I don't know what to say. I love him. I know he loves me. But why in the world people do that?When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Because statistically you will get divorced and maybe he has some heirlooms he wants to keep in the family.When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Do you have insurance on your automobile? It's the same thing.
prenups make sense, I don't know why anybody would get married without one. He loves you, he's just being smart. I mean, nobody gets married thinking they will divorce, but, statistically, about half of people do anyways. This is a painless way to save a lot of loss and heartache down the line if you fall into the unfortunate half. Don't think of it as him doubting you, think of it as a meaningless exercise that won't matter or affect you in any way, if your relationship is as solid as you believe it to be.
Because you should protect your assets and your future assets. I made my husband sign one. It made us be practical and determine each other's financial state as well as habits.
Get your own attorney for this.
If he is rich he needs to protect his assets, just sign it and forget it.
I have been married for almost 20 years and neither one of us ever signed a prenup.
I find them to be totally useless.
What is mine is his and vice versus. That was the plan on being married for life. I do not plan on leaving him nor him me.
I think they are only for people who have doubts in their marriage
my opinion
A PRENUP IS THERE TO SET U UP FOR NOTHING PERIOD IF YOU GET DIVORCED THERE GOES EVERYTHING BECAUSE U SIGNED IT OVER TO HIM DO NOT DO THAT U R STUPID IF U DO THATS HIS WAY OF FINALIZING THE DIVORCE SHOULD IT HAPPEN THAT WAY U GET NOTHING IN THE END SO U ARE SCREWING URSELF IF U GIVE EVERYTHING TO HIM U HAVE NOTHING GET IT????????????????
Why would you NOT want to sign one. Face it, in this world a lot of marriages fail, and if yours does, a prenup will protect your assets and keep him from taking you to the cleaners.
In this day and age marriage does not set your relationship in stone. It should, but it doesn't. All too often, one or the other loses track of why they married in the first place. A lot of people protect themselves from this dilemma with a prenuptial agreement. Personally, whatever is mine is hers and whatever is hers is hers. I think that's they way it goes! There is nothing that can be taken from me materialistically that I cannot replace. My heart will mend.
Is your boyfriend wealthy?
A wealthy person may want a Prenup to protect his wealth from a gold digger.
If he is not wealthy, then ask why he wants the prenup.
The conditions may be enough that you can agree to them, if not then don't sign.
Make sure the conditions are fair for you too.
Maybe you should have him sign a prenup too.
to protect their assets they have in the start of a marriage.
My fiance, and are signing one. Now a days it's the smart thing to do. $hit happens, and I know I want to feel secure knowing things will be split equally without any bitching. Whats mine is mine, and whats his is his. It's seems fair enough to me.
Because that protects all his assets and everything he worked hard to get before meeting you. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like someone else to be entitled to what you worked so hard to achieve? And be realistic,...marriages dont work out now adays so he is just protecting what is his incase **** hits the fan. If you love really do love him why would you object to it?
I would sign it. I also would put a time limit on it. Voided after 8 years. Go ahead this is your time to put a few things in there yourself. Like if he cheats, you get 75% of everything he owns! lol This is the perfect time to stand up and have a great money argument before you are married! lol Get a backbone though and don't accept anything you don't want. He might be going into this with more money however, your heart is worth alot too. So if he wants to marry you and you are taking a risk with your heart. Think about how much money it would take your heart to feel better after a drawn out bitter divorce where he leaves you for a 21 year old that looks like Miss America. lol It would be alot of money if he wants me. I think it is a bit presumputious to be honest, what if you go and make a killing in your life, or win the lotto. You are a catch and if he wants a prenup use your brain at this moment not your heart he sure is...
It is so sad that people these days have to be already thinking of divorce before even getting married. He is one of those guys and there is little you can do about it. Even if you could talk him out of it he will always feel nervous and uncomfortable about it.
I don't know - I suppose some people just feel better about it. You can't blame them in a way with all the divorces out there.. Here is what I would suggest - make an appointment with an attorney and go there with your boyfriend and discuss w/ the attorney what assets are there and what needs protection, etc... A lot of times people realize after such a meeting that a pre-nup may not be that important or even worth it -or they may realize they realy want it - Either way it will impress him that you are taking him serious - that you would still want to marry him and you guys can make that decision together...?!
It starts the marriage out with YOUR and MINE. The path of life is too narrow not to walk as one. This is your first clue of his selfishness.
Because they are intelligent. We would all like to think that marriage will last forever but the reality is that very few do. Just make sure that you have a lawyer look over for your interests as well, don't just sign whatever he gives you. Also, you shouldn't be offended at all, he most likely loves you as much as you do him, he's just being careful. If nothing else, do it to make him feel better.
You don't just ';sign'; a prenuptial agreement. You first hire an attorney who advises you before you sign it. But, people have other people sign agreements to protect their assets in the event of divorce. My guess, is your boyfriend doesn't have any assets to protect---he's just being an ***.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
Here is the thing ever since I was younger I have always cared about how I look but no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly,fat and nobody would ever want me. i am now grown married and have kids and have nothing to do with her. But my problem is that I dont know how to control my feelings on my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him. I am not a model I had kids but I dress nice and how I important to me. I am healthy nice looking but he makes me feel ugly and not good enough. We will be doing fine then all of a sudden he ruins it by making remarks about another womans body etc. I dont want to know his thoughts. It really hurts when the man you love makes you feel bad about yourself I cry alot and my daughter sees it and she cries. i cant help it. All my life I have felt like I am not good enough my momNeed some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
baby you're good. Anybody w/ beautiful green eyes ought to be loved by her man. Tell him how it hurts you. Tell him his words feel like stab wounds and he is ruining his marriage. It's not you. It's him. He's not treating you right. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make love to him if he treats you this way. It's very rude for a man to comment about other women to his wife. You are good enough. Moms are all good enough. They do so much. You have alot to be proud of. Don't let his insenstivity get you down. You'vd had his children. That should make you extremely hot in his eyes.
You need to tell him you two need to talk to someone b/f it's too late. Both of you together. Bring up the verbal abuse to the counsellor so it can be dealt with.Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
So basically your husband has taken on the role of your mother in regards to your self-esteem, putting you down, etc.
::my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him.
His behavior is inappropriate. He's being disrespectful to you and to the women he's gawking at.
If he won't go to cousneling with you, go on your own for a boost to you self-esteem. My guess is when you feel good about yourself either 1) you'll kick him to the curb or 2) he's then what he has in you, because you will glow.
Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langauges, Gary Chapman
Relatioship Rescue, Dr Phil
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
My best to you.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Sometimes those whom you love the most hurt you the most. The important thing is - how do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Don't let the other person ruins your life.
A professional counselor is needed if you want to keep this marriage. You both need to do this ASAP if you love each other. Hug.
If he were any kind of man, he would never say such things. Have you talked to him abou this? Does he know how he makes you feel?
If you have, and he does, what are his responses?
I think you husband is being nothing but disrespectful of you and also your kids. If your kids se that it is alright to disrespect another person, how are they going to act when they grow up?
You need to put a foot down and speak your mind. If he cannot abide by a simple rule of not disrespecting you, then I think you may have a deeper problem here.
Good luck
You realize, don't you, that you married your mother? You picked a man who treated you exactly the way she did.
Your mom: no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly, fat and nobody would ever want me.
Your husband: he is constantly criticizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is.
You need some therapy- you're just repeating the same old patterns and your daughter will ultimately suffer.
He married you did'nt he so therefore something attracted him to you and now there are kids. What he is doing is belittling you and that is wrong. Don't hide your feeling and tell him that you love him and his flirting with obscene remarks have to stop and show you some appreciation or else you will leave him. Being the wife you deserve respect. Tell him that you respect him being your king and you are the queen but lots of layman out there would love to have his queen. Go out to a candlelight dinner and discuss the situation and make everyone happy in the home. Put love back in action.
Violet has got it right, you did marry your mother and you do need therapy. You are going to destroy your own children's lives if you don't seek help for your problem. You will continue to pick bad relationships until you get over your issues. Seek help now.
We are all beautifully when we smile! Put an end to this, he is stripping you from your dignity, your pride and your self-identity as a woman. Soon he may be starting the cycle with your daughter. Don`t try to understand why he does that, you will not cure him from it anyway. If you want to raise a young lady full of confidence in herself you`re not in the right home.
you know what? you do not need him! there is absolutly no reason why YOUR HUSBAND puts you down like that. of all people you hold close to your heart. let me tell you something, you dont need to change a thing about yourself, as long as you're comfortable being you and your kids love you, that's all that matters. if i were you, if your husband wants to look at other women and flirt with them, let him. tell him, if that's what he wants, go get it, but once that doesnt work out for him, there's no coming back. you dont deserve this ungreatful treatment he's been giving you.
tell you what. here's a little bit of advise. you say you have a bit of a belly. why dont you try working on loosing that, treat yourself out to get your hair and nails done, go buy yourself a new outfit (shoes usually help me) and start feeling good about yourself. make it all about you for a change, dont be there for him and wait on him hand and foot, (b/c he expects that) then maybe after awhile he'll come to realize you are the only one for him and he should learn to appriciate you alot more than what he has. i wish you the best of luck. and just remember, you deserve better.
Tough question to answer but things are not always as they appear. With a history of insecurity there is no doubt you feel this way. Finding a way to deal with this is challenging but can be achieved. Do some reading, self help books are great and surrounding yourself with positive affirmantions is a great help also. If it helps my husband often looks at other women and does indeed comment about them, I too used to worry but now I just laugh and remind him that his is an old man and that woman would not want him anyway and he is stuck with little old me, or he might light to go and give it a go but don't come crying to me when she laughs. I know it all sounds so simple but it took me along time to get to this, and now I find myself looking and commenting on younger, lovelier men and commenting to hubby. Believe it or not this can be an advantage to married life and keep the excitment up. There is much more I could offer but would be here all day. I wish you luck. Just one more thing, love and respect you, the rest will follow.
SISTER TO SISTER, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... IT IS OKAY THAT YOUR HUSBAND LOOK @ OTHER WOMEN JUST ALONG AS HE KNOW THAT YOU IS QUEEN ***** AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT YOU COME FIRST.. THE NEXT TIME HE SAY THAT YOU SAY DAMN SHE SAID THE SAMETHING TO ME AND WALK AWAY.. (LOL) IF YOU DO THIS HIT ME BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT IT OKAY.. bugg007us@yahoo.com..
Gawking at other women is disrespectful. So is gawking at other men (in your case if you do this to your mate).
Fire a warning shot or two across his bow: ';Hey you! I'm standing right here, and I see you gawking at that woman, and I find it highly disrespectful';.
See if that helps, but... the time to have given him a chance or two to correct this was before you married him.
Based on additional info: whether or not you did anything to earn this disrespect, it can't continue. You must be prepared to leave him.
That's called emotional and psychological abuse, sweetheart, and you deserve someone who WON'T do that to you!
He isn't even worth your time!!
Get out, leave the jerk.
My fiance makes remarks about women too, and even gets a hard on watching Nip/Tuck but wont have sex with me.
I honestly don't know, maybe we both need a better significant other, but I sure don't feel like leaving mine, so maybe you're in the same boat and know the real answer to your question but don't want to accept it.
On the other hand, if you're bothered by it and he threatens to leave you if you don't just accept it, and what you want to do is save your marriage? Seems simple enough - hold in everything you ever feel and don't speak your mind. Then at least one of the people in the relationship will be happy, it just wont be you :(
See a counsellor, and get some help -- it should help you deal with your situation, and deal with the emotional abuse.
baby you're good. Anybody w/ beautiful green eyes ought to be loved by her man. Tell him how it hurts you. Tell him his words feel like stab wounds and he is ruining his marriage. It's not you. It's him. He's not treating you right. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make love to him if he treats you this way. It's very rude for a man to comment about other women to his wife. You are good enough. Moms are all good enough. They do so much. You have alot to be proud of. Don't let his insenstivity get you down. You'vd had his children. That should make you extremely hot in his eyes.
You need to tell him you two need to talk to someone b/f it's too late. Both of you together. Bring up the verbal abuse to the counsellor so it can be dealt with.Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
So basically your husband has taken on the role of your mother in regards to your self-esteem, putting you down, etc.
::my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him.
His behavior is inappropriate. He's being disrespectful to you and to the women he's gawking at.
If he won't go to cousneling with you, go on your own for a boost to you self-esteem. My guess is when you feel good about yourself either 1) you'll kick him to the curb or 2) he's then what he has in you, because you will glow.
Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langauges, Gary Chapman
Relatioship Rescue, Dr Phil
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
My best to you.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Sometimes those whom you love the most hurt you the most. The important thing is - how do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Don't let the other person ruins your life.
A professional counselor is needed if you want to keep this marriage. You both need to do this ASAP if you love each other. Hug.
If he were any kind of man, he would never say such things. Have you talked to him abou this? Does he know how he makes you feel?
If you have, and he does, what are his responses?
I think you husband is being nothing but disrespectful of you and also your kids. If your kids se that it is alright to disrespect another person, how are they going to act when they grow up?
You need to put a foot down and speak your mind. If he cannot abide by a simple rule of not disrespecting you, then I think you may have a deeper problem here.
Good luck
You realize, don't you, that you married your mother? You picked a man who treated you exactly the way she did.
Your mom: no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly, fat and nobody would ever want me.
Your husband: he is constantly criticizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is.
You need some therapy- you're just repeating the same old patterns and your daughter will ultimately suffer.
He married you did'nt he so therefore something attracted him to you and now there are kids. What he is doing is belittling you and that is wrong. Don't hide your feeling and tell him that you love him and his flirting with obscene remarks have to stop and show you some appreciation or else you will leave him. Being the wife you deserve respect. Tell him that you respect him being your king and you are the queen but lots of layman out there would love to have his queen. Go out to a candlelight dinner and discuss the situation and make everyone happy in the home. Put love back in action.
