If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?

Do you get all the dirty details of affair to help move on? Do you ignore and move forward as if it didn't happen? Do you share all pain you are feeling with spouse or partner or keep it inside in order to not relive it over and over again?If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.


A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.





The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.


Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.


It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.


Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.


The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.


The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.





One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.





There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.


It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.


It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.





There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.


Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.





This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.





I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.





If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.





If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.





Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.





So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.