What's your best advice on getting through a difficult year of marriage?

Married 5 years. 4rth year has been a tough one with loss of job and death of my husbands father. We also had a baby die from SIDS in our second year of marriage. I don't want to try to have another baby and get very upset when anyone suggests replacing the son that we lost. Husband wants to be a dad, but is also reluctant to try again. We are also now in our early 40's.





Now we're at the point where we know there's a bad problem in the marriage. We're fighting (about really small stupid insignificant things, like ';tone of voice'; and the right way to fold the towels etc) and we stay sad and depressed for days after one 10 minute fight. Even when we're getting along, my husband irritates me and I don't know if I love him but I care about him and know he's a good man and dont' want to lose him. We're saving up to go to counselling in a few months, but don't hold much hope for that, since the counsellor we saw after our baby died didn't help us at all. We dont' know what else to do. I know this will pass but how to get through it while I'm in the middle of it.What's your best advice on getting through a difficult year of marriage?
Most churches offer either free or low cost counseling so i would check with your church. Im so sorry to hear about your losses but they still live on within your hearts as they should. Contrary to what youve written, I see aot of love and fortitude between you two. Your marriage itself isnt in trouble,its just you two have reached a plateau in your life and dont know how to get over the top. You have so much love and respect and admiration for each other that this challenge is forcing you to take it out on each other. You two need to face the challenge of possibly wanting/having another child head on instead of trying to hide your feelings from one another, and I feel its this non action thats causing all the trouble here. Contact the church to get counseling as soon as you can and dont be afraid to take a chance again on God. Let the past die exept for the god memories and ask God for a better and new tomorrow. I suspect youre only a prayer away from turning your life around and I have real good strong feelings about yourfamily and things are going to change real soon. Believe! The funny part of this is Im not a very religious man but something or someone is actually telling me what to write here and have the strangest tingling feelings inside writing this and I dont know whyWhat's your best advice on getting through a difficult year of marriage?
It sounds like the only happy part of your marriage was the first year. I couldn't live in a relationship that was only 20% good. Do you see yourself happier coming home to him being there or not? You can't feel guilty if you'd just be happier on your own. Maybe it's what you need.
pray for wisdom,release from grieve and delieverance from depression.in the mean time treat your husband like a king and things will begin to change,if you are always doing/saying the right things he will catch on too and you will see a big difference in your marriage.
God I wish I knew sweetie!! I'm gonna keep watching your answers to see if I can get some help for myself though, if you don't mind. God knows I could use some!





I'm so sorry to hear about your baby though. That breaks my heart!!! God Bless You. I can only imagine what that must be like. I will pray for you. ^_^.





LIPPS.
One word, God. I'd really advise for you and your husband to watch that movie FireProof. The couple in the movie are going through some of the things that you two are. It really helped us, and gives you an insight on what will help.
I would just take one day at a time. All counselors are different and just because your last one didn't help doesn't mean that this one won't. Just be positive because that helps me.
Get with it!
The both of you fight about small issues, because a basic understanding of each other has been lost. Within five years of marriage you and your husband have been through so much, and it doesn't look like you give yourselves enough credit.





Why don't you two spend every night talking about what happened during the day. Take a genuine interest in him. I'm sure the both of you really want another child. There is no way, your first child could ever be replaced! People just say that because they think it will make you feel better. Every child is different.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your child. Wow, you've had overwhelming events happen to you in such a short amount of time. You're grieving over the loss of your child, a parent and a job. This is would be very difficult on any marriage regardless of how many years married. You need help for the both of you and your marriage. Please get more help and don't give up. Don't let the death of your marriage be another event for you to grieve over. Hold on tight to each other, you can get through this with some counseling. I wish you the best. :-)
You are very wise not to have a baby. A new baby will not save a struggling marriage, it might just be the final straw to end it. If you need to save for months to see a counselor, the financial stress of a new baby will really add to your misery.





My wife and I try to make time to walk the dogs for an hour at night. No cell phones allowed. And we find that walk is a nice time together we rarely fight when we walk. Or if you are both really fit, make it a run.
Marriage in general is tough. So all the way through your marriage there will be difficult situations. Losing a job is difficult because it can make your financial situation harder, but there are ways to help cut down your cost. If your husbands job can keep you all afloat then try not to stress so much on that, but continue to look for a job. I can not imagine losing a child. I'm sure it has been very difficult and traumatizing, but you can't let the loss of a child keep you from experiencing new life. You can never replace the child you loss. They will always be there, but you can have another child and enjoy all the great possibilities with your next child. It seems to me that you all are just finding whatever to fight about and you need to stop and realize that there is no reason to fight about the little things and if you do then laugh about it. Don't be depressed about it. I'm sure that you are still in love with your husband because of all the wonderful things you said about him especially you saying you don't want to lose him. Don't ever give up hope because if you give up hope then you have nothing to look forward to. It is never to late to have a child. Put your trust and faith in God. I am sure he will bless you with a wonderful child and a healthier marriage. Also remember when one of you is down the other has to be stronger for the both of you until you get out of your low point. You both can't be down at the same time. You need each other. Have faith. God Bless
I'm so sorry for everything you have been through. I think the counselling is a good idea even though you aren't certain it will help. It can't hurt. I know I would need some help to get through everything you've endured. You are both hurting right now and its easy for that to become anger and take it out on each other. I hope you get through this rough patch very soon! Good luck to you and your husband.
I am very sorry to hear of all your loss. I can understand why you would be reluctant to try again. First know that you can NEVER replace the child you lost. If you want a family and want to be parents there are other options such as adoption. I don't know if that would work for you but I can relate to the age and not having any children yet. Most people are constantly asking if we are planning on children and find it odd we are married 4+ years and do not have any children at this time.





As far as the counselor goes you need to find a right fit. Both you and your husband are dealing with 2 losses. A child is the hardest thing to deal with as we all are condition to deal with a death of a parent. I feel you will get through this together. It's common to pick on the little things that annoy each of you as I feel you are both avoiding the real issues.





If you do not have the money for counseling I would suggest if you belong to a church to speak to a member of the clergy as that is free.





Good luck
It would be difficult for any marriage to withstand the strain yours has been put through this year. But you should be drawing strength from each other rather than pushing each other away. May I suggest that you turn to your faith. You need the help and strength that faith can bring you. Go speak to a minister in your area and get his help. They have counseling experience too and they are free.





As to having children. You are still young enough to have a healthy birth. This could be the answer to your prayers. Take your husband with you to a doctors appointment and the two of you discuss your fears with the doctor. If that fails, adoption is such a loving choice. Don't for one moment think that the love of an adopted child is any different than the love of a natural child. Love grows stronger over time with a natural child as well as and adopted child. Find an adotion support group in your area and go speak to them.





Good luck and remember, if you can get through this, you can get through any thing.


Red
You can only control yourself and hope that he will learn by your example. If you feel you two are on the verge of an argument, fight it. If you need to just walk away and cool off, then do it. There's no need to fight over something so petty as folding towels, but I know that during times of extreme frustration, anything and everything can push you past your limit. Just try your hardest to avoid these insignificant confrontations with your husband. They are only causing a bigger rift in your relationship, and you also want to avoid saying hurtful things that can't be taken back. That's all that you can do, and hope that you set an example for him.