Violet has got it right, you did marry your mother and you do need therapy. You are going to destroy your own children's lives if you don't seek help for your problem. You will continue to pick bad relationships until you get over your issues. Seek help now.
We are all beautifully when we smile! Put an end to this, he is stripping you from your dignity, your pride and your self-identity as a woman. Soon he may be starting the cycle with your daughter. Don`t try to understand why he does that, you will not cure him from it anyway. If you want to raise a young lady full of confidence in herself you`re not in the right home.
you know what? you do not need him! there is absolutly no reason why YOUR HUSBAND puts you down like that. of all people you hold close to your heart. let me tell you something, you dont need to change a thing about yourself, as long as you're comfortable being you and your kids love you, that's all that matters. if i were you, if your husband wants to look at other women and flirt with them, let him. tell him, if that's what he wants, go get it, but once that doesnt work out for him, there's no coming back. you dont deserve this ungreatful treatment he's been giving you.
tell you what. here's a little bit of advise. you say you have a bit of a belly. why dont you try working on loosing that, treat yourself out to get your hair and nails done, go buy yourself a new outfit (shoes usually help me) and start feeling good about yourself. make it all about you for a change, dont be there for him and wait on him hand and foot, (b/c he expects that) then maybe after awhile he'll come to realize you are the only one for him and he should learn to appriciate you alot more than what he has. i wish you the best of luck. and just remember, you deserve better.
Tough question to answer but things are not always as they appear. With a history of insecurity there is no doubt you feel this way. Finding a way to deal with this is challenging but can be achieved. Do some reading, self help books are great and surrounding yourself with positive affirmantions is a great help also. If it helps my husband often looks at other women and does indeed comment about them, I too used to worry but now I just laugh and remind him that his is an old man and that woman would not want him anyway and he is stuck with little old me, or he might light to go and give it a go but don't come crying to me when she laughs. I know it all sounds so simple but it took me along time to get to this, and now I find myself looking and commenting on younger, lovelier men and commenting to hubby. Believe it or not this can be an advantage to married life and keep the excitment up. There is much more I could offer but would be here all day. I wish you luck. Just one more thing, love and respect you, the rest will follow.
SISTER TO SISTER, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... IT IS OKAY THAT YOUR HUSBAND LOOK @ OTHER WOMEN JUST ALONG AS HE KNOW THAT YOU IS QUEEN ***** AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT YOU COME FIRST.. THE NEXT TIME HE SAY THAT YOU SAY DAMN SHE SAID THE SAMETHING TO ME AND WALK AWAY.. (LOL) IF YOU DO THIS HIT ME BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT IT OKAY.. bugg007us@yahoo.com..
Gawking at other women is disrespectful. So is gawking at other men (in your case if you do this to your mate).
Fire a warning shot or two across his bow: ';Hey you! I'm standing right here, and I see you gawking at that woman, and I find it highly disrespectful';.
See if that helps, but... the time to have given him a chance or two to correct this was before you married him.
Based on additional info: whether or not you did anything to earn this disrespect, it can't continue. You must be prepared to leave him.
That's called emotional and psychological abuse, sweetheart, and you deserve someone who WON'T do that to you!
He isn't even worth your time!!
Get out, leave the jerk.
My fiance makes remarks about women too, and even gets a hard on watching Nip/Tuck but wont have sex with me.
I honestly don't know, maybe we both need a better significant other, but I sure don't feel like leaving mine, so maybe you're in the same boat and know the real answer to your question but don't want to accept it.
On the other hand, if you're bothered by it and he threatens to leave you if you don't just accept it, and what you want to do is save your marriage? Seems simple enough - hold in everything you ever feel and don't speak your mind. Then at least one of the people in the relationship will be happy, it just wont be you :(
See a counsellor, and get some help -- it should help you deal with your situation, and deal with the emotional abuse.
I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
Me and my husband have been together for 3 years im 8 months pregnant with our first child to look at us from the outside you would think it was wonderful but behind closed doors we dont talk, touch, have sex nothing we our like brother and sister he does his thing and i do mine. We have talked about splitting up but its pretty much put aside everytime. Ive told him im not happy but i dont think he hears me. How can we put the spark and want to back in our marriage like we used to have. Im ready to give up what should i do because talking and trying to convince him isnt working?I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
Arrange for marriage counselling.I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
you need to go for counseling. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation, or one involving infidelity, so I think you need to take divorce of your list of options. You and him took VOWS in front of GOD!! and now you have a baby on the way! Get your heads back in the game. Go to counseling and find your way back to each other. ';i'm just not happy'; is not a good enough reason to get divorced.
Marriage counseling hun.
That would help both of you.
Please don't give up!!! You and him made a commitement to each other and very soon you will be bringing a baby into this world together. What were the things you two did when you first met? Go to a counselor and/or pastor and maybe they can help. This weekend do something special together. This is technically your first Mother's Day so celebrate that together in a special way. Marriages go through ups and downs and you got to work at a marriage. Remember the for better or worse part saying? Once you see that sweet baby's face that was created and only could of been created by you and him; your marriage should get better. Just remember to give him attention still and not totally ignore him when the baby comes. So, put some makeup on, fix your hair, wear a nice outfit and celebrate this weekend with your husband. Have a Happy Mother's Day, Congratulations on your baby, and Good luck with your future.
According to your letter, he is not being abusive or mean. Therefore, given that you are 8 months pregnant, I would stick it out until at least 6 weeks after the birth of your child. The reason is that, having just had a baby in the past few years, I can tell you that your hormones are probably crazy right now. Also, even if you guys are only great friends right now, he still deserves to be there for the first few weeks of the baby's life until you guys can decide what to do. If you do decide to call it quits later, try to maintain a friendship for the sake of the child. Hope my advice helped. Good Luck!!!
if u want to leave then do so and that will wake him up
Leave!
I am so sorry sweetie.
I would recommend marriage counseling before throwing in the towel
Did you both agree what married life would be like? Why doesn't he see what's going on? Why is he happy with the way things are going? Talk about the ';us'; of the marriage and not about the ';I wants'; and see how you can work that out.
You made a commitment when you were married - for better or worse. So you're going through some worse. All marriages have them and they need to be worked out. It's too easy to give up on someone and go to the next and the next hoping to find happiness without having to work at it.
Try marriage counseling if you can't figure it out yourselves. Don't give up, choose to honor your commitment to each other and work at it.
Having a baby for the first time can put strain on any relationship.
There will be financial obligations you didn't have before, ideas on how to raise the child, and it puts a strain on your social life.
Some men don't want to have sex when the pregnancy is further along because they think they will hurt the baby (which they won't)
Where you unhappy before you got pregnant? If not then you really need to talk about your fears, concerns about having this baby and what you both expect.
If you were both unhappy before then you need to dive in deeper. Figure out what it would take to make you happy and see if it's something you can incorporate into your marriage.
wait until the baby is born then see if things change
Happiness is an inside job....dont give it away to other ppl, not your husband, your kids your family. Only you can decide to be happy right where you are. Love on the other hand is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. So you just need to determine if you are both willing. One no cancels the whole deal...but as long as they are both yeses, then there is a way. God is at the top, overseeing the both of you.....if you are looking to your husband for all the answers then he may just have too much pressure or strain....he shouldnt have to carry your happiness..... last thought---you are pregnant and your hormones are nuts.....check with your doc to make sure this isnt hormonal or depression of some sort....if your body gets worn down because you need vitamins, iron or other supplements you will feel like everything is out of wack... all the best.
I'm lost here...........what are you trying to convince him of?
It could be that with a baby on the way, it causes stress and other issues.
The spark may come back once the baby is born, well not once, cause your going to be very tired and feel tied down.
I'd hate being or feeling I was married to my brother.
Unless both of you are going to try to make it work it is pointless. Both of you need to want it to work and be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Maybe things will change after the baby is born.
Arrange for marriage counselling.I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
you need to go for counseling. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation, or one involving infidelity, so I think you need to take divorce of your list of options. You and him took VOWS in front of GOD!! and now you have a baby on the way! Get your heads back in the game. Go to counseling and find your way back to each other. ';i'm just not happy'; is not a good enough reason to get divorced.
Marriage counseling hun.
That would help both of you.
Please don't give up!!! You and him made a commitement to each other and very soon you will be bringing a baby into this world together. What were the things you two did when you first met? Go to a counselor and/or pastor and maybe they can help. This weekend do something special together. This is technically your first Mother's Day so celebrate that together in a special way. Marriages go through ups and downs and you got to work at a marriage. Remember the for better or worse part saying? Once you see that sweet baby's face that was created and only could of been created by you and him; your marriage should get better. Just remember to give him attention still and not totally ignore him when the baby comes. So, put some makeup on, fix your hair, wear a nice outfit and celebrate this weekend with your husband. Have a Happy Mother's Day, Congratulations on your baby, and Good luck with your future.
According to your letter, he is not being abusive or mean. Therefore, given that you are 8 months pregnant, I would stick it out until at least 6 weeks after the birth of your child. The reason is that, having just had a baby in the past few years, I can tell you that your hormones are probably crazy right now. Also, even if you guys are only great friends right now, he still deserves to be there for the first few weeks of the baby's life until you guys can decide what to do. If you do decide to call it quits later, try to maintain a friendship for the sake of the child. Hope my advice helped. Good Luck!!!
if u want to leave then do so and that will wake him up
Leave!
I am so sorry sweetie.
I would recommend marriage counseling before throwing in the towel
Did you both agree what married life would be like? Why doesn't he see what's going on? Why is he happy with the way things are going? Talk about the ';us'; of the marriage and not about the ';I wants'; and see how you can work that out.
You made a commitment when you were married - for better or worse. So you're going through some worse. All marriages have them and they need to be worked out. It's too easy to give up on someone and go to the next and the next hoping to find happiness without having to work at it.
Try marriage counseling if you can't figure it out yourselves. Don't give up, choose to honor your commitment to each other and work at it.
Having a baby for the first time can put strain on any relationship.
There will be financial obligations you didn't have before, ideas on how to raise the child, and it puts a strain on your social life.
Some men don't want to have sex when the pregnancy is further along because they think they will hurt the baby (which they won't)
Where you unhappy before you got pregnant? If not then you really need to talk about your fears, concerns about having this baby and what you both expect.
If you were both unhappy before then you need to dive in deeper. Figure out what it would take to make you happy and see if it's something you can incorporate into your marriage.
wait until the baby is born then see if things change
Happiness is an inside job....dont give it away to other ppl, not your husband, your kids your family. Only you can decide to be happy right where you are. Love on the other hand is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. So you just need to determine if you are both willing. One no cancels the whole deal...but as long as they are both yeses, then there is a way. God is at the top, overseeing the both of you.....if you are looking to your husband for all the answers then he may just have too much pressure or strain....he shouldnt have to carry your happiness..... last thought---you are pregnant and your hormones are nuts.....check with your doc to make sure this isnt hormonal or depression of some sort....if your body gets worn down because you need vitamins, iron or other supplements you will feel like everything is out of wack... all the best.
I'm lost here...........what are you trying to convince him of?
It could be that with a baby on the way, it causes stress and other issues.
The spark may come back once the baby is born, well not once, cause your going to be very tired and feel tied down.
I'd hate being or feeling I was married to my brother.
Unless both of you are going to try to make it work it is pointless. Both of you need to want it to work and be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Maybe things will change after the baby is born.
If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
Do you get all the dirty details of affair to help move on? Do you ignore and move forward as if it didn't happen? Do you share all pain you are feeling with spouse or partner or keep it inside in order to not relive it over and over again?If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.
A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.
The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.
Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.
It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.
The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.
The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.
One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.
There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.
It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.
It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.
There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.
Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.
This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.
I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.
If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.
If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.
Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.
So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.
A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.
The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.
Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.
It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.
The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.
The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.
One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.
There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.
It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.
It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.
There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.
Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.
This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.
I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.
If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.
If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.
Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.
So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.
Advice on foreign student marriages & becoming a permanent resident?
I am engaged to a foreign student (who is here in the US legally on a student visa) and I was wondering what procedures we need to go through in order for him to become a permanent resident. Since he is already here legally, do I still have to ';petition for immigration';? [Fill out the I-130]
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.
Everybody Loves Raymond, Marie Barone's Advice on Marriage?
Does anybody have the transcript of the speech/advice that Marie Barone gives to Debra,Ray,Robert and Amy about marriage after Amy and Robert try to give their own advice on the subject having only been married for three months? The Episode (#0304 Season 8) is called ';Misery Loves Company';Everybody Loves Raymond, Marie Barone's Advice on Marriage?
Can't remembe what Marie said, but Amy gave them a copy of the book ';Marriage Is An Amusement Park';. That's what started it.
I'm sure she gave them some ';wisdom advice';. lol lol Good question. Keep watching re-runs, it's bound to be on again.
Can't remembe what Marie said, but Amy gave them a copy of the book ';Marriage Is An Amusement Park';. That's what started it.
I'm sure she gave them some ';wisdom advice';. lol lol Good question. Keep watching re-runs, it's bound to be on again.
My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I am married with two girls. I was living in Jamaica for 33 years. I was married for 10yrs and I finally came to live in New York with my husband. But while I was in Jamaica, my husband was sleeping with another Jamaican woman. He has a son with this woman. My eldest daughter joined Facebook and she add my husband son mother as a friend. My daughter showed me the lady on Facebook. The lady posted my husband last name as hers. She adds photos of her in my husband house. My husband is still with her on the low. I told him, how I felt and he started to get mad about divorcing me. What can I do, should I turn to God or should I leave him? What about my daughter, should I tell her to remove the lady as a friend? Help me, I am dying inside. I need bible scriptures to help me.My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31
i think that if you still love him very much try to work things out but if not leave him! there is no sin in divorce as longs as its for adultry!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I have a rule for myself -
If my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is willing to come back to me, by all means, and I will definitely forgive her.
