Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?

My husband and I have been together 4 years, married only one. After we got married everything changed. After being married one month his business suffered major loss so I loaned him several thousand dollars which he promised to pay back and he hasn't yet. He also layed out of work for eight months and hasn't helped me with hardly any bills.Marriage is hard enough as it is. He is very secretive and doesn't let me do anything. I love him for the person he used to be and know it is in my best interest to leave but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road. What should I do? I can't keep sane and live like this.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
We have similar stories. We had a much shorter courtship than you, but the money started going out the window sooner. I too loved him for who he was when we met, and went through nearly $300K trying to make him happy %26amp; see that person again. I never considered any of it a loan though, just foolishness on my part. I spent our entire marraige supporting him financially (even though he worked, he rarely had enough money to contribute to the household) and emotionally, and getting nothing in return. I kept telling myself that he was under a lot of stress since he had lost the business I put him in after a year. But on my end the financial strain I was under was overwhelming, yet I never got any support from him. He never helped around the house, and even taking out the garbage was always too much trouble, so I did everything. I worked, took care of the house, bills %26amp; children, cleaned %26amp; did laundry %26amp; all he ever did was complain every now %26amp; again that I wasn't doing a good enough job. His life consisted of getting out of bed, then playing on the computer til it was time to shower %26amp; go to work, and yet still I stayed. My husband was very secretive too. At the begining of our relationship, his life was an open book, but then I started catching him in lies %26amp; his passwords started to change. I found myself being suspicious of every move he made, and every word that came out of his mouth. I didn't even recognize the person I became as my sole purpose in life was trying to recapture that magic we had early on. It didn't happen, and the day came that I became angry %26amp; finally decided I'd had enough. I'm lonely, I'm scared %26amp; I don't doubt for a second that I made the right decision. He walked away from the relationship complaining that it wasn't fair that I got everything, even though he had nothing when he came to me and I'm now so buried in debt that I doubt I'll ever recover. But I'm looking ahead, and I know that my future will be more peaceful %26amp; secure without him. The decision is yours to make. Doors don't need to be locked and never opened again. If you feel like you need to leave now for your own good, then do it. No one says that you can't try to reconcile after time has gone by %26amp; you truly feel that you want to give it another shot. My hope is that after my husband sees the burden he's placed on me after having to support himself for a while, that maybe in the future we can have another chance. But for now, I'm doing what's best for me %26amp; my children. Just remember that resentment, like hate %26amp; jealousy is a poisonous emotion that will only harm you, not him.Help!!! I need advice for moving on from a bad marriage.?
Marriage equals committment from both of you not just you. Your husband needs to understand and address this. I would confront him about how you feel and if he is not motivated to change , you can have a break away maybe this would motivate him into sorting this out. You may feel like you have made a mistake down the road however the biggest risk is not taking any at all. If you dont act now you will continue in this misery. Only you can take the step to make a change. Take Care and wish you well.
I think a lot of the issue is you. You consider the money you gave your husband to be a loan. When your married your money is his and his is yours, so how can it be a loan? Why does he have to pay it back. His business suffered a major loss so that means your business suffered a major loss.





Did you remember the part where you said ';for better or for worse, in sickness and health';





Didn't your parents tell you when you get married everything is 50/50. When you get a divorce you will find out what 50/50 means.





It sounds like you have a business arrangement, like business partners, not a marriage.





By the way your husband is the same person you married 4 years ago. You just choose to ignore it then.
stick to your vows and work through your problems. communicate with him and perhaps try some sort of counseling. the Bible says ';a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two'; (Ecclesiastes 4:12) - put God in your marriage, slow down %26amp; try to work with your husband. he may likely be devastated because of the business loss %26amp; not being able to provide properly for his family. he may need your emotional support more than you think. but you won't know until you both are open %26amp; honest with each other.
Sounds to me like you married a sociopath. You don't love him for ';the person he used to be.'; You love him for *the person you THOUGHT he was*!!! An important difference. He was never that person. He was fooling you. Now he's using you to milk as much money out of you as he can. Get out as quickly as you can, and kiss the money you loaned him goodbye. Get your finances separated as quickly as you can, too.
You are married. Some where in there you said for better or worse. If you are married why are you ';loaning him money' what happen to joining everything together. Is money more important then your heart that you joined love and hearts but don't touch my money. You are the selfish one with the problem. He is goiing through hard times and it sounds like all you care about is your money and what am I going to do. You are a selfish self centered B*** and he does not deserve you
Just move on. We all make bad choices in life, but that doesn't mean we have to live with them. ';but part of me is afraid I will feel like I made a mistake down the road.'; ... better to face the mistake you are currently living with than to worry about one that may or may not occur later on in life.
If you are always focusing on finances, he has no choice but to be secretive.





Most of what is mentioned here is finances.





I could see moving on for adultery, but maybe you should have married your stock broker, and not a husband.
You are the only one who can advise yourself, sit down and draw a trial balance account of your marriage, look at the pros and cons, then make a decision.
If he isn't even trying to better the situation the marriage is doomed anyway so I would bounce if he shows the interest in making it work.
ALL THOSE ANSWERS ARE GREAT NOW REALLY WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WANT..


MAYBE COUNSELING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU
girl kick his *** to the curve.hes a free loader. as long as u continue to support his dead butt hes ganna walk over ya stand up for ur self now b4 its too late
I'm not sure why you plan to move on. It sounds like nothing has changed except that your husband had a business setback and now has been out of work. Do you think he plans to stay out of work? Is he looking for work? Because if he is, things like this happen in life. If he isn't, there's marriage counseling or just insisting. But someone losing a job isn't grounds for divorce, in my opinion. As for borrowing money from you - that makes no sense, sorry. You're married. Your assets are shared. That can hurt when one person doesn't manage money well, e.g. my ex, but still.





Edit: With the additional details you added, I agree with the person below - sounds like you married a sociopath or something like it, and, sadly, only figured it out after marriage. Which makes breaking up harder. I think the first thing to do is to find a clinical psychologist and get some counseling about it, or to simply consult a divorce attorney if you're sure that's what you want to do. I don't think it would hurt to give marriage counseling a shot for a couple of months, since it sounds like some of these problems could be solved if he SERIOUSLY worked on changing.
I almost didnt answer, but I think I should.





Hear me with care if you would....I dont mean this disrespectfully. How do you ';loan'; a spouse money? Once your married, its yours together, I thought? The mine and yours philosophy rarely works in marriage and that thought is a bit dangerous I think to the harmony of an intimate couple. Especially when it comes to money.





NOW, to your credit, you should tell him that you cant live like this and that things need to change. But remember, ';for better or worse'; doesnt mean ';until I get stressed out';. It means once a team, the team sticks it together.





I wouldnt want a spouse bailing on me when times got rough. Neither would you. BE HONEST with him. TELL him what you need. GIVE him the opportunity to show you.