs to understand and address this. I would confront him about how you feel and if he is not motivated to change , you can have a break away maybe this would motivate him into sorting this out. You may feel like you have made a mistake down the road however the biggest risk is not taking any at all. If you dont act now you will continue in this misery. Only you can take the step to make a change. Take Care and wish you well.
I think a lot of the issue is you. You consider the money you gave your husband to be a loan. When your married your money is his and his is yours, so how can it be a loan? Why does he have to pay it back. His business suffered a major loss so that means your business suffered a major loss.
Did you remember the part where you said ';for better or for worse, in sickness and health';
Didn't your parents tell you when you get married everything is 50/50. When you get a divorce you will find out what 50/50 means.
It sounds like you have a business arrangement, like business partners, not a marriage.
By the way your husband is the same person you married 4 years ago. You just choose to ignore it then.
stick to your vows and work through your problems. communicate with him and perhaps try some sort of counseling. the Bible says ';a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two'; (Ecclesiastes 4:12) - put God in your marriage, slow down %26amp; try to work with your husband. he may likely be devastated because of the business loss %26amp; not being able to provide properly for his family. he may need your emotional support more than you think. but you won't know until you both are open %26amp; honest with each other.
Sounds to me like you married a sociopath. You don't love him for ';the person he used to be.'; You love him for *the person you THOUGHT he was*!!! An important difference. He was never that person. He was fooling you. Now he's using you to milk as much money out of you as he can. Get out as quickly as you can, and kiss the money you loaned him goodbye. Get your finances separated as quickly as you can, too.
You are married. Some where in there you said for better or worse. If you are married why are you ';loaning him money' what happen to joining everything together. Is money more important then your heart that you joined love and hearts but don't touch my money. You are the selfish one with the problem. He is goiing through hard times and it sounds like all you care about is your money and what am I going to do. You are a selfish self centered B*** and he does not deserve you
Just move on. We all make bad choices in life, but that doesn't mean we have to live with them. ';but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road.'; ... better to face the mistake you are currently living with than to worry about one that may or may not occur later on in life.
If you are always focusing on finances, he has no choice but to be secretive.
Most of what is mentioned here is finances.
I could see moving on for adultery, but maybe you should have married your stock broker, and not a husband.
You are the only one who can advise yourself, sit down and draw a trial balance account of your marriage, look at the pros and cons, then make a decision.
If he isn't even trying to better the situation the marriage is doomed anyway so I would bounce if he shows the interest in making it work.
ALL THOSE ANSWERS ARE GREAT NOW REALLY WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WANT..
MAYBE COUNSELING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU
girl kick his *** to the curve.hes a free loader. as long as u continue to support his dead butt hes ganna walk over ya stand up for ur self now b4 its too late
I'm not sure why you plan to move on. It sounds like nothing has changed except that your husband had a business setback and now has been out of work. Do you think he plans to stay out of work? Is he looking for work? Because if he is, things like this happen in life. If he isn't, there's marriage counseling or just insisting. But someone losing a job isn't grounds for divorce, in my opinion. As for borrowing money from you - that makes no sense, sorry. You're married. Your assets are shared. That can hurt when one person doesn't manage money well, e.g. my ex, but still.
Edit: With the additional details you added, I agree with the person below - sounds like you married a sociopath or something like it, and, sadly, only figured it out after marriage. Which makes breaking up harder. I think the first thing to do is to find a clinical psychologist and get some counseling about it, or to simply consult a divorce attorney if you're sure that's what you want to do. I don't think it would hurt to give marriage counseling a shot for a couple of months, since it sounds like some of these problems could be solved if he SERIOUSLY worked on changing.
I almost didnt answer, but I think I should.
Hear me with care if you would....I dont mean this disrespectfully. How do you ';loan'; a spouse money? Once your married, its yours together, I thought? The mine and yours philosophy rarely works in marriage and that thought is a bit dangerous I think to the harmony of an intimate couple. Especially when it comes to money.
NOW, to your credit, you should tell him that you cant live like this and that things need to change. But remember, ';for better or worse'; doesnt mean ';until I get stressed out';. It means once a team, the team sticks it together.
I wouldnt want a spouse bailing on me when times got rough. Neither would you. BE HONEST with him. TELL him what you need. GIVE him the opportunity to show you.