But if my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is unwilling to come back tome, then there's no point continuing the relationship/marriage.
And you could ask your daughter to remove her as a friend, if the photo of that slut offends you.
Go see a divorce lawyer. You'll get your husband's money and custody of your daughters.
Edit:
The lawyer will a percentage of your divorce settlement at the end.
.
You need a good marriage counselor, not YA. Get help.
The last thing you need is bible scripture. You want something to help or disquise the situation? You have two options. You can kick your husband to the curb or you can have a open marriage. Your children will see their half siblings as having done no wrong and the mother as succombing to your husbands advances. If you think you are good looking enough to get another man do it. If it's about money do what will keep you off broke. Your children will not love a broke person. You made the original mistake of not living with your husband from the beginning. You should have known he would get some on the side if you were not there. Accept your own fault.
It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31
i think that if you still love him very much try to work things out but if not leave him! there is no sin in divorce as longs as its for adultry!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I have a rule for myself -
If my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is willing to come back to me, by all means, and I will definitely forgive her.
But if my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is unwilling to come back tome, then there's no point continuing the relationship/marriage.
And you could ask your daughter to remove her as a friend, if the photo of that slut offends you.
Go see a divorce lawyer. You'll get your husband's money and custody of your daughters.
Edit:
The lawyer will a percentage of your divorce settlement at the end.
.
You need a good marriage counselor, not YA. Get help.
The last thing you need is bible scripture. You want something to help or disquise the situation? You have two options. You can kick your husband to the curb or you can have a open marriage. Your children will see their half siblings as having done no wrong and the mother as succombing to your husbands advances. If you think you are good looking enough to get another man do it. If it's about money do what will keep you off broke. Your children will not love a broke person. You made the original mistake of not living with your husband from the beginning. You should have known he would get some on the side if you were not there. Accept your own fault.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
My fiancee and I am are looking at getting married February because of several facts and we love each other so much. But my family thinks I am WAY too young and her and I would not financially succeed. Here are the facts:
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I was a few months shy of 21 and he was exactly 6 months older when we married. We were in a long distance relationship as well. The main difference between us and you is that he already had a well paying job as a self-taught computer programmer/engineer and I owned my photography business. We'd both been on our own and supporting ourselves for the last couple years and we'd graduated high school early too, at 16.
I'm not so worried about your ages as I am about your near-breakups. Fights and arguments are normal and even good, because without them you'd know that one or both of you aren't being honest and real. But a near breakup is something else. If you haven't been together or known each other for at least several years, I'd wait on it.
The money isn't a big deal to me though. It's nice to have and it's hard to have to do without, but believe it or not, love trumps money. If you're positive that you and her are stubborn and determined enough to make this thing work, I'd go for it.Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I married my middle/high school sweetheart both of us at age 21 (we are now 23).
He is a US Marine and I can tell you from 3 years of dating. He has been to Iraq twice and stationed in Okinawa, Japan. He also lived at Camp Pendleton, CA for a few months before I moved there (I was 4 hours away in our home town). Before I moved, I would see him every weekend or every other weekend for 4 months straight.......
So I can tell you we had a lot of distance and time away from each other.
So with that said, I feel I am qualified to give this advice based out of experience.
Please.....spend more time with eachother before you get married.
You need that re-connection with her on a daily bases. Once you get married, you won't always have time together; however, you both need to go through the stages of being together. You will find more things about her, good and not so good, same thing with you to her, about eachother and need that time to learn how to solve such issues.
Another thing I want to point out is that you have this ';life style'; schedule here.
You can get in a car wreck tomorrow and that whole Army career is put on hold or won't ever happen.
That could be a possible reason why both your families are worried. Here is a picture perfected, maped out life but none has ';what if's'; in it.
So wonderful you both are working out and in love. I am not saying you are both too young. As I said, I was 21 so I wouldn't have room to talk.
We are on Ft. Sill (Army base actually) with our necks up in stress/bills because we just bought a house and fully been on our own since day one. With a pregnancy and crappy economy here......trust me, you will come into situations that was not in your ';schedule'; like mine was so ';picture perfected'; maped out just like yours.......
Our families had mix emotions too; however, I am the first ';child'; to get a degree from college while he is the first pretty much in most of his family to go into the military. So we have good heads on our shoulders. In all reality, they eventually accepted fully.
Your parents are just worried. Respect that. One day, you will be worried about your kids marrying at 19-21.
People are so quick at putting an age on marriage, and yes for the most part some do marry way to young. But some people marry for the first time in their late 20's or early 30's, and with in months throw the towel in.
For some odd reason it was ';OK'; to do so, back in the 20's/30's/40's and 50's. Some young girls were 15 when they got married, and their grooms not much older.
My daughter is 18 and has been with jake for a year now (her first b/f) and they talk all the time about moving in, having kids one day, getting married and all that good stuff.
I just laugh to myself when they do so around me, in my mind ';YES'; they are both so young. And i know they wouldn't make it, but who am i to poke my nose in if they were too.
It's one of life's lesson's, so times you have to do and take that chance.
Who are we really to say, what's good for others and what's not. Would i like to see my child fall flat on her face? ';NO'; nor do your or her parents. They all only want what's best, for your both.
But it's not their life to live, i would say do what feels right to you both.
If this is the right one, the women you feel your meant to be with. Then so be it, do what feels right.
Just make it a point to wait on hanging that first baby, and spend as much time with each other.There is not harm in waiting 2 or 3 years before starting a family.
Sounds like you both know what your looking for in life, you might be young to some. But you both have goals and know what you both need and want out of life.
I was married at 19, my husband was also 19. Yes, there is a certain level of maturity ';missing';... but we worked through it because we love eachother. We have been married for almost 9 years, were sealed in the temple 3 years ago. If you wait until you are ';financially ready'; you won't ever get married, there will always be an excuse. Money will always be an issue, even if you start out with ';enough';, unless you are a billionaire.
Do what you feel is right. You are both adults and if you are willing to comitt to eachother, then go for it. Pray about it, ask your Heavenly Father if it is right.
Age, at a certain point, doesn't really have anything to do with it. If you both feel as though you can make the marriage work, then you are ready. Marriage is hard at any age, but it is also wonderful. Just do what you BOTH feel is right.
My big question here is will she be able to continue her education? If she can't then you should wait out of respect for her having the same opportunities that you will have. If she doesn't want to, then it sounds fine, but she may regret it and it may limit her options later on. The not finishing her education part.
It sounds like you two know what you want, and you've been planning it for awhile. Your future is financially stable, and you have valid reasons for wanting to get married now. Don't let your family's feelings get in the way. It's hard when they don't approve, but this is your life, and you know what's right for you. If both of you will be happy with the wedding you've planned, don't let anyone change it by any means.
First of all what does this mean: ';We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.';
Just wanted to know that before I give any real adcive.
However, from personal experience I am 21 and my fiancee is 22 were getting married next december but when we got engaged he was 19 and i was 18- EVERYONE said that we were too young.
I think the best thing we ever did for our relationship was wait untill we got married because we did want to get married right away, but since we were young we faught a lot a lot a lot!!! and just needed to take some time on us.
Personally I think you should fly your girl out for at least a 2-3 week vacation and spend every together and see where you two are at when the vacation ends...becuase you live so far away you have no idea what its like being with this woman all of the time.
Just try it...and good luck to you in your future
First thing first, you know each other by the little time you spend together, and by what you tell each other,when you get married in two weeks following her arrival, you may not click on close levels, maybe she can move and live close to you for a while, spend a lot of time together, living together, is a lot different than hanging out, I would never say you are too young, Movies are made on those long and young marriages that last...But you need to see the person for who they are ...not what you seem them to be
Sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight and know what you want. I think that you're ready if you feel ready. If you have any doubts follow what you're parents are saying but if you don't then I think it wouldn't be stupid to get married.
Anyway, there is something to say for having parental support. Relationships have a tough time lasting when families aren't behind them 100%. I would sit down with your family and have a real heart to heart.
Anyway, good luck and congratulations!
your to young... its all love and dovey but marriage is a big step in life your only 21 maybe get engage first and see where life goes from there and if your truly ready then its up to you both
good~luck
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I was a few months shy of 21 and he was exactly 6 months older when we married. We were in a long distance relationship as well. The main difference between us and you is that he already had a well paying job as a self-taught computer programmer/engineer and I owned my photography business. We'd both been on our own and supporting ourselves for the last couple years and we'd graduated high school early too, at 16.
I'm not so worried about your ages as I am about your near-breakups. Fights and arguments are normal and even good, because without them you'd know that one or both of you aren't being honest and real. But a near breakup is something else. If you haven't been together or known each other for at least several years, I'd wait on it.
The money isn't a big deal to me though. It's nice to have and it's hard to have to do without, but believe it or not, love trumps money. If you're positive that you and her are stubborn and determined enough to make this thing work, I'd go for it.Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married?
I married my middle/high school sweetheart both of us at age 21 (we are now 23).
He is a US Marine and I can tell you from 3 years of dating. He has been to Iraq twice and stationed in Okinawa, Japan. He also lived at Camp Pendleton, CA for a few months before I moved there (I was 4 hours away in our home town). Before I moved, I would see him every weekend or every other weekend for 4 months straight.......
So I can tell you we had a lot of distance and time away from each other.
So with that said, I feel I am qualified to give this advice based out of experience.
Please.....spend more time with eachother before you get married.
You need that re-connection with her on a daily bases. Once you get married, you won't always have time together; however, you both need to go through the stages of being together. You will find more things about her, good and not so good, same thing with you to her, about eachother and need that time to learn how to solve such issues.
Another thing I want to point out is that you have this ';life style'; schedule here.
You can get in a car wreck tomorrow and that whole Army career is put on hold or won't ever happen.
That could be a possible reason why both your families are worried. Here is a picture perfected, maped out life but none has ';what if's'; in it.
So wonderful you both are working out and in love. I am not saying you are both too young. As I said, I was 21 so I wouldn't have room to talk.
We are on Ft. Sill (Army base actually) with our necks up in stress/bills because we just bought a house and fully been on our own since day one. With a pregnancy and crappy economy here......trust me, you will come into situations that was not in your ';schedule'; like mine was so ';picture perfected'; maped out just like yours.......
Our families had mix emotions too; however, I am the first ';child'; to get a degree from college while he is the first pretty much in most of his family to go into the military. So we have good heads on our shoulders. In all reality, they eventually accepted fully.
Your parents are just worried. Respect that. One day, you will be worried about your kids marrying at 19-21.
People are so quick at putting an age on marriage, and yes for the most part some do marry way to young. But some people marry for the first time in their late 20's or early 30's, and with in months throw the towel in.
For some odd reason it was ';OK'; to do so, back in the 20's/30's/40's and 50's. Some young girls were 15 when they got married, and their grooms not much older.
My daughter is 18 and has been with jake for a year now (her first b/f) and they talk all the time about moving in, having kids one day, getting married and all that good stuff.
I just laugh to myself when they do so around me, in my mind ';YES'; they are both so young. And i know they wouldn't make it, but who am i to poke my nose in if they were too.
It's one of life's lesson's, so times you have to do and take that chance.
Who are we really to say, what's good for others and what's not. Would i like to see my child fall flat on her face? ';NO'; nor do your or her parents. They all only want what's best, for your both.
But it's not their life to live, i would say do what feels right to you both.
If this is the right one, the women you feel your meant to be with. Then so be it, do what feels right.
Just make it a point to wait on hanging that first baby, and spend as much time with each other.There is not harm in waiting 2 or 3 years before starting a family.
Sounds like you both know what your looking for in life, you might be young to some. But you both have goals and know what you both need and want out of life.
I was married at 19, my husband was also 19. Yes, there is a certain level of maturity ';missing';... but we worked through it because we love eachother. We have been married for almost 9 years, were sealed in the temple 3 years ago. If you wait until you are ';financially ready'; you won't ever get married, there will always be an excuse. Money will always be an issue, even if you start out with ';enough';, unless you are a billionaire.
Do what you feel is right. You are both adults and if you are willing to comitt to eachother, then go for it. Pray about it, ask your Heavenly Father if it is right.
Age, at a certain point, doesn't really have anything to do with it. If you both feel as though you can make the marriage work, then you are ready. Marriage is hard at any age, but it is also wonderful. Just do what you BOTH feel is right.
My big question here is will she be able to continue her education? If she can't then you should wait out of respect for her having the same opportunities that you will have. If she doesn't want to, then it sounds fine, but she may regret it and it may limit her options later on. The not finishing her education part.
It sounds like you two know what you want, and you've been planning it for awhile. Your future is financially stable, and you have valid reasons for wanting to get married now. Don't let your family's feelings get in the way. It's hard when they don't approve, but this is your life, and you know what's right for you. If both of you will be happy with the wedding you've planned, don't let anyone change it by any means.
First of all what does this mean: ';We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.';
Just wanted to know that before I give any real adcive.
However, from personal experience I am 21 and my fiancee is 22 were getting married next december but when we got engaged he was 19 and i was 18- EVERYONE said that we were too young.
I think the best thing we ever did for our relationship was wait untill we got married because we did want to get married right away, but since we were young we faught a lot a lot a lot!!! and just needed to take some time on us.
Personally I think you should fly your girl out for at least a 2-3 week vacation and spend every together and see where you two are at when the vacation ends...becuase you live so far away you have no idea what its like being with this woman all of the time.
