I don't know what to say. I love him. I know he loves me. But why in the world people do that?When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Because statistically you will get divorced and maybe he has some heirlooms he wants to keep in the family.When i talked to my boyfriend about marriage he told me to sign on Prenuptial agreement. Give me some advice.?
Do you have insurance on your automobile? It's the same thing.
prenups make sense, I don't know why anybody would get married without one. He loves you, he's just being smart. I mean, nobody gets married thinking they will divorce, but, statistically, about half of people do anyways. This is a painless way to save a lot of loss and heartache down the line if you fall into the unfortunate half. Don't think of it as him doubting you, think of it as a meaningless exercise that won't matter or affect you in any way, if your relationship is as solid as you believe it to be.
Because you should protect your assets and your future assets. I made my husband sign one. It made us be practical and determine each other's financial state as well as habits.
Get your own attorney for this.
If he is rich he needs to protect his assets, just sign it and forget it.
I have been married for almost 20 years and neither one of us ever signed a prenup.
I find them to be totally useless.
What is mine is his and vice versus. That was the plan on being married for life. I do not plan on leaving him nor him me.
I think they are only for people who have doubts in their marriage
my opinion
A PRENUP IS THERE TO SET U UP FOR NOTHING PERIOD IF YOU GET DIVORCED THERE GOES EVERYTHING BECAUSE U SIGNED IT OVER TO HIM DO NOT DO THAT U R STUPID IF U DO THATS HIS WAY OF FINALIZING THE DIVORCE SHOULD IT HAPPEN THAT WAY U GET NOTHING IN THE END SO U ARE SCREWING URSELF IF U GIVE EVERYTHING TO HIM U HAVE NOTHING GET IT????????????????
Why would you NOT want to sign one. Face it, in this world a lot of marriages fail, and if yours does, a prenup will protect your assets and keep him from taking you to the cleaners.
In this day and age marriage does not set your relationship in stone. It should, but it doesn't. All too often, one or the other loses track of why they married in the first place. A lot of people protect themselves from this dilemma with a prenuptial agreement. Personally, whatever is mine is hers and whatever is hers is hers. I think that's they way it goes! There is nothing that can be taken from me materialistically that I cannot replace. My heart will mend.
Is your boyfriend wealthy?
A wealthy person may want a Prenup to protect his wealth from a gold digger.
If he is not wealthy, then ask why he wants the prenup.
The conditions may be enough that you can agree to them, if not then don't sign.
Make sure the conditions are fair for you too.
Maybe you should have him sign a prenup too.
to protect their assets they have in the start of a marriage.
My fiance, and are signing one. Now a days it's the smart thing to do. $hit happens, and I know I want to feel secure knowing things will be split equally without any bitching. Whats mine is mine, and whats his is his. It's seems fair enough to me.
Because that protects all his assets and everything he worked hard to get before meeting you. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like someone else to be entitled to what you worked so hard to achieve? And be realistic,...marriages dont work out now adays so he is just protecting what is his incase **** hits the fan. If you love really do love him why would you object to it?
I would sign it. I also would put a time limit on it. Voided after 8 years. Go ahead this is your time to put a few things in there yourself. Like if he cheats, you get 75% of everything he owns! lol This is the perfect time to stand up and have a great money argument before you are married! lol Get a backbone though and don't accept anything you don't want. He might be going into this with more money however, your heart is worth alot too. So if he wants to marry you and you are taking a risk with your heart. Think about how much money it would take your heart to feel better after a drawn out bitter divorce where he leaves you for a 21 year old that looks like Miss America. lol It would be alot of money if he wants me. I think it is a bit presumputious to be honest, what if you go and make a killing in your life, or win the lotto. You are a catch and if he wants a prenup use your brain at this moment not your heart he sure is...
It is so sad that people these days have to be already thinking of divorce before even getting married. He is one of those guys and there is little you can do about it. Even if you could talk him out of it he will always feel nervous and uncomfortable about it.
I don't know - I suppose some people just feel better about it. You can't blame them in a way with all the divorces out there.. Here is what I would suggest - make an appointment with an attorney and go there with your boyfriend and discuss w/ the attorney what assets are there and what needs protection, etc... A lot of times people realize after such a meeting that a pre-nup may not be that important or even worth it -or they may realize they realy want it - Either way it will impress him that you are taking him serious - that you would still want to marry him and you guys can make that decision together...?!
It starts the marriage out with YOUR and MINE. The path of life is too narrow not to walk as one. This is your first clue of his selfishness.
Because they are intelligent. We would all like to think that marriage will last forever but the reality is that very few do. Just make sure that you have a lawyer look over for your interests as well, don't just sign whatever he gives you. Also, you shouldn't be offended at all, he most likely loves you as much as you do him, he's just being careful. If nothing else, do it to make him feel better.