We have similar stories. We had a much shorter courtship than you, but the money started going out the window sooner. I too loved him for who he was when we met, and went through nearly $300K trying to make him happy %26amp; see that person again. I never considered any of it a loan though, just foolishness on my part. I spent our entire marraige supporting him financially (even though he worked, he rarely had enough money to contribute to the household) and emotionally, and getting nothing in return. I kept telling myself that he was under a lot of stress since he had lost the business I put him in after a year. But on my end the financial strain I was under was overwhelming, yet I never got any support from him. He never helped around the house, and even taking out the garbage was always too much trouble, so I did everything. I worked, took care of the house, bills %26amp; children, cleaned %26amp; did laundry %26amp; all he ever did was complain every now %26amp; again that I wasn't doing a good enough job. His life consisted of getting out of bed, then playing on the computer til it was time to shower %26amp; go to work, and yet still I stayed. My husband was very secretive too. At the begining of our relationship, his life was an open book, but then I started catching him in lies %26amp; his passwords started to change. I found myself being suspicious of every move he made, and every word that came out of his mouth. I didn't even recognize the person I became as my sole purpose in life was trying to recapture that magic we had early on. It didn't happen, and the day came that I became angry %26amp; finally decided I'd had enough. I'm lonely, I'm scared %26amp; I don't doubt for a second that I made the right decision. He walked away from the relationship complaining that it wasn't fair that I got everything, even though he had nothing when he came to me and I'm now so buried in debt that I doubt I'll ever recover. But I'm looking ahead, and I know that my future will be more peaceful %26amp; secure without him. The decision is yours to make. Doors don't need to be locked and never opened again. If you feel like you need to leave now for your own good, then do it. No one says that you can't try to reconcile after time has gone by %26amp; you truly feel that you want to give it another shot. My hope is that after my husband sees the burden he's placed on me after having to support himself for a while, that maybe in the future we can have another chance. But for now, I'm doing what's best for me %26amp; my children. Just remember that resentment, like hate %26amp; jealousy is a poisonous emotion that will only harm you, not him.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
Marriage equals committment from both of you not just you. Your husband needs to understand and address this. I would confront him about how you feel and if he is not motivated to change , you can have a break away maybe this would motivate him into sorting this out. You may feel like you have made a mistake down the road however the biggest risk is not taking any at all. If you dont act now you will continue in this misery. Only you can take the step to make a change. Take Care and wish you well.
I think a lot of the issue is you. You consider the money you gave your husband to be a loan. When your married your money is his and his is yours, so how can it be a loan? Why does he have to pay it back. His business suffered a major loss so that means your business suffered a major loss.
Did you remember the part where you said ';for better or for worse, in sickness and health';
Didn't your parents tell you when you get married everything is 50/50. When you get a divorce you will find out what 50/50 means.
It sounds like you have a business arrangement, like business partners, not a marriage.
By the way your husband is the same person you married 4 years ago. You just choose to ignore it then.
stick to your vows and work through your problems. communicate with him and perhaps try some sort of counseling. the Bible says ';a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two'; (Ecclesiastes 4:12) - put God in your marriage, slow down %26amp; try to work with your husband. he may likely be devastated because of the business loss %26amp; not being able to provide properly for his family. he may need your emotional support more than you think. but you won't know until you both are open %26amp; honest with each other.
Sounds to me like you married a sociopath. You don't love him for ';the person he used to be.'; You love him for *the person you THOUGHT he was*!!! An important difference. He was never that person. He was fooling you. Now he's using you to milk as much money out of you as he can. Get out as quickly as you can, and kiss the money you loaned him goodbye. Get your finances separated as quickly as you can, too.
You are married. Some where in there you said for better or worse. If you are married why are you ';loaning him money' what happen to joining everything together. Is money more important then your heart that you joined love and hearts but don't touch my money. You are the selfish one with the problem. He is goiing through hard times and it sounds like all you care about is your money and what am I going to do. You are a selfish self centered B*** and he does not deserve you
Just move on. We all make bad choices in life, but that doesn't mean we have to live with them. ';but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road.'; ... better to face the mistake you are currently living with than to worry about one that may or may not occur later on in life.
If you are always focusing on finances, he has no choice but to be secretive.
Most of what is mentioned here is finances.
I could see moving on for adultery, but maybe you should have married your stock broker, and not a husband.
You are the only one who can advise yourself, sit down and draw a trial balance account of your marriage, look at the pros and cons, then make a decision.
If he isn't even trying to better the situation the marriage is doomed anyway so I would bounce if he shows the interest in making it work.
ALL THOSE ANSWERS ARE GREAT NOW REALLY WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WANT..