Just try it...and good luck to you in your future
First thing first, you know each other by the little time you spend together, and by what you tell each other,when you get married in two weeks following her arrival, you may not click on close levels, maybe she can move and live close to you for a while, spend a lot of time together, living together, is a lot different than hanging out, I would never say you are too young, Movies are made on those long and young marriages that last...But you need to see the person for who they are ...not what you seem them to be
Sounds like you've got your head screwed on straight and know what you want. I think that you're ready if you feel ready. If you have any doubts follow what you're parents are saying but if you don't then I think it wouldn't be stupid to get married.
Anyway, there is something to say for having parental support. Relationships have a tough time lasting when families aren't behind them 100%. I would sit down with your family and have a real heart to heart.
Anyway, good luck and congratulations!
your to young... its all love and dovey but marriage is a big step in life your only 21 maybe get engage first and see where life goes from there and if your truly ready then its up to you both
good~luck
Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
Hi, I am a college student. I met my wife just as I got out of the Marines a few years ago. We fell in love and got married. She comes from a rich background but says money doesn't matter, and I just happened to meet her in the point in time when I was about to leave Cali and fly back to RI to finish college. So when I came back I brought her with me, and now we live together. Problem is I have to fight with her to pay half of the bills as I pay the other half, we both work, but she sleeps all day and only works 2 days a week. When I get home there is no food made, and the apt isn't clean. I basically have to tell her to do everything that involves responsibility. But as far as partying and going out she is an expert on that. She loves to go to dave and Busters with her friend, and where ever her friend goes. Her friend is a bad influence on her cause she is with a guy and cheats on him allot. But she says not to worry. I love her but, I seem so different from her, counselingOrdivorce?Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
Sounds like you need to put your foot down or send her packing.
Semper Fi!Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
The only way to get answers is to ASK questions... First off - What do you WANT? Never, ever use the word ';need';. This is the most selfish word ever created. If she responds with needs, then take in the selfishness of the answer. When speaking of yourself, state what it is YOU want. But good communication comes from listening! Then you can make better decisions about your future!
have you told her EXACTLY what you told us?
It does sound like she is in the wrong here and probably was too immature to marry.
In a marriage you BOTH have responsibilities- if you work more.. and support her more financially.. she needs to do more aroudn the house. Marriage is all about helping each other our and beign a team and it sounds liek shes very selfish.
I suggest that you tell her your concerns.. and see if she changes. I have a feeling she wont.
If she doesnt.. you ahve to decide.. is she (LIKE SHE IS) worth spending your life with? Do YOU deserve more?
it certainly sounds like your putting alot more in then she does.
Sounds like you need to put your foot down or send her packing.
Semper Fi!Hey my marriage is on the rocks someone give advice!?
The only way to get answers is to ASK questions... First off - What do you WANT? Never, ever use the word ';need';. This is the most selfish word ever created. If she responds with needs, then take in the selfishness of the answer. When speaking of yourself, state what it is YOU want. But good communication comes from listening! Then you can make better decisions about your future!
have you told her EXACTLY what you told us?
It does sound like she is in the wrong here and probably was too immature to marry.
In a marriage you BOTH have responsibilities- if you work more.. and support her more financially.. she needs to do more aroudn the house. Marriage is all about helping each other our and beign a team and it sounds liek shes very selfish.
I suggest that you tell her your concerns.. and see if she changes. I have a feeling she wont.
If she doesnt.. you ahve to decide.. is she (LIKE SHE IS) worth spending your life with? Do YOU deserve more?
it certainly sounds like your putting alot more in then she does.
My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I am married with two girls. I was living in Jamaica for 33 years. I was married for 10yrs and I finally came to live in New York with my husband. But while I was in Jamaica, my husband was sleeping with another Jamaican woman. He has a son with this woman. My eldest daughter joined Facebook and she add my husband son mother as a friend. My daughter showed me the lady on Facebook. The lady posted my husband last name as hers. She adds photos of her in my husband house. My husband is still with her on the low. I told him, how I felt and he started to get mad about divorcing me. What can I do, should I turn to God or should I leave him? What about my daughter, should I tell her to remove the lady as a friend? Help me, I am dying inside. I need bible scriptures to help me.My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
You need to pray for guidance, and divorce him! You do not deserve to be treated that way and your daughter should know better than to befriend someone that has caused you so much pain. You need to have a talk with your daughter. Leave HIM!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
You should turn to God and pray for the strength to leave him. He has ruined your marriage. I would not involve your daughter. Do not inflict your feelings of betrayal on her. Do not turn her against her father and his other family, or she may resent you for doing it, eventually. Ask God to give you strength and leave this man for good. He does not deserve you, and you certainly deserve better.
Put this situation in Gods hands and leave it there.
There is nothing you can do to change anything and worrying will do you no good!
Honey you don't need bible scriptures. You need a divorce attorney! God will help you start over. No woman should ever have to put up with what you have. You will be ok. I know how hard it is to start over alone. But you will be happy again. It will just take time. Good luck.
You need a job. What is it with you women who allow yourselves to become men's slaves by not having an education, a job or a profession?? This is the year 2009 there is no excuse for that.
The only thing that will help you in this is God for comfort and a lawyer to sort out the details.
You need to print out the information from your daughter, and you need to make sure you give it to your lawyer.
Whatever you do is what God is telling you to do!
Sit down with your daughter and tell her how you feel about her being friends with that woman.
Find a job!
Start anew............. just like Revelations says..............Start anew. It is in a message I got today from a friend. I guess I was supposed to tell you this because I'm in bed and ready for sleep and by complete chance I'm writing this to you. I'm a male, 43 years old. Not very religious but, I did receive this ';start anew'; from a friend of mine this morning in my e mail. I'm passing it on to you because I guess it fits and I feel compelled to tell you............ I believe this is your answer. I beleive this in my heart. Weird, but, I just feel this way. Take care, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.
yes in this case its over.
go to psalms,
speak to a pastor. go to a baptist church, read the bible.
psalm 73;26 my flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart,and my portion forever'.
28; it is good for me to draw near to God, I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works'.
psalm 18;3 'I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so I be saved from my enemies'.
yes have your daughter delete her from facebook, of course.
You need to pray for guidance, and divorce him! You do not deserve to be treated that way and your daughter should know better than to befriend someone that has caused you so much pain. You need to have a talk with your daughter. Leave HIM!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
You should turn to God and pray for the strength to leave him. He has ruined your marriage. I would not involve your daughter. Do not inflict your feelings of betrayal on her. Do not turn her against her father and his other family, or she may resent you for doing it, eventually. Ask God to give you strength and leave this man for good. He does not deserve you, and you certainly deserve better.
Put this situation in Gods hands and leave it there.
There is nothing you can do to change anything and worrying will do you no good!
Honey you don't need bible scriptures. You need a divorce attorney! God will help you start over. No woman should ever have to put up with what you have. You will be ok. I know how hard it is to start over alone. But you will be happy again. It will just take time. Good luck.
You need a job. What is it with you women who allow yourselves to become men's slaves by not having an education, a job or a profession?? This is the year 2009 there is no excuse for that.
The only thing that will help you in this is God for comfort and a lawyer to sort out the details.
You need to print out the information from your daughter, and you need to make sure you give it to your lawyer.
Whatever you do is what God is telling you to do!
Sit down with your daughter and tell her how you feel about her being friends with that woman.
Find a job!
Start anew............. just like Revelations says..............Start anew. It is in a message I got today from a friend. I guess I was supposed to tell you this because I'm in bed and ready for sleep and by complete chance I'm writing this to you. I'm a male, 43 years old. Not very religious but, I did receive this ';start anew'; from a friend of mine this morning in my e mail. I'm passing it on to you because I guess it fits and I feel compelled to tell you............ I believe this is your answer. I beleive this in my heart. Weird, but, I just feel this way. Take care, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.
yes in this case its over.
go to psalms,
speak to a pastor. go to a baptist church, read the bible.
psalm 73;26 my flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart,and my portion forever'.
28; it is good for me to draw near to God, I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works'.
psalm 18;3 'I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so I be saved from my enemies'.
yes have your daughter delete her from facebook, of course.
Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
I'ts been a month of separation. My husband of 10yrs is really REALLY trying to make our marriage work. But in 10yrs, was the worst husband you could ever imagine...NEVER helped clean, cook, help with kids, faithful. Just a momma's boy and walked all over me. Now he is keeping the kids, cooks dinner, calls me and tells me his every move. AFFECTIONATE. I mean really trying. He told me today that he created our monster of a marriage, and he knows what he needs to do fix it. Should I believe him, or is he just pulling my leg to keep me from going to the friend of the court? How do I know if he is for real or just playing a game b/c he knows I love him?Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Losing his family and you leaving makes some people re-evaluate things and you are seeing the results. Sounds like this is the case. It's really up to you if you want to give him a second chance in life. And how do you know if he's faking it? You don't. No one really fakes the hurt of losing a spouse and doing everything they can to get them back.
The ultimate decision is yours. Just recognize that he's trying...trying real hard to set things right. Don't hate him for that.Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Give the separation more time. Try to meet him halfway though. Since you have children and you love him it's worth it to try to reconcile. Getting back together too soon would be a mistake.
Stay strong.
It's great that he is trying to change, but it takes two people to make a relationship. Try to figure out the mistakes you have made also and work on them.
Good luck!
I would have to say you are better off learning sooner than later. conserve the money it cost for two households and travel, you should both be in the same house with the children. I am sure he sees now what he almost lost and the only way to prove that is to put it into action, make it clear this does not mean he wins, but the test gets harder and the same results are at stake. Good Luck to you both.
If he is serious about your marriage, he will go to weekly marriage counseling sessions with you.
You both need it. Your marriage hasn't worked for 10 years. You need to find a counselor who can give you new skills and new ways of negotiating life with one another.
Its like the old saying goes. You never know how good you had it until its gone. Maybe he has realized it and really wants you back. Have you ever made a mistake? Did you think you deserved a second chance? I say give it a shot, it sounds like he really is sorry for the way it was before.
You don't know he is 'for real' or 'playing a game' until you test him. . . . . You know his best.
Could be either. . . . . . . and remember, creatures always return to habits.
Right now he misses you but let him miss you more. He needs to know that you are serious. But I would suggest counseling, believe me it works if you two are serious about WORKING to make your marriage work.
that's a set up. you mean we can do it apart but not together. how can you be ok with going from the wife to the girlfriend. becuase that's what you are now. get ya mind right.
I guess the big question would be...do you still love him. My ex promised me the moon if I would not move out. I never got the moon and it was the same old stuff 2 weeks later.
omg this is me years and all and im scared but im trying just being extremely careful and watchful and i'm not getting my hopes up either good luck
Sometimes it takes drastic measures (such as a break-up) for someone to see what they had and didn't respect. He really may be trying to change to save his marriage. I think one month is not long enough to know that for sure. Give it more time, and I think his true reasons will reveal themselves for the good or for the bad.
As you say, one month doesn't change the past. Still at least he appears to be making an effort. Some times a person has to literally be knocked over the head to realize they need to change and that what they have done in the past is wrong. My advice is to go slow and make sure the changes last and that other changes that you would need made to make this marriage work are also occurring. Then slowly give him another chance but make it clear what needs to continue. And be sure to let him know when he slips up without being mean about it and see how it goes. It would be silly to throw away 10 years if it can be fixed. Some times we have to at least give a person a chance to change.
Interesting that you have not seen your part of the destruction of the marriage. It was that you let him walk all over you. You need to be more direct with him and what you need. You may be a ';giver'; personality. Look in to it.
Also, it is interesting that he thinks he can fix everything. That's simply not the case.
You have to find your part in it, too. Please read: ';Boundaries in Marriage'; by Townsend and Cloud. Or, even start with ';Boundaries, when to say yes, how to say no, take control of your life'; by the same authors.
You will need to take more of an initiative than YA. Take care, best to you both.
Well you loving him or even he loving you does NOT fix a marriage! Dr. Phil says future behavior is gauged by past behavior and unfortunately those 10 years of lousy behavior are not typically something that will suddenly change! He has shown you who HE IS. just because he says he wants to change and be different that does not guarantee anything. If he doesn't want to lose you and the family he might say ANYTHING to get you back - only to end up exactly where you were before.
Don't be QUICK to accept this from him. TRUE colors always show up with time and patience and HE needs to prove himself over a period of time and hopefully with counseling too for himself and the two of you. If you allow him to maneuver himself right back in the door - YOU are just asking for trouble. YOU deserve better, you need more, you should be happy and helped and have a loyal, trustworthy, kind, considerate, giving spouse - that is NOT asking too much. It's easy to be nice to get your way. anyone can put on a nice face and act a certain way for a short time - the truth will be told in his consistent, continued, honest, slow steps towards more positive behavior %26amp; actions with professional help.
Don't believe what he says - BELIEVE what you see as you slowly, patiently and over a period of time SEE actual, genuine, real change for the better. DON'T be in any hurry to get back together here..... make him show you and prove to you that is matters enough to him to also wait and be patient and truly change because he knows he has problems and he recognizes his errors and the issues of your marriage.... make him see, face and talk about the reality of it all! Step back and slow down.... time will tell.
I love your question! I think this is the best medicine for your marriage. He now is doing things with the kids and doing the domestic work around his new place I think you should believe him when he says he wants the marriage to work . everyday that goes by he is appreciating you more and more, and loving you more and more. I think he's starting to realize what he had and what he didn't do around the house to help you, sometimes you have to us tough love to get someone to listen to you, and to appreciate you . Keep up the good work and he will be home soon . I call this the hard knocks of school.elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
Losing his family and you leaving makes some people re-evaluate things and you are seeing the results. Sounds like this is the case. It's really up to you if you want to give him a second chance in life. And how do you know if he's faking it? You don't. No one really fakes the hurt of losing a spouse and doing everything they can to get them back.