You don't just ';sign'; a prenuptial agreement. You first hire an attorney who advises you before you sign it. But, people have other people sign agreements to protect their assets in the event of divorce. My guess, is your boyfriend doesn't have any assets to protect---he's just being an ***.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
Here is the thing ever since I was younger I have always cared about how I look but no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly,fat and nobody would ever want me. i am now grown married and have kids and have nothing to do with her. But my problem is that I dont know how to control my feelings on my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him. I am not a model I had kids but I dress nice and how I important to me. I am healthy nice looking but he makes me feel ugly and not good enough. We will be doing fine then all of a sudden he ruins it by making remarks about another womans body etc. I dont want to know his thoughts. It really hurts when the man you love makes you feel bad about yourself I cry alot and my daughter sees it and she cries. i cant help it. All my life I have felt like I am not good enough my momNeed some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
baby you're good. Anybody w/ beautiful green eyes ought to be loved by her man. Tell him how it hurts you. Tell him his words feel like stab wounds and he is ruining his marriage. It's not you. It's him. He's not treating you right. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make love to him if he treats you this way. It's very rude for a man to comment about other women to his wife. You are good enough. Moms are all good enough. They do so much. You have alot to be proud of. Don't let his insenstivity get you down. You'vd had his children. That should make you extremely hot in his eyes.
You need to tell him you two need to talk to someone b/f it's too late. Both of you together. Bring up the verbal abuse to the counsellor so it can be dealt with.Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
So basically your husband has taken on the role of your mother in regards to your self-esteem, putting you down, etc.
::my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him.
His behavior is inappropriate. He's being disrespectful to you and to the women he's gawking at.
If he won't go to cousneling with you, go on your own for a boost to you self-esteem. My guess is when you feel good about yourself either 1) you'll kick him to the curb or 2) he's then what he has in you, because you will glow.
Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langauges, Gary Chapman
Relatioship Rescue, Dr Phil
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
My best to you.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Sometimes those whom you love the most hurt you the most. The important thing is - how do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Don't let the other person ruins your life.
A professional counselor is needed if you want to keep this marriage. You both need to do this ASAP if you love each other. Hug.
If he were any kind of man, he would never say such things. Have you talked to him abou this? Does he know how he makes you feel?
If you have, and he does, what are his responses?
I think you husband is being nothing but disrespectful of you and also your kids. If your kids se that it is alright to disrespect another person, how are they going to act when they grow up?
You need to put a foot down and speak your mind. If he cannot abide by a simple rule of not disrespecting you, then I think you may have a deeper problem here.
Good luck
You realize, don't you, that you married your mother? You picked a man who treated you exactly the way she did.
Your mom: no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly, fat and nobody would ever want me.
Your husband: he is constantly criticizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is.
You need some therapy- you're just repeating the same old patterns and your daughter will ultimately suffer.
He married you did'nt he so therefore something attracted him to you and now there are kids. What he is doing is belittling you and that is wrong. Don't hide your feeling and tell him that you love him and his flirting with obscene remarks have to stop and show you some appreciation or else you will leave him. Being the wife you deserve respect. Tell him that you respect him being your king and you are the queen but lots of layman out there would love to have his queen. Go out to a candlelight dinner and discuss the situation and make everyone happy in the home. Put love back in action.
Violet has got it right, you did marry your mother and you do need therapy. You are going to destroy your own children's lives if you don't seek help for your problem. You will continue to pick bad relationships until you get over your issues. Seek help now.
We are all beautifully when we smile! Put an end to this, he is stripping you from your dignity, your pride and your self-identity as a woman. Soon he may be starting the cycle with your daughter. Don`t try to understand why he does that, you will not cure him from it anyway. If you want to raise a young lady full of confidence in herself you`re not in the right home.
you know what? you do not need him! there is absolutly no reason why YOUR HUSBAND puts you down like that. of all people you hold close to your heart. let me tell you something, you dont need to change a thing about yourself, as long as you're comfortable being you and your kids love you, that's all that matters. if i were you, if your husband wants to look at other women and flirt with them, let him. tell him, if that's what he wants, go get it, but once that doesnt work out for him, there's no coming back. you dont deserve this ungreatful treatment he's been giving you.
tell you what. here's a little bit of advise. you say you have a bit of a belly. why dont you try working on loosing that, treat yourself out to get your hair and nails done, go buy yourself a new outfit (shoes usually help me) and start feeling good about yourself. make it all about you for a change, dont be there for him and wait on him hand and foot, (b/c he expects that) then maybe after awhile he'll come to realize you are the only one for him and he should learn to appriciate you alot more than what he has. i wish you the best of luck. and just remember, you deserve better.
Tough question to answer but things are not always as they appear. With a history of insecurity there is no doubt you feel this way. Finding a way to deal with this is challenging but can be achieved. Do some reading, self help books are great and surrounding yourself with positive affirmantions is a great help also. If it helps my husband often looks at other women and does indeed comment about them, I too used to worry but now I just laugh and remind him that his is an old man and that woman would not want him anyway and he is stuck with little old me, or he might light to go and give it a go but don't come crying to me when she laughs. I know it all sounds so simple but it took me along time to get to this, and now I find myself looking and commenting on younger, lovelier men and commenting to hubby. Believe it or not this can be an advantage to married life and keep the excitment up. There is much more I could offer but would be here all day. I wish you luck. Just one more thing, love and respect you, the rest will follow.