MAYBE COUNSELING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU
girl kick his *** to the curve.hes a free loader. as long as u continue to support his dead butt hes ganna walk over ya stand up for ur self now b4 its too late
I'm not sure why you plan to move on. It sounds like nothing has changed except that your husband had a business setback and now has been out of work. Do you think he plans to stay out of work? Is he looking for work? Because if he is, things like this happen in life. If he isn't, there's marriage counseling or just insisting. But someone losing a job isn't grounds for divorce, in my opinion. As for borrowing money from you - that makes no sense, sorry. You're married. Your assets are shared. That can hurt when one person doesn't manage money well, e.g. my ex, but still.
Edit: With the additional details you added, I agree with the person below - sounds like you married a sociopath or something like it, and, sadly, only figured it out after marriage. Which makes breaking up harder. I think the first thing to do is to find a clinical psychologist and get some counseling about it, or to simply consult a divorce attorney if you're sure that's what you want to do. I don't think it would hurt to give marriage counseling a shot for a couple of months, since it sounds like some of these problems could be solved if he SERIOUSLY worked on changing.
I almost didnt answer, but I think I should.
Hear me with care if you would....I dont mean this disrespectfully. How do you ';loan'; a spouse money? Once your married, its yours together, I thought? The mine and yours philosophy rarely works in marriage and that thought is a bit dangerous I think to the harmony of an intimate couple. Especially when it comes to money.
NOW, to your credit, you should tell him that you cant live like this and that things need to change. But remember, ';for better or worse'; doesnt mean ';until I get stressed out';. It means once a team, the team sticks it together.
I wouldnt want a spouse bailing on me when times got rough. Neither would you. BE HONEST with him. TELL him what you need. GIVE him the opportunity to show you.
Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) & undergoing pregnancy?
My sister was Credit Analyst(+2 yr experience) with a Bank,India but due to marriage she was suppose to leave her said job and join her husband in Scotland. Now she has delivered a Son within her 1 year of marriage (Her Son is 6 months old) and want to pursue her career.
Please advice:
How to make-up/justify her career gap of 1.6yr(approx.) in the Resume?
What should be her approach to get a Finance job in Scotland especially in this recession time?Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
First of all getting married and relocating and having a baby is a great excuse for a career gap. I have done that minus the baby.. If she can she can try temporary employment agencies like www.reed.co.uk i love them. They are everywhere and they can at least get her something that would perhaps lead her to full time work. They do full time placement as well. I know it's stressful .. Bless and good luck!Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
With a gap that long, and a change in country, there is no way to disguise the gap. No way to disguise the fact that she has no experience in Scotland, either. If she wants to be a credit analyst, she's going to have to prove she knows the generally accepted accounting principles and standards used in Scotland/UK, and can analyze the financials.
She will have to own up to the fact that she has immigrated to a foreign country and had a baby. No way around it, even though it opens up a can of worms about her lack of local experience, lack of UK training, child care issues.
Please advice:
How to make-up/justify her career gap of 1.6yr(approx.) in the Resume?
What should be her approach to get a Finance job in Scotland especially in this recession time?Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
First of all getting married and relocating and having a baby is a great excuse for a career gap. I have done that minus the baby.. If she can she can try temporary employment agencies like www.reed.co.uk i love them. They are everywhere and they can at least get her something that would perhaps lead her to full time work. They do full time placement as well. I know it's stressful .. Bless and good luck!Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
With a gap that long, and a change in country, there is no way to disguise the gap. No way to disguise the fact that she has no experience in Scotland, either. If she wants to be a credit analyst, she's going to have to prove she knows the generally accepted accounting principles and standards used in Scotland/UK, and can analyze the financials.
She will have to own up to the fact that she has immigrated to a foreign country and had a baby. No way around it, even though it opens up a can of worms about her lack of local experience, lack of UK training, child care issues.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
My fiancee and I am are looking at getting married February because of several facts and we love each other so much. But my family thinks I am WAY too young and her and I would not financially succeed. Here are the facts:
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments. Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
CONGRATS! My husband is in the Army, he is 20 and he is LDS or was I guess, so I know what you feel.
I think that most people aren't financially stabled when they first get married. THAT is how you both learn to value each other... Seeing that you both are putting their all to prosper makes a big difference than coming into a marriage with your ';own'; money and all.
Age is not a factor, finance can be but if you two are ready to make it work you will make it!
I really hope you do what you two really wish to do. I promise you'll be OK!
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
I would live together before getting married. Give it a years time. I know this from experience. Once you move in together everything changes..