The ultimate decision is yours. Just recognize that he's trying...trying real hard to set things right. Don't hate him for that.Need some advice here...currently separated, but working on our marriage in separate households...?
Give the separation more time. Try to meet him halfway though. Since you have children and you love him it's worth it to try to reconcile. Getting back together too soon would be a mistake.
Stay strong.
It's great that he is trying to change, but it takes two people to make a relationship. Try to figure out the mistakes you have made also and work on them.
Good luck!
I would have to say you are better off learning sooner than later. conserve the money it cost for two households and travel, you should both be in the same house with the children. I am sure he sees now what he almost lost and the only way to prove that is to put it into action, make it clear this does not mean he wins, but the test gets harder and the same results are at stake. Good Luck to you both.
If he is serious about your marriage, he will go to weekly marriage counseling sessions with you.
You both need it. Your marriage hasn't worked for 10 years. You need to find a counselor who can give you new skills and new ways of negotiating life with one another.
Its like the old saying goes. You never know how good you had it until its gone. Maybe he has realized it and really wants you back. Have you ever made a mistake? Did you think you deserved a second chance? I say give it a shot, it sounds like he really is sorry for the way it was before.
You don't know he is 'for real' or 'playing a game' until you test him. . . . . You know his best.
Could be either. . . . . . . and remember, creatures always return to habits.
Right now he misses you but let him miss you more. He needs to know that you are serious. But I would suggest counseling, believe me it works if you two are serious about WORKING to make your marriage work.
that's a set up. you mean we can do it apart but not together. how can you be ok with going from the wife to the girlfriend. becuase that's what you are now. get ya mind right.
I guess the big question would be...do you still love him. My ex promised me the moon if I would not move out. I never got the moon and it was the same old stuff 2 weeks later.
omg this is me years and all and im scared but im trying just being extremely careful and watchful and i'm not getting my hopes up either good luck
Sometimes it takes drastic measures (such as a break-up) for someone to see what they had and didn't respect. He really may be trying to change to save his marriage. I think one month is not long enough to know that for sure. Give it more time, and I think his true reasons will reveal themselves for the good or for the bad.
As you say, one month doesn't change the past. Still at least he appears to be making an effort. Some times a person has to literally be knocked over the head to realize they need to change and that what they have done in the past is wrong. My advice is to go slow and make sure the changes last and that other changes that you would need made to make this marriage work are also occurring. Then slowly give him another chance but make it clear what needs to continue. And be sure to let him know when he slips up without being mean about it and see how it goes. It would be silly to throw away 10 years if it can be fixed. Some times we have to at least give a person a chance to change.
Interesting that you have not seen your part of the destruction of the marriage. It was that you let him walk all over you. You need to be more direct with him and what you need. You may be a ';giver'; personality. Look in to it.
Also, it is interesting that he thinks he can fix everything. That's simply not the case.
You have to find your part in it, too. Please read: ';Boundaries in Marriage'; by Townsend and Cloud. Or, even start with ';Boundaries, when to say yes, how to say no, take control of your life'; by the same authors.
You will need to take more of an initiative than YA. Take care, best to you both.
Well you loving him or even he loving you does NOT fix a marriage! Dr. Phil says future behavior is gauged by past behavior and unfortunately those 10 years of lousy behavior are not typically something that will suddenly change! He has shown you who HE IS. just because he says he wants to change and be different that does not guarantee anything. If he doesn't want to lose you and the family he might say ANYTHING to get you back - only to end up exactly where you were before.
Don't be QUICK to accept this from him. TRUE colors always show up with time and patience and HE needs to prove himself over a period of time and hopefully with counseling too for himself and the two of you. If you allow him to maneuver himself right back in the door - YOU are just asking for trouble. YOU deserve better, you need more, you should be happy and helped and have a loyal, trustworthy, kind, considerate, giving spouse - that is NOT asking too much. It's easy to be nice to get your way. anyone can put on a nice face and act a certain way for a short time - the truth will be told in his consistent, continued, honest, slow steps towards more positive behavior %26amp; actions with professional help.
Don't believe what he says - BELIEVE what you see as you slowly, patiently and over a period of time SEE actual, genuine, real change for the better. DON'T be in any hurry to get back together here..... make him show you and prove to you that is matters enough to him to also wait and be patient and truly change because he knows he has problems and he recognizes his errors and the issues of your marriage.... make him see, face and talk about the reality of it all! Step back and slow down.... time will tell.
I love your question! I think this is the best medicine for your marriage. He now is doing things with the kids and doing the domestic work around his new place I think you should believe him when he says he wants the marriage to work . everyday that goes by he is appreciating you more and more, and loving you more and more. I think he's starting to realize what he had and what he didn't do around the house to help you, sometimes you have to us tough love to get someone to listen to you, and to appreciate you . Keep up the good work and he will be home soon . I call this the hard knocks of school.
Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
My husband and I have been together 4 years, married only one. After we got married everything changed. After being married one month his business suffered major loss so I loaned him several thousand dollars which he promised to pay back and he hasn't yet. He also layed out of work for eight months and hasn't helped me with hardly any bills.Marriage is hard enough as it is. He is very secretive and doesn't let me do anything. I love him for the person he used to be and know it is in my best interest to leave but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road. What should I do? I can't keep sane and live like this.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
We have similar stories. We had a much shorter courtship than you, but the money started going out the window sooner. I too loved him for who he was when we met, and went through nearly $300K trying to make him happy %26amp; see that person again. I never considered any of it a loan though, just foolishness on my part. I spent our entire marraige supporting him financially (even though he worked, he rarely had enough money to contribute to the household) and emotionally, and getting nothing in return. I kept telling myself that he was under a lot of stress since he had lost the business I put him in after a year. But on my end the financial strain I was under was overwhelming, yet I never got any support from him. He never helped around the house, and even taking out the garbage was always too much trouble, so I did everything. I worked, took care of the house, bills %26amp; children, cleaned %26amp; did laundry %26amp; all he ever did was complain every now %26amp; again that I wasn't doing a good enough job. His life consisted of getting out of bed, then playing on the computer til it was time to shower %26amp; go to work, and yet still I stayed. My husband was very secretive too. At the begining of our relationship, his life was an open book, but then I started catching him in lies %26amp; his passwords started to change. I found myself being suspicious of every move he made, and every word that came out of his mouth. I didn't even recognize the person I became as my sole purpose in life was trying to recapture that magic we had early on. It didn't happen, and the day came that I became angry %26amp; finally decided I'd had enough. I'm lonely, I'm scared %26amp; I don't doubt for a second that I made the right decision. He walked away from the relationship complaining that it wasn't fair that I got everything, even though he had nothing when he came to me and I'm now so buried in debt that I doubt I'll ever recover. But I'm looking ahead, and I know that my future will be more peaceful %26amp; secure without him. The decision is yours to make. Doors don't need to be locked and never opened again. If you feel like you need to leave now for your own good, then do it. No one says that you can't try to reconcile after time has gone by %26amp; you truly feel that you want to give it another shot. My hope is that after my husband sees the burden he's placed on me after having to support himself for a while, that maybe in the future we can have another chance. But for now, I'm doing what's best for me %26amp; my children. Just remember that resentment, like hate %26amp; jealousy is a poisonous emotion that will only harm you, not him.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
Marriage equals committment from both of you not just you. Your husband needs to understand and address this. I would confront him about how you feel and if he is not motivated to change , you can have a break away maybe this would motivate him into sorting this out. You may feel like you have made a mistake down the road however the biggest risk is not taking any at all. If you dont act now you will continue in this misery. Only you can take the step to make a change. Take Care and wish you well.
I think a lot of the issue is you. You consider the money you gave your husband to be a loan. When your married your money is his and his is yours, so how can it be a loan? Why does he have to pay it back. His business suffered a major loss so that means your business suffered a major loss.
Did you remember the part where you said ';for better or for worse, in sickness and health';
Didn't your parents tell you when you get married everything is 50/50. When you get a divorce you will find out what 50/50 means.
It sounds like you have a business arrangement, like business partners, not a marriage.
By the way your husband is the same person you married 4 years ago. You just choose to ignore it then.
stick to your vows and work through your problems. communicate with him and perhaps try some sort of counseling. the Bible says ';a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two'; (Ecclesiastes 4:12) - put God in your marriage, slow down %26amp; try to work with your husband. he may likely be devastated because of the business loss %26amp; not being able to provide properly for his family. he may need your emotional support more than you think. but you won't know until you both are open %26amp; honest with each other.
Sounds to me like you married a sociopath. You don't love him for ';the person he used to be.'; You love him for *the person you THOUGHT he was*!!! An important difference. He was never that person. He was fooling you. Now he's using you to milk as much money out of you as he can. Get out as quickly as you can, and kiss the money you loaned him goodbye. Get your finances separated as quickly as you can, too.
You are married. Some where in there you said for better or worse. If you are married why are you ';loaning him money' what happen to joining everything together. Is money more important then your heart that you joined love and hearts but don't touch my money. You are the selfish one with the problem. He is goiing through hard times and it sounds like all you care about is your money and what am I going to do. You are a selfish self centered B*** and he does not deserve you
Just move on. We all make bad choices in life, but that doesn't mean we have to live with them. ';but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road.'; ... better to face the mistake you are currently living with than to worry about one that may or may not occur later on in life.
If you are always focusing on finances, he has no choice but to be secretive.
Most of what is mentioned here is finances.
I could see moving on for adultery, but maybe you should have married your stock broker, and not a husband.
You are the only one who can advise yourself, sit down and draw a trial balance account of your marriage, look at the pros and cons, then make a decision.
If he isn't even trying to better the situation the marriage is doomed anyway so I would bounce if he shows the interest in making it work.
ALL THOSE ANSWERS ARE GREAT NOW REALLY WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WANT..
MAYBE COUNSELING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU
girl kick his *** to the curve.hes a free loader. as long as u continue to support his dead butt hes ganna walk over ya stand up for ur self now b4 its too late
I'm not sure why you plan to move on. It sounds like nothing has changed except that your husband had a business setback and now has been out of work. Do you think he plans to stay out of work? Is he looking for work? Because if he is, things like this happen in life. If he isn't, there's marriage counseling or just insisting. But someone losing a job isn't grounds for divorce, in my opinion. As for borrowing money from you - that makes no sense, sorry. You're married. Your assets are shared. That can hurt when one person doesn't manage money well, e.g. my ex, but still.
Edit: With the additional details you added, I agree with the person below - sounds like you married a sociopath or something like it, and, sadly, only figured it out after marriage. Which makes breaking up harder. I think the first thing to do is to find a clinical psychologist and get some counseling about it, or to simply consult a divorce attorney if you're sure that's what you want to do. I don't think it would hurt to give marriage counseling a shot for a couple of months, since it sounds like some of these problems could be solved if he SERIOUSLY worked on changing.
I almost didnt answer, but I think I should.
Hear me with care if you would....I dont mean this disrespectfully. How do you ';loan'; a spouse money? Once your married, its yours together, I thought? The mine and yours philosophy rarely works in marriage and that thought is a bit dangerous I think to the harmony of an intimate couple. Especially when it comes to money.
NOW, to your credit, you should tell him that you cant live like this and that things need to change. But remember, ';for better or worse'; doesnt mean ';until I get stressed out';. It means once a team, the team sticks it together.
I wouldnt want a spouse bailing on me when times got rough. Neither would you. BE HONEST with him. TELL him what you need. GIVE him the opportunity to show you.
We have similar stories. We had a much shorter courtship than you, but the money started going out the window sooner. I too loved him for who he was when we met, and went through nearly $300K trying to make him happy %26amp; see that person again. I never considered any of it a loan though, just foolishness on my part. I spent our entire marraige supporting him financially (even though he worked, he rarely had enough money to contribute to the household) and emotionally, and getting nothing in return. I kept telling myself that he was under a lot of stress since he had lost the business I put him in after a year. But on my end the financial strain I was under was overwhelming, yet I never got any support from him. He never helped around the house, and even taking out the garbage was always too much trouble, so I did everything. I worked, took care of the house, bills %26amp; children, cleaned %26amp; did laundry %26amp; all he ever did was complain every now %26amp; again that I wasn't doing a good enough job. His life consisted of getting out of bed, then playing on the computer til it was time to shower %26amp; go to work, and yet still I stayed. My husband was very secretive too. At the begining of our relationship, his life was an open book, but then I started catching him in lies %26amp; his passwords started to change. I found myself being suspicious of every move he made, and every word that came out of his mouth. I didn't even recognize the person I became as my sole purpose in life was trying to recapture that magic we had early on. It didn't happen, and the day came that I became angry %26amp; finally decided I'd had enough. I'm lonely, I'm scared %26amp; I don't doubt for a second that I made the right decision. He walked away from the relationship complaining that it wasn't fair that I got everything, even though he had nothing when he came to me and I'm now so buried in debt that I doubt I'll ever recover. But I'm looking ahead, and I know that my future will be more peaceful %26amp; secure without him. The decision is yours to make. Doors don't need to be locked and never opened again. If you feel like you need to leave now for your own good, then do it. No one says that you can't try to reconcile after time has gone by %26amp; you truly feel that you want to give it another shot. My hope is that after my husband sees the burden he's placed on me after having to support himself for a while, that maybe in the future we can have another chance. But for now, I'm doing what's best for me %26amp; my children. Just remember that resentment, like hate %26amp; jealousy is a poisonous emotion that will only harm you, not him.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
Marriage equals committment from both of you not just you. Your husband needs to understand and address this. I would confront him about how you feel and if he is not motivated to change , you can have a break away maybe this would motivate him into sorting this out. You may feel like you have made a mistake down the road however the biggest risk is not taking any at all. If you dont act now you will continue in this misery. Only you can take the step to make a change. Take Care and wish you well.