Tough one. I got married at 19 thinking we had it all planned out and were going to be together forever. After 19 years we split up because we grew apart. Looking back I wish we had waited a few years. I don't regret the marriage because it gave me four great kids. I do however wished we had waited a few years to get to know each other way better then we did. You didn't say how long you have been together. Its hard when you are young and feel like you can take the world by the reins. I do agree with the others. It sounds like you are very mature and have thought this through. My ex was 20 going on 21 and I was 19 when we got married. I would wait another year or two. But that is me. Blessings and best of luck what ever you decide.
Is she ready for deployments and time away from you and TDY's??? so the distance is killing you guys, just wait until you get deployed and she is pregnant with a child or you can;t come hoem for christmas because you are on a deployment, I don;t think she knows what she is in for, as an ex-military soldier who had to spend an entire years tour away form family and then a tiur in kuwiat during the war, its no picknick, and I am the Mom, my husband was also military and he was not happy being the single parent, believe me, I got out and then I stayed home while he went thru 4 deployments.
Just because Obama promices to pull out of Iraq doesn;t mean we will presidents promice thigns all the time and then never do it.
Do you guys know how you are with money, and kids, you oviously know how you are in fights.
My son is currently away form his love. she is 18 and he is 20 and he is in the airforce. The distance prepares you for deployments because you gotta know you will be deployed, its the nature of the beast.
But I think if you live close to each other you will be risking having sex before marriage...thats just my opinion. Bepfre you can get her to the temple. I would go thru marriage counseling before you get married , if she can;t handel the distance now, what makes you think she can handel the distance when you get deployed for 9 to 17 months at a time???
Sounds like you two are very responsible. I admire your reasoning and the fact that you are searching for the best for you both. Is there anyway she can move closer to you without actually moving in together? I think its important to be around someone on a continuous basis before getting married....but if not, then go ahead and get married. It doesnt sound like anything is going to stop you anyway. I personally think you are too young just cuz I got married young. but, hey, life is for living so do what makes you happy!
Dude...drop all the religious beleifs right now...they only get you intro trouble.....like getting married for example and not having sex and all that jazz.
You're young and you are going to be an officer in the army. You want to be able to get out there and have fun alongside your troops no?
What are you gonna do when all the guy's you're in charge of come back with wild stories....and all you have is the boring married life?
Think about it.
Too much resposiblity too soon.
You sound like you both have thought this through and are being very responsible.
I don't think you are making a mistake and I do believe you have a great chance at having a wonderful life together.
It sounds like two people in love that want to be together and are doing what they need to do to make it happen.
The only suggestion I would make if I was your mom is not to have children right away. Other then that I would wish you both happiness and hope that you would invite me to the wedding.
You are not making a mistake. You are going to be fine. Congratulations. May you have many years together and all the love your hearts can hold.
I think you can make it. I have been in the military for a few years and have seen many young couple make it.
The only thing to be wary of, she may not understand why you have to be away from her so much, to study and do ROTC stuff. My ex was in ROTC and he barely had time for ROTC, he hated it cause they made him do so much crap.
The majority of guys I have dated while going to school did not like the fact I could not spend all my time with them.
Also, the number one problem I have seen in the military is spouses being mad about things that their spoouse needs to do. Such as training periods and going away, that sort of thing.
An ROTC scholarship is not worth messing up becuase your GF is complaining. Trust me, spouses take up more time than you think.
That is the only reason I would hold off. I would say wait a couple more years, cause opportunity's do not always come back. You think you have an infinite supply when you are young, but you don't. Don't blow this scholarship, love can wait 2 years.
You seem like you have your head on straight, love her and have plans set up to keep yourself financially stable. You actually sound more mature than a lot of people ten years older than you. While it is true that more marriages fail when the couple married young, I think there are exceptions to every rule. If it feels right, go for it, since living together is out of the question for you.
Best of luck to you both.
Seems to me like you have a great head on your shoulders. There are several people out there that are having babies at 16 and getting married is not even in their vocabulary. You keep doing what you are doing. The army is great but you really have to stay in long term to reap the full benefits. Make sure that you discuss this with your future wife. Sometimes, things change once she comes out and you all start living together. The fact that you all have not been physical to this point, says a lot about the both of you. Getting married at 21 is young but you should not be frowned upon if this is something that you are sure that you want to do. Your family should support you no matter what your decision is.
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments. Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
CONGRATS! My husband is in the Army, he is 20 and he is LDS or was I guess, so I know what you feel.
I think that most people aren't financially stabled when they first get married. THAT is how you both learn to value each other... Seeing that you both are putting their all to prosper makes a big difference than coming into a marriage with your ';own'; money and all.
Age is not a factor, finance can be but if you two are ready to make it work you will make it!