I think a lot of the issue is you. You consider the money you gave your husband to be a loan. When your married your money is his and his is yours, so how can it be a loan? Why does he have to pay it back. His business suffered a major loss so that means your business suffered a major loss.
Did you remember the part where you said ';for better or for worse, in sickness and health';
Didn't your parents tell you when you get married everything is 50/50. When you get a divorce you will find out what 50/50 means.
It sounds like you have a business arrangement, like business partners, not a marriage.
By the way your husband is the same person you married 4 years ago. You just choose to ignore it then.
stick to your vows and work through your problems. communicate with him and perhaps try some sort of counseling. the Bible says ';a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two'; (Ecclesiastes 4:12) - put God in your marriage, slow down %26amp; try to work with your husband. he may likely be devastated because of the business loss %26amp; not being able to provide properly for his family. he may need your emotional support more than you think. but you won't know until you both are open %26amp; honest with each other.
Sounds to me like you married a sociopath. You don't love him for ';the person he used to be.'; You love him for *the person you THOUGHT he was*!!! An important difference. He was never that person. He was fooling you. Now he's using you to milk as much money out of you as he can. Get out as quickly as you can, and kiss the money you loaned him goodbye. Get your finances separated as quickly as you can, too.
You are married. Some where in there you said for better or worse. If you are married why are you ';loaning him money' what happen to joining everything together. Is money more important then your heart that you joined love and hearts but don't touch my money. You are the selfish one with the problem. He is goiing through hard times and it sounds like all you care about is your money and what am I going to do. You are a selfish self centered B*** and he does not deserve you
Just move on. We all make bad choices in life, but that doesn't mean we have to live with them. ';but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road.'; ... better to face the mistake you are currently living with than to worry about one that may or may not occur later on in life.
If you are always focusing on finances, he has no choice but to be secretive.
Most of what is mentioned here is finances.
I could see moving on for adultery, but maybe you should have married your stock broker, and not a husband.
You are the only one who can advise yourself, sit down and draw a trial balance account of your marriage, look at the pros and cons, then make a decision.
If he isn't even trying to better the situation the marriage is doomed anyway so I would bounce if he shows the interest in making it work.
ALL THOSE ANSWERS ARE GREAT NOW REALLY WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WANT..
MAYBE COUNSELING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU
girl kick his *** to the curve.hes a free loader. as long as u continue to support his dead butt hes ganna walk over ya stand up for ur self now b4 its too late
I'm not sure why you plan to move on. It sounds like nothing has changed except that your husband had a business setback and now has been out of work. Do you think he plans to stay out of work? Is he looking for work? Because if he is, things like this happen in life. If he isn't, there's marriage counseling or just insisting. But someone losing a job isn't grounds for divorce, in my opinion. As for borrowing money from you - that makes no sense, sorry. You're married. Your assets are shared. That can hurt when one person doesn't manage money well, e.g. my ex, but still.
Edit: With the additional details you added, I agree with the person below - sounds like you married a sociopath or something like it, and, sadly, only figured it out after marriage. Which makes breaking up harder. I think the first thing to do is to find a clinical psychologist and get some counseling about it, or to simply consult a divorce attorney if you're sure that's what you want to do. I don't think it would hurt to give marriage counseling a shot for a couple of months, since it sounds like some of these problems could be solved if he SERIOUSLY worked on changing.
I almost didnt answer, but I think I should.
Hear me with care if you would....I dont mean this disrespectfully. How do you ';loan'; a spouse money? Once your married, its yours together, I thought? The mine and yours philosophy rarely works in marriage and that thought is a bit dangerous I think to the harmony of an intimate couple. Especially when it comes to money.
NOW, to your credit, you should tell him that you cant live like this and that things need to change. But remember, ';for better or worse'; doesnt mean ';until I get stressed out';. It means once a team, the team sticks it together.
I wouldnt want a spouse bailing on me when times got rough. Neither would you. BE HONEST with him. TELL him what you need. GIVE him the opportunity to show you.
Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) & undergoing pregnancy?
My sister was Credit Analyst(+2 yr experience) with a Bank,India but due to marriage she was suppose to leave her said job and join her husband in Scotland. Now she has delivered a Son within her 1 year of marriage (Her Son is 6 months old) and want to pursue her career.
Please advice:
How to make-up/justify her career gap of 1.6yr(approx.) in the Resume?
What should be her approach to get a Finance job in Scotland especially in this recession time?Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
First of all getting married and relocating and having a baby is a great excuse for a career gap. I have done that minus the baby.. If she can she can try temporary employment agencies like www.reed.co.uk i love them. They are everywhere and they can at least get her something that would perhaps lead her to full time work. They do full time placement as well. I know it's stressful .. Bless and good luck!Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
With a gap that long, and a change in country, there is no way to disguise the gap. No way to disguise the fact that she has no experience in Scotland, either. If she wants to be a credit analyst, she's going to have to prove she knows the generally accepted accounting principles and standards used in Scotland/UK, and can analyze the financials.
She will have to own up to the fact that she has immigrated to a foreign country and had a baby. No way around it, even though it opens up a can of worms about her lack of local experience, lack of UK training, child care issues.
Please advice:
How to make-up/justify her career gap of 1.6yr(approx.) in the Resume?
What should be her approach to get a Finance job in Scotland especially in this recession time?Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
First of all getting married and relocating and having a baby is a great excuse for a career gap. I have done that minus the baby.. If she can she can try temporary employment agencies like www.reed.co.uk i love them. They are everywhere and they can at least get her something that would perhaps lead her to full time work. They do full time placement as well. I know it's stressful .. Bless and good luck!Advice on getting job after career gap of +1yr due to change in country(after marriage) %26amp; undergoing pregnancy?
With a gap that long, and a change in country, there is no way to disguise the gap. No way to disguise the fact that she has no experience in Scotland, either. If she wants to be a credit analyst, she's going to have to prove she knows the generally accepted accounting principles and standards used in Scotland/UK, and can analyze the financials.
She will have to own up to the fact that she has immigrated to a foreign country and had a baby. No way around it, even though it opens up a can of worms about her lack of local experience, lack of UK training, child care issues.
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
My fiancee and I am are looking at getting married February because of several facts and we love each other so much. But my family thinks I am WAY too young and her and I would not financially succeed. Here are the facts:
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments. Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
CONGRATS! My husband is in the Army, he is 20 and he is LDS or was I guess, so I know what you feel.
I think that most people aren't financially stabled when they first get married. THAT is how you both learn to value each other... Seeing that you both are putting their all to prosper makes a big difference than coming into a marriage with your ';own'; money and all.
Age is not a factor, finance can be but if you two are ready to make it work you will make it!
I really hope you do what you two really wish to do. I promise you'll be OK!
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
I would live together before getting married. Give it a years time. I know this from experience. Once you move in together everything changes..
Tough one. I got married at 19 thinking we had it all planned out and were going to be together forever. After 19 years we split up because we grew apart. Looking back I wish we had waited a few years. I don't regret the marriage because it gave me four great kids. I do however wished we had waited a few years to get to know each other way better then we did. You didn't say how long you have been together. Its hard when you are young and feel like you can take the world by the reins. I do agree with the others. It sounds like you are very mature and have thought this through. My ex was 20 going on 21 and I was 19 when we got married. I would wait another year or two. But that is me. Blessings and best of luck what ever you decide.
Is she ready for deployments and time away from you and TDY's??? so the distance is killing you guys, just wait until you get deployed and she is pregnant with a child or you can;t come hoem for christmas because you are on a deployment, I don;t think she knows what she is in for, as an ex-military soldier who had to spend an entire years tour away form family and then a tiur in kuwiat during the war, its no picknick, and I am the Mom, my husband was also military and he was not happy being the single parent, believe me, I got out and then I stayed home while he went thru 4 deployments.
Just because Obama promices to pull out of Iraq doesn;t mean we will presidents promice thigns all the time and then never do it.
Do you guys know how you are with money, and kids, you oviously know how you are in fights.
My son is currently away form his love. she is 18 and he is 20 and he is in the airforce. The distance prepares you for deployments because you gotta know you will be deployed, its the nature of the beast.
But I think if you live close to each other you will be risking having sex before marriage...thats just my opinion. Bepfre you can get her to the temple. I would go thru marriage counseling before you get married , if she can;t handel the distance now, what makes you think she can handel the distance when you get deployed for 9 to 17 months at a time???
Sounds like you two are very responsible. I admire your reasoning and the fact that you are searching for the best for you both. Is there anyway she can move closer to you without actually moving in together? I think its important to be around someone on a continuous basis before getting married....but if not, then go ahead and get married. It doesnt sound like anything is going to stop you anyway. I personally think you are too young just cuz I got married young. but, hey, life is for living so do what makes you happy!
Dude...drop all the religious beleifs right now...they only get you intro trouble.....like getting married for example and not having sex and all that jazz.
You're young and you are going to be an officer in the army. You want to be able to get out there and have fun alongside your troops no?
What are you gonna do when all the guy's you're in charge of come back with wild stories....and all you have is the boring married life?
Think about it.
Too much resposiblity too soon.
You sound like you both have thought this through and are being very responsible.
I don't think you are making a mistake and I do believe you have a great chance at having a wonderful life together.
It sounds like two people in love that want to be together and are doing what they need to do to make it happen.
The only suggestion I would make if I was your mom is not to have children right away. Other then that I would wish you both happiness and hope that you would invite me to the wedding.
You are not making a mistake. You are going to be fine. Congratulations. May you have many years together and all the love your hearts can hold.
I think you can make it. I have been in the military for a few years and have seen many young couple make it.
The only thing to be wary of, she may not understand why you have to be away from her so much, to study and do ROTC stuff. My ex was in ROTC and he barely had time for ROTC, he hated it cause they made him do so much crap.
The majority of guys I have dated while going to school did not like the fact I could not spend all my time with them.
Also, the number one problem I have seen in the military is spouses being mad about things that their spoouse needs to do. Such as training periods and going away, that sort of thing.
An ROTC scholarship is not worth messing up becuase your GF is complaining. Trust me, spouses take up more time than you think.
That is the only reason I would hold off. I would say wait a couple more years, cause opportunity's do not always come back. You think you have an infinite supply when you are young, but you don't. Don't blow this scholarship, love can wait 2 years.
You seem like you have your head on straight, love her and have plans set up to keep yourself financially stable. You actually sound more mature than a lot of people ten years older than you. While it is true that more marriages fail when the couple married young, I think there are exceptions to every rule. If it feels right, go for it, since living together is out of the question for you.
Best of luck to you both.
Seems to me like you have a great head on your shoulders. There are several people out there that are having babies at 16 and getting married is not even in their vocabulary. You keep doing what you are doing. The army is great but you really have to stay in long term to reap the full benefits. Make sure that you discuss this with your future wife. Sometimes, things change once she comes out and you all start living together. The fact that you all have not been physical to this point, says a lot about the both of you. Getting married at 21 is young but you should not be frowned upon if this is something that you are sure that you want to do. Your family should support you no matter what your decision is.
I am going to college on a full ride Army ROTC scholarship and I am a sophomore with a 3.8 GPA.
My fiancee lives in NV and I in MO.
We are both LDS and sex before marriage and living together is out of the question.
The long distance is hurting our relationship because human touch cannot be replaced.
We got engaged in July.
I'm 20 and will be 21 in May.
She is 19 and will be 20 in August.
We plan on getting an apartment and her working full time while I go to school with the Army and maybe get a part time job.
We have saved $5,000 for her moving here and starting out.
We have not yet announced our wedding date since money and long distance stuff.
My family does not support the marriage because of ';being too young and not financially ready'; since they think we will fail.
Her family is not too hot about it but they are supportive. All of her family married around 18.
The Army is going to give me $25,000 next November in 2009.
I do know she is the one for me and I want to take her to the temple. We have the same values, have been through our fights and near break ups but we love each other more afterwards. She has completed a year of college. I want the best for us but since she lives 1,300 miles away the long distance kills (we have always been long distance). We are planning on her moving down in January and getting married two weeks later. We plan on announcing it to our families in three weeks. I just want some input because I hate getting into it with my parents thinking I am making the worst mistake of my life but I honestly think we can make it, and once I am a Army officer we will be okay. I am already in my career field and I do have good time management, and discipline, because if I didn't the Army would not be giving me a full ride to college and a officer commission in 2011.
I would like some advice and comments. Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
CONGRATS! My husband is in the Army, he is 20 and he is LDS or was I guess, so I know what you feel.
I think that most people aren't financially stabled when they first get married. THAT is how you both learn to value each other... Seeing that you both are putting their all to prosper makes a big difference than coming into a marriage with your ';own'; money and all.
Age is not a factor, finance can be but if you two are ready to make it work you will make it!
I really hope you do what you two really wish to do. I promise you'll be OK!
Young Marriage advice or at least a double check on getting married. ?
I would live together before getting married. Give it a years time. I know this from experience. Once you move in together everything changes..
Tough one. I got married at 19 thinking we had it all planned out and were going to be together forever. After 19 years we split up because we grew apart. Looking back I wish we had waited a few years. I don't regret the marriage because it gave me four great kids. I do however wished we had waited a few years to get to know each other way better then we did. You didn't say how long you have been together. Its hard when you are young and feel like you can take the world by the reins. I do agree with the others. It sounds like you are very mature and have thought this through. My ex was 20 going on 21 and I was 19 when we got married. I would wait another year or two. But that is me. Blessings and best of luck what ever you decide.
Is she ready for deployments and time away from you and TDY's??? so the distance is killing you guys, just wait until you get deployed and she is pregnant with a child or you can;t come hoem for christmas because you are on a deployment, I don;t think she knows what she is in for, as an ex-military soldier who had to spend an entire years tour away form family and then a tiur in kuwiat during the war, its no picknick, and I am the Mom, my husband was also military and he was not happy being the single parent, believe me, I got out and then I stayed home while he went thru 4 deployments.
Just because Obama promices to pull out of Iraq doesn;t mean we will presidents promice thigns all the time and then never do it.
Do you guys know how you are with money, and kids, you oviously know how you are in fights.
My son is currently away form his love. she is 18 and he is 20 and he is in the airforce. The distance prepares you for deployments because you gotta know you will be deployed, its the nature of the beast.
But I think if you live close to each other you will be risking having sex before marriage...thats just my opinion. Bepfre you can get her to the temple. I would go thru marriage counseling before you get married , if she can;t handel the distance now, what makes you think she can handel the distance when you get deployed for 9 to 17 months at a time???
Sounds like you two are very responsible. I admire your reasoning and the fact that you are searching for the best for you both. Is there anyway she can move closer to you without actually moving in together? I think its important to be around someone on a continuous basis before getting married....but if not, then go ahead and get married. It doesnt sound like anything is going to stop you anyway. I personally think you are too young just cuz I got married young. but, hey, life is for living so do what makes you happy!
Dude...drop all the religious beleifs right now...they only get you intro trouble.....like getting married for example and not having sex and all that jazz.
You're young and you are going to be an officer in the army. You want to be able to get out there and have fun alongside your troops no?
What are you gonna do when all the guy's you're in charge of come back with wild stories....and all you have is the boring married life?
Think about it.
Too much resposiblity too soon.
You sound like you both have thought this through and are being very responsible.
I don't think you are making a mistake and I do believe you have a great chance at having a wonderful life together.
It sounds like two people in love that want to be together and are doing what they need to do to make it happen.
The only suggestion I would make if I was your mom is not to have children right away. Other then that I would wish you both happiness and hope that you would invite me to the wedding.
You are not making a mistake. You are going to be fine. Congratulations. May you have many years together and all the love your hearts can hold.
I think you can make it. I have been in the military for a few years and have seen many young couple make it.
The only thing to be wary of, she may not understand why you have to be away from her so much, to study and do ROTC stuff. My ex was in ROTC and he barely had time for ROTC, he hated it cause they made him do so much crap.
The majority of guys I have dated while going to school did not like the fact I could not spend all my time with them.
Also, the number one problem I have seen in the military is spouses being mad about things that their spoouse needs to do. Such as training periods and going away, that sort of thing.
An ROTC scholarship is not worth messing up becuase your GF is complaining. Trust me, spouses take up more time than you think.
That is the only reason I would hold off. I would say wait a couple more years, cause opportunity's do not always come back. You think you have an infinite supply when you are young, but you don't. Don't blow this scholarship, love can wait 2 years.
You seem like you have your head on straight, love her and have plans set up to keep yourself financially stable. You actually sound more mature than a lot of people ten years older than you. While it is true that more marriages fail when the couple married young, I think there are exceptions to every rule. If it feels right, go for it, since living together is out of the question for you.
Best of luck to you both.
Seems to me like you have a great head on your shoulders. There are several people out there that are having babies at 16 and getting married is not even in their vocabulary. You keep doing what you are doing. The army is great but you really have to stay in long term to reap the full benefits. Make sure that you discuss this with your future wife. Sometimes, things change once she comes out and you all start living together. The fact that you all have not been physical to this point, says a lot about the both of you. Getting married at 21 is young but you should not be frowned upon if this is something that you are sure that you want to do. Your family should support you no matter what your decision is.
Advice please on Engagement pertaining to Sex before marriage!?
I have become engaged to my wonderful boyfriend just last week.We are both 29. I am a virgin and he has past relationships but I accepted that. I am quite a moderate conservative and he grew up in a liberal environment but share the same Asian roots that's why he said he respects and understands me. I know he loves me so much. Now: When we are planning when our wedding would be, I had the impression that he wants to make sure if I was really, truly in love with him! He is very affectionate and expressive. I tell him I love him but he sounded not too convinced everytime and want me to reassure him. I felt he wanted to feel ';bonded'; to me in the form of sex. I want to wait until marriage but it seems that there will be no wedding date yet until we don't make love. How do I handle this? Even if I wanted to save the best for last, but thinking that we are engaged does this warrant that we can make love because we are good as married due to the commitment? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!Advice please on Engagement pertaining to Sex before marriage!?
Boy, is he laying a line of crap on you. Lady, you are every man's dream. Hold on to what you have and if he really loves you he'll wait. Believe me, he will respect you more for not giving in to his horny, selfish attitude.Advice please on Engagement pertaining to Sex before marriage!?
If he won't marry you until you have sex with him, how can you trust him to honor his commitment and follow through with the marriage? Not to be crude, but haven't you heard the old joke about the difference between a cheap bottle of wine and a virgin is you can unscrew the wine? If maintaining your virginity until marriage is important to you and your fiancee has had a relationship with you in spite of no sexual activity up to now, why the requirement to have sex before you marry? If you are not suspicious of his motives, you should be.
go to las vegas, get married and let him have it.
go back home and have the planned marriage.
this way you will have sex and marriage.
what do you think.
you should stand with what you want and what you believe in. Tell him what you want and talk about it.
remember you took care of yourself (virginity) for 29 years and save it till the wedding night. It will be your loss if you do it and no wedding day will take place.
In everything you do think twice.
DONT ever commit the mistake of givin in before marriage...since u know this guy has been involved in previous relationship, did he marry any of them???? and an engagement doesnt guarantee a marriage does it??? so ask him to wait, tell him if he loves u he has to wait till he marries u, Once the wedding date is set...tell him its just few dayz and then u can go ahead without guilt and tension...in a few words DONT DO IT
HEY IM PROUD OF YOU FOR WAITING AND U SHOULD BE ALSO!!! IF ITS YOUR CONVITION TO WAIT TILL YOUR WEDDING NIGHT THEN GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS! IF HE REALLY DOES LOVE U HE WILL UNDERSTAND!
If he loves you he will respect your wishes on this. Do not do anything that you do not want to do with your whole being.
no giv him the one thing that you hold special for marriage. you can only incourage him by telling him its something that is just for him on that special night. if he wants it that bad then he can marry you at a court house and then you plan a wedding for a later date.
first i would like to say that i commend you for holding out so long! it shows that you respect yourself deeply. now you have to think about what YOU feel is the right thing to do with regards to sex before marriage. if it is something that you feel comfortable doing with him,before marriage and it would not compromise your beliefs, then do what makes YOU feel comfortable. but Dont let him give you ultimatums! (it sounds like he doesnt want to set a date until you have sex with him first) if thats the attitude he wants to take then you have more to think about: whether you want to marry a guy who wants to pressure you into something.
i understand his point of view though, you are both making a lifetime committment and he wants to be sure the sex is good before getting hitched. Sex can be a wonderful thing, with the right person, so dont take it lightly. if you do decide to have sex before marriage, its not a terrible thing... just do what makes YOU comfortable and dont compromise yourself for anyone! if he loves you, he will understand.. in the end you will make the right decision. good luck
If he really loves you like he says he does, he will wait for sex till you are married. I know this is old fashioned thinking in some peoples opinion, but I don't care!! There are times when old fashioned is better!!!!
If you have waited this long, continue doing so. This is obviously something that is very important to you and you don't want to compromise your morals. Also, you don't want to do anything you may regret later. Like asking yourself why you couldn't just wait... Don't let him convince you it's time. Make him respect you as a person. How long have you been together? If he's waited for you, what's another 6 months or year. But maybe try to throw in some very sensual time together. Like a massage, candles, dinner, snuggling....
Boy, is he laying a line of crap on you. Lady, you are every man's dream. Hold on to what you have and if he really loves you he'll wait. Believe me, he will respect you more for not giving in to his horny, selfish attitude.Advice please on Engagement pertaining to Sex before marriage!?
If he won't marry you until you have sex with him, how can you trust him to honor his commitment and follow through with the marriage? Not to be crude, but haven't you heard the old joke about the difference between a cheap bottle of wine and a virgin is you can unscrew the wine? If maintaining your virginity until marriage is important to you and your fiancee has had a relationship with you in spite of no sexual activity up to now, why the requirement to have sex before you marry? If you are not suspicious of his motives, you should be.
go to las vegas, get married and let him have it.
go back home and have the planned marriage.
this way you will have sex and marriage.
what do you think.
you should stand with what you want and what you believe in. Tell him what you want and talk about it.
remember you took care of yourself (virginity) for 29 years and save it till the wedding night. It will be your loss if you do it and no wedding day will take place.
In everything you do think twice.
DONT ever commit the mistake of givin in before marriage...since u know this guy has been involved in previous relationship, did he marry any of them???? and an engagement doesnt guarantee a marriage does it??? so ask him to wait, tell him if he loves u he has to wait till he marries u, Once the wedding date is set...tell him its just few dayz and then u can go ahead without guilt and tension...in a few words DONT DO IT
HEY IM PROUD OF YOU FOR WAITING AND U SHOULD BE ALSO!!! IF ITS YOUR CONVITION TO WAIT TILL YOUR WEDDING NIGHT THEN GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS! IF HE REALLY DOES LOVE U HE WILL UNDERSTAND!
If he loves you he will respect your wishes on this. Do not do anything that you do not want to do with your whole being.
no giv him the one thing that you hold special for marriage. you can only incourage him by telling him its something that is just for him on that special night. if he wants it that bad then he can marry you at a court house and then you plan a wedding for a later date.
first i would like to say that i commend you for holding out so long! it shows that you respect yourself deeply. now you have to think about what YOU feel is the right thing to do with regards to sex before marriage. if it is something that you feel comfortable doing with him,before marriage and it would not compromise your beliefs, then do what makes YOU feel comfortable. but Dont let him give you ultimatums! (it sounds like he doesnt want to set a date until you have sex with him first) if thats the attitude he wants to take then you have more to think about: whether you want to marry a guy who wants to pressure you into something.
i understand his point of view though, you are both making a lifetime committment and he wants to be sure the sex is good before getting hitched. Sex can be a wonderful thing, with the right person, so dont take it lightly. if you do decide to have sex before marriage, its not a terrible thing... just do what makes YOU comfortable and dont compromise yourself for anyone! if he loves you, he will understand.. in the end you will make the right decision. good luck
If he really loves you like he says he does, he will wait for sex till you are married. I know this is old fashioned thinking in some peoples opinion, but I don't care!! There are times when old fashioned is better!!!!
If you have waited this long, continue doing so. This is obviously something that is very important to you and you don't want to compromise your morals. Also, you don't want to do anything you may regret later. Like asking yourself why you couldn't just wait... Don't let him convince you it's time. Make him respect you as a person. How long have you been together? If he's waited for you, what's another 6 months or year. But maybe try to throw in some very sensual time together. Like a massage, candles, dinner, snuggling....
Advice on my marriage?
Talk to your husband about it instead of us :)Advice on my marriage?
Sure--what sort of advice do you need? I've been through a lot with my marriage and am always willing to lend some advice. Marriage is rough. Not just because of what you have to around the house and balancing jobs and family, but also because you have to give up parts of yourself in order to have a good marriage, but you cannot give up too much of yourself or else you're no longer in a healthy relationship. There is so much balancing striking to manage, it's ridiculous! It makes you sometimes want to run away screaming, wishing to be single. But at the end of the day, you still love the person you married. *sigh*Advice on my marriage?
two books i would recommend
';getting the love you want'; and
Nonviolent communication - a language of love
also i recommend tantra
use these t echniques and it will improve any marriage
what do u want the advice about? R u married? Do u want to get married? R u having problems in ur marriage? What are they?THis q is very vague. thanks for the points though.
Well jojo........I don't know if there is because we have no idea what your marriage is like......remember they are human also and will make mistakes.
what is the problem that you need advise on?
Be honest, open, trusting, and loving.
we need to know whats wrong...But before you do anyting stupid..just think if you really want to do it and you LOVE HIM..
be honest
Sure--what sort of advice do you need? I've been through a lot with my marriage and am always willing to lend some advice. Marriage is rough. Not just because of what you have to around the house and balancing jobs and family, but also because you have to give up parts of yourself in order to have a good marriage, but you cannot give up too much of yourself or else you're no longer in a healthy relationship. There is so much balancing striking to manage, it's ridiculous! It makes you sometimes want to run away screaming, wishing to be single. But at the end of the day, you still love the person you married. *sigh*Advice on my marriage?
two books i would recommend
';getting the love you want'; and
Nonviolent communication - a language of love
also i recommend tantra
use these t echniques and it will improve any marriage
what do u want the advice about? R u married? Do u want to get married? R u having problems in ur marriage? What are they?THis q is very vague. thanks for the points though.
Well jojo........I don't know if there is because we have no idea what your marriage is like......remember they are human also and will make mistakes.
what is the problem that you need advise on?
Be honest, open, trusting, and loving.
we need to know whats wrong...But before you do anyting stupid..just think if you really want to do it and you LOVE HIM..
be honest
Marriage Advice - Is my husband thinking about cheating on me/leaving me?