I really hope you do what you two really wish to do. I promise you'll be OK!
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
I would live together before getting married. Give it a years time. I know this from experience. Once you move in together everything changes..
Tough one. I got married at 19 thinking we had it all planned out and were going to be together forever. After 19 years we split up because we grew apart. Looking back I wish we had waited a few years. I don't regret the marriage because it gave me four great kids. I do however wished we had waited a few years to get to know each other way better then we did. You didn't say how long you have been together. Its hard when you are young and feel like you can take the world by the reins. I do agree with the others. It sounds like you are very mature and have thought this through. My ex was 20 going on 21 and I was 19 when we got married. I would wait another year or two. But that is me. Blessings and best of luck what ever you decide.
Is she ready for deployments and time away from you and TDY's??? so the distance is killing you guys, just wait until you get deployed and she is pregnant with a child or you can;t come hoem for christmas because you are on a deployment, I don;t think she knows what she is in for, as an ex-military soldier who had to spend an entire years tour away form family and then a tiur in kuwiat during the war, its no picknick, and I am the Mom, my husband was also military and he was not happy being the single parent, believe me, I got out and then I stayed home while he went thru 4 deployments.
Just because Obama promices to pull out of Iraq doesn;t mean we will presidents promice thigns all the time and then never do it.
Do you guys know how you are with money, and kids, you oviously know how you are in fights.
My son is currently away form his love. she is 18 and he is 20 and he is in the airforce. The distance prepares you for deployments because you gotta know you will be deployed, its the nature of the beast.
But I think if you live close to each other you will be risking having sex before marriage...thats just my opinion. Bepfre you can get her to the temple. I would go thru marriage counseling before you get married , if she can;t handel the distance now, what makes you think she can handel the distance when you get deployed for 9 to 17 months at a time???
Sounds like you two are very responsible. I admire your reasoning and the fact that you are searching for the best for you both. Is there anyway she can move closer to you without actually moving in together? I think its important to be around someone on a continuous basis before getting married....but if not, then go ahead and get married. It doesnt sound like anything is going to stop you anyway. I personally think you are too young just cuz I got married young. but, hey, life is for living so do what makes you happy!
Dude...drop all the religious beleifs right now...they only get you intro trouble.....like getting married for example and not having sex and all that jazz.
You're young and you are going to be an officer in the army. You want to be able to get out there and have fun alongside your troops no?
What are you gonna do when all the guy's you're in charge of come back with wild stories....and all you have is the boring married life?
Think about it.
Too much resposiblity too soon.
You sound like you both have thought this through and are being very responsible.
I don't think you are making a mistake and I do believe you have a great chance at having a wonderful life together.
It sounds like two people in love that want to be together and are doing what they need to do to make it happen.
The only suggestion I would make if I was your mom is not to have children right away. Other then that I would wish you both happiness and hope that you would invite me to the wedding.
You are not making a mistake. You are going to be fine. Congratulations. May you have many years together and all the love your hearts can hold.
I think you can make it. I have been in the military for a few years and have seen many young couple make it.
The only thing to be wary of, she may not understand why you have to be away from her so much, to study and do ROTC stuff. My ex was in ROTC and he barely had time for ROTC, he hated it cause they made him do so much crap.
The majority of guys I have dated while going to school did not like the fact I could not spend all my time with them.
Also, the number one problem I have seen in the military is spouses being mad about things that their spoouse needs to do. Such as training periods and going away, that sort of thing.
An ROTC scholarship is not worth messing up becuase your GF is complaining. Trust me, spouses take up more time than you think.
That is the only reason I would hold off. I would say wait a couple more years, cause opportunity's do not always come back. You think you have an infinite supply when you are young, but you don't. Don't blow this scholarship, love can wait 2 years.
You seem like you have your head on straight, love her and have plans set up to keep yourself financially stable. You actually sound more mature than a lot of people ten years older than you. While it is true that more marriages fail when the couple married young, I think there are exceptions to every rule. If it feels right, go for it, since living together is out of the question for you.
Best of luck to you both.
Seems to me like you have a great head on your shoulders. There are several people out there that are having babies at 16 and getting married is not even in their vocabulary. You keep doing what you are doing. The army is great but you really have to stay in long term to reap the full benefits. Make sure that you discuss this with your future wife. Sometimes, things change once she comes out and you all start living together. The fact that you all have not been physical to this point, says a lot about the both of you. Getting married at 21 is young but you should not be frowned upon if this is something that you are sure that you want to do. Your family should support you no matter what your decision is.
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