My husband %26amp; I have been 2gether for 5 years, married for 2. We have 3 kids, 4, 3 %26amp; 18 mos. We have always had a decent relationship %26amp; he has never complained about r sex life b4. We have a lot of stress right now, the kids, we r building a new house... I also have a med condition which I recently had surgery 4, so I haven't been feeling the best lately, I ended up getting an infection from my surgery... The med condition that I have also makes sex painful. I would say that we have sex 2-3 x's a week. My husband acts like I am making up the fact that I don't feel well %26amp; doesn't ever take care of me or help out around the house, so I am left to take care of the kids, myself %26amp; the house %26amp; it is ehxausting! Especially since I have had the infection, I have just been wiped out. So I basically crawl into bed every night %26amp; fall asleep. He is upset that I don't approach him to have sex, I am upset that he seems to care less how I feel %26amp; sex is the last thing I want to do with himMarriage Advice - Is my husband thinking about cheating on me/leaving me?
i think u need to sit down him down and have serious talk about what ur feeling, and to know what he is really feeling.Marriage Advice - Is my husband thinking about cheating on me/leaving me?
Schedule another doctor's visit and take your husband with you. The doctor will see you with your husband present if you wish and then you should raise all your health issues, including the painful sex. If he hears straight from the horse's mouth about your prognosis and recovery perhaps your husband will be more helpful and thoughtful toward you.
If not, consider counseling.
Ultimately it is your body. I wouldn't have sex if it hurt and you shouldn't either. I don't see how your husband could possibly enjoy the sex if you are wincing or crying out in pain. Makes him sound like a jerk or a sadist. Assert yourself! Just say NO until you recover. Solict help from relatives with the children or ignore the housework except for essentials like cooking for the children and keeping the kitchen and bathrooms clean for sanitation's sake. Everything else can wait until you recover.
talk to him, explain your feelings. dont be suprised if he clams up though, thats how we guys are, but he is listening. He may be getting the 7 year itch a little early. 2-3 times a week is pretty good though. especially with three kids around. do you keep it interesting or just blaaa?
It is presumptuous to think he is already cheating...the moment he stops asking, then probably you'd be more concerned. He might feel the same way about you---that you changed! Both of you are going through a stressful time, so ';thoughts'; like this is expected. You really need to talk. If he agrees to it, you can even take him to a doctor with you and let the doctor explain what you are going through and expected to go through. Most importantly, ';reassure'; him that it's got nothing to do with him and that you'll make it up to him once you feel better. Well, at times when you're not so tired, what about giving him a mouth job, if nothing else? Good luck! Get well...
I don't think that he is going to cheat on your or leave you. I just think that he feels very frustrated. Before your surgery he was used to having sex a lot more than he is now. You just need to explain to him that if he is supportive and helps you out that you will be able to have sex a lot sooner than if you dint have the proper time to heal! Let him know that you do want to be intimate but your body can't until it heals, I am sure that he will help you out then, and be a little bit more understanding!
to bad for him he must understand your situation and try to work things out for u and him maybe he's going through something too and he does not know how to tell u ,he might not like to see his wife in pain all i know is to talk to him and see where it goes.
that sounds terrible. the last thing you need is a complaint about the sex life. And honestly, I don't know why he is complaining about having sex 2-3 times a week. considering you have 3 kids, are sick, building a house etc, that is a lot. that is actually a decent amount for any normal couple with out those stresses. I am newly married, young, and we are just in school, have an apartment to our selves, and I am complaining that we only have sex once a week if I'm lucky, and nothing is even wrong with us, we just don't find the time.
My guess is that he is probably being selfish because he is stressed with the new house and your sickness. You would be a better judge than we would of his character. Is he acting strange other than that? are you still communicating well? I would recomend having a good talk with him. Ask him what is upsetting HIM lately, make it about him first so that he feels you care about how he is feeling. if he feels neglected or stressed. THEN tell him about yourself and how you feel.. it will likely work better if you aren't on the offence.
good luck, really hopw it works out for you.
I don't know if he's thinking of cheating, but he's obviously being very selfish. You need to explain to him very clearly and simply that you are not feeling good and why. If he doesn't seem to understand ask him how often he'd want sex if he got punched the balls every time he gave a thrust? Maybe he'll understand a bit.
I wish you luck.
I don't think he's thinking about leaving you, or even cheating on you. I do think that he is feeling neglected and probably a little frustrated sexually, not unusual becauses many men just do not understand things that don't directly focus on them. You could try explaining it to him again, but I doubt that would work. Try getting him to come to your next MD appointment with you %26amp; let the doctor explain your situation to him. Then he just might begin to understand. It is frustrating for you that he doesn't get it, but men just don't communicate the way we women do. If this doesn't work, you just might need to see a counselor to work this out before it does become a bigger problem.
You really need to sit him down and talk. Sex 2-3 times a week is good considering the other factors in your life. Maybe see if someone can take the kids for a week-end and get some alone time with hubby. Wait until you feel totally recovered from the infection. You are probably run down and need a rest.
This complaint dogs every marriage with children. Consider it the turbulence a jet experiences going through the sound barrier. Every man has a difficult time realizing he has sworn to only have sex with ONE woman and that woman is telling him NO for apparently a long time. This broke up my first marriage because I wasn't mature enough to deal with it. To me it seemed like one big bait and switch. My wife got what she wanted -- big house, kids, stay at home situation. What did I get? Bills, all the responsibility for earning the money, and my Johnson in my hand. It creates resentment in bushels.
Now, if you survive this time, good for you. It can get better again.
But odds are from what you're saying about your ex, he is not one of those guys who will happily give you some room.
I would not bet on your marriage lasting the decade. Sorry, but that's how I see it.
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No,but i seriously think that you two need to get a baby sitter and go somewhere and talk,you both are under a lot of stress,and you two have a lot going on.
Why are some men like this? That annoys me. I don't have an answer to your question ... and I doubt anyone else does ... but I can say this. Take care of YOU. You have an infection that needs to be taken care of. You need time to heal. Sex would be the absolute LAST thing on my mind at this time. Some people are selfish and don't care. They only want what they want. I'd take care of me, my kids and the house last ... in this situation, you'll have to demand and take the respect you deserve.
Good luck!
Communicate. Your husband loves you and the closeness you used to share. You need to get your infection figured out so you can get things back to normal sexually. How long can it go on? You need to talk to him about deadline and supporting you through this issue. Talk to your doctor about remedies to solve the painful sex. Or at least give him a BJ. It is not fair for your husband to have to accept this change. You need to meet him in the middle a little.
I've had a affair with a married man for 2 years from the summer of 2005 to January 2007 until his wife / cops / court found out and he STILL wanted to be with me but I moved 1,000 miles away from him and he can NOT located me.... DO NOT BE INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN! He promise me EVERYTHING and that he would leave his wife for me but he didn't and he was only usinng me for s**.
I'm 22 and he is 56. He has been married to his 2nd wife of 22 years and has 1 boy and one who with needs.
1st spouses should always give into sex. BUT you have a medical condition so its different I would hire a maid/nanny
to help out short term. I know you may not like the expense
but it will save the marriage. Take it out of your 401k or your
home equity line on the house. Good Luck !!!!!!!
I don't think he's thinking of leaving you or cheating on you unless you left out some details to your story. You do however need to talk to him about your feelings. He needs to know how devastating you are feeling from taking care of the kids, the house and about your medical issues. If he truly loves you, he'll understand and offer to help you more. Plus he's getting it 2 or 3 times a week so he's not sex starved, also why can't he approach you about sex?elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
i think u need to sit down him down and have serious talk about what ur feeling, and to know what he is really feeling.Marriage Advice - Is my husband thinking about cheating on me/leaving me?
Schedule another doctor's visit and take your husband with you. The doctor will see you with your husband present if you wish and then you should raise all your health issues, including the painful sex. If he hears straight from the horse's mouth about your prognosis and recovery perhaps your husband will be more helpful and thoughtful toward you.
If not, consider counseling.
Ultimately it is your body. I wouldn't have sex if it hurt and you shouldn't either. I don't see how your husband could possibly enjoy the sex if you are wincing or crying out in pain. Makes him sound like a jerk or a sadist. Assert yourself! Just say NO until you recover. Solict help from relatives with the children or ignore the housework except for essentials like cooking for the children and keeping the kitchen and bathrooms clean for sanitation's sake. Everything else can wait until you recover.
talk to him, explain your feelings. dont be suprised if he clams up though, thats how we guys are, but he is listening. He may be getting the 7 year itch a little early. 2-3 times a week is pretty good though. especially with three kids around. do you keep it interesting or just blaaa?
It is presumptuous to think he is already cheating...the moment he stops asking, then probably you'd be more concerned. He might feel the same way about you---that you changed! Both of you are going through a stressful time, so ';thoughts'; like this is expected. You really need to talk. If he agrees to it, you can even take him to a doctor with you and let the doctor explain what you are going through and expected to go through. Most importantly, ';reassure'; him that it's got nothing to do with him and that you'll make it up to him once you feel better. Well, at times when you're not so tired, what about giving him a mouth job, if nothing else? Good luck! Get well...
I don't think that he is going to cheat on your or leave you. I just think that he feels very frustrated. Before your surgery he was used to having sex a lot more than he is now. You just need to explain to him that if he is supportive and helps you out that you will be able to have sex a lot sooner than if you dint have the proper time to heal! Let him know that you do want to be intimate but your body can't until it heals, I am sure that he will help you out then, and be a little bit more understanding!
to bad for him he must understand your situation and try to work things out for u and him maybe he's going through something too and he does not know how to tell u ,he might not like to see his wife in pain all i know is to talk to him and see where it goes.
that sounds terrible. the last thing you need is a complaint about the sex life. And honestly, I don't know why he is complaining about having sex 2-3 times a week. considering you have 3 kids, are sick, building a house etc, that is a lot. that is actually a decent amount for any normal couple with out those stresses. I am newly married, young, and we are just in school, have an apartment to our selves, and I am complaining that we only have sex once a week if I'm lucky, and nothing is even wrong with us, we just don't find the time.
My guess is that he is probably being selfish because he is stressed with the new house and your sickness. You would be a better judge than we would of his character. Is he acting strange other than that? are you still communicating well? I would recomend having a good talk with him. Ask him what is upsetting HIM lately, make it about him first so that he feels you care about how he is feeling. if he feels neglected or stressed. THEN tell him about yourself and how you feel.. it will likely work better if you aren't on the offence.
good luck, really hopw it works out for you.
I don't know if he's thinking of cheating, but he's obviously being very selfish. You need to explain to him very clearly and simply that you are not feeling good and why. If he doesn't seem to understand ask him how often he'd want sex if he got punched the balls every time he gave a thrust? Maybe he'll understand a bit.
I wish you luck.
I don't think he's thinking about leaving you, or even cheating on you. I do think that he is feeling neglected and probably a little frustrated sexually, not unusual becauses many men just do not understand things that don't directly focus on them. You could try explaining it to him again, but I doubt that would work. Try getting him to come to your next MD appointment with you %26amp; let the doctor explain your situation to him. Then he just might begin to understand. It is frustrating for you that he doesn't get it, but men just don't communicate the way we women do. If this doesn't work, you just might need to see a counselor to work this out before it does become a bigger problem.
You really need to sit him down and talk. Sex 2-3 times a week is good considering the other factors in your life. Maybe see if someone can take the kids for a week-end and get some alone time with hubby. Wait until you feel totally recovered from the infection. You are probably run down and need a rest.
This complaint dogs every marriage with children. Consider it the turbulence a jet experiences going through the sound barrier. Every man has a difficult time realizing he has sworn to only have sex with ONE woman and that woman is telling him NO for apparently a long time. This broke up my first marriage because I wasn't mature enough to deal with it. To me it seemed like one big bait and switch. My wife got what she wanted -- big house, kids, stay at home situation. What did I get? Bills, all the responsibility for earning the money, and my Johnson in my hand. It creates resentment in bushels.
Now, if you survive this time, good for you. It can get better again.
But odds are from what you're saying about your ex, he is not one of those guys who will happily give you some room.
I would not bet on your marriage lasting the decade. Sorry, but that's how I see it.
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No,but i seriously think that you two need to get a baby sitter and go somewhere and talk,you both are under a lot of stress,and you two have a lot going on.
Why are some men like this? That annoys me. I don't have an answer to your question ... and I doubt anyone else does ... but I can say this. Take care of YOU. You have an infection that needs to be taken care of. You need time to heal. Sex would be the absolute LAST thing on my mind at this time. Some people are selfish and don't care. They only want what they want. I'd take care of me, my kids and the house last ... in this situation, you'll have to demand and take the respect you deserve.
Good luck!
Communicate. Your husband loves you and the closeness you used to share. You need to get your infection figured out so you can get things back to normal sexually. How long can it go on? You need to talk to him about deadline and supporting you through this issue. Talk to your doctor about remedies to solve the painful sex. Or at least give him a BJ. It is not fair for your husband to have to accept this change. You need to meet him in the middle a little.
I've had a affair with a married man for 2 years from the summer of 2005 to January 2007 until his wife / cops / court found out and he STILL wanted to be with me but I moved 1,000 miles away from him and he can NOT located me.... DO NOT BE INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED MAN! He promise me EVERYTHING and that he would leave his wife for me but he didn't and he was only usinng me for s**.
I'm 22 and he is 56. He has been married to his 2nd wife of 22 years and has 1 boy and one who with needs.
1st spouses should always give into sex. BUT you have a medical condition so its different I would hire a maid/nanny
to help out short term. I know you may not like the expense
but it will save the marriage. Take it out of your 401k or your
home equity line on the house. Good Luck !!!!!!!
I don't think he's thinking of leaving you or cheating on you unless you left out some details to your story. You do however need to talk to him about your feelings. He needs to know how devastating you are feeling from taking care of the kids, the house and about your medical issues. If he truly loves you, he'll understand and offer to help you more. Plus he's getting it 2 or 3 times a week so he's not sex starved, also why can't he approach you about sex?
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