SISTER TO SISTER, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... IT IS OKAY THAT YOUR HUSBAND LOOK @ OTHER WOMEN JUST ALONG AS HE KNOW THAT YOU IS QUEEN ***** AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT YOU COME FIRST.. THE NEXT TIME HE SAY THAT YOU SAY DAMN SHE SAID THE SAMETHING TO ME AND WALK AWAY.. (LOL) IF YOU DO THIS HIT ME BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT IT OKAY.. bugg007us@yahoo.com..
Gawking at other women is disrespectful. So is gawking at other men (in your case if you do this to your mate).
Fire a warning shot or two across his bow: ';Hey you! I'm standing right here, and I see you gawking at that woman, and I find it highly disrespectful';.
See if that helps, but... the time to have given him a chance or two to correct this was before you married him.
Based on additional info: whether or not you did anything to earn this disrespect, it can't continue. You must be prepared to leave him.
That's called emotional and psychological abuse, sweetheart, and you deserve someone who WON'T do that to you!
He isn't even worth your time!!
Get out, leave the jerk.
My fiance makes remarks about women too, and even gets a hard on watching Nip/Tuck but wont have sex with me.
I honestly don't know, maybe we both need a better significant other, but I sure don't feel like leaving mine, so maybe you're in the same boat and know the real answer to your question but don't want to accept it.
On the other hand, if you're bothered by it and he threatens to leave you if you don't just accept it, and what you want to do is save your marriage? Seems simple enough - hold in everything you ever feel and don't speak your mind. Then at least one of the people in the relationship will be happy, it just wont be you :(
See a counsellor, and get some help -- it should help you deal with your situation, and deal with the emotional abuse.
baby you're good. Anybody w/ beautiful green eyes ought to be loved by her man. Tell him how it hurts you. Tell him his words feel like stab wounds and he is ruining his marriage. It's not you. It's him. He's not treating you right. Don't let it get to your head. Don't make love to him if he treats you this way. It's very rude for a man to comment about other women to his wife. You are good enough. Moms are all good enough. They do so much. You have alot to be proud of. Don't let his insenstivity get you down. You'vd had his children. That should make you extremely hot in his eyes.
You need to tell him you two need to talk to someone b/f it's too late. Both of you together. Bring up the verbal abuse to the counsellor so it can be dealt with.Need some advice before my marriage is over because of issues have w/ husband on looking @other women?
So basically your husband has taken on the role of your mother in regards to your self-esteem, putting you down, etc.
::my husband looking at other women constantly. Yeah yeah I know look but dont touch but he puts me down. He is constantly critisizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is and how she wants him.
His behavior is inappropriate. He's being disrespectful to you and to the women he's gawking at.
If he won't go to cousneling with you, go on your own for a boost to you self-esteem. My guess is when you feel good about yourself either 1) you'll kick him to the curb or 2) he's then what he has in you, because you will glow.
Reading material to consider:
Five Love Langauges, Gary Chapman
Relatioship Rescue, Dr Phil
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
My best to you.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Sometimes those whom you love the most hurt you the most. The important thing is - how do you see yourself? Do you love yourself? Don't let the other person ruins your life.
A professional counselor is needed if you want to keep this marriage. You both need to do this ASAP if you love each other. Hug.
If he were any kind of man, he would never say such things. Have you talked to him abou this? Does he know how he makes you feel?
If you have, and he does, what are his responses?
I think you husband is being nothing but disrespectful of you and also your kids. If your kids se that it is alright to disrespect another person, how are they going to act when they grow up?
You need to put a foot down and speak your mind. If he cannot abide by a simple rule of not disrespecting you, then I think you may have a deeper problem here.
Good luck
You realize, don't you, that you married your mother? You picked a man who treated you exactly the way she did.
Your mom: no matter what I did my mom always said I was ugly, fat and nobody would ever want me.
Your husband: he is constantly criticizing me about how I look or telling me how hot another girl is.
You need some therapy- you're just repeating the same old patterns and your daughter will ultimately suffer.
He married you did'nt he so therefore something attracted him to you and now there are kids. What he is doing is belittling you and that is wrong. Don't hide your feeling and tell him that you love him and his flirting with obscene remarks have to stop and show you some appreciation or else you will leave him. Being the wife you deserve respect. Tell him that you respect him being your king and you are the queen but lots of layman out there would love to have his queen. Go out to a candlelight dinner and discuss the situation and make everyone happy in the home. Put love back in action.
Violet has got it right, you did marry your mother and you do need therapy. You are going to destroy your own children's lives if you don't seek help for your problem. You will continue to pick bad relationships until you get over your issues. Seek help now.
We are all beautifully when we smile! Put an end to this, he is stripping you from your dignity, your pride and your self-identity as a woman. Soon he may be starting the cycle with your daughter. Don`t try to understand why he does that, you will not cure him from it anyway. If you want to raise a young lady full of confidence in herself you`re not in the right home.
you know what? you do not need him! there is absolutly no reason why YOUR HUSBAND puts you down like that. of all people you hold close to your heart. let me tell you something, you dont need to change a thing about yourself, as long as you're comfortable being you and your kids love you, that's all that matters. if i were you, if your husband wants to look at other women and flirt with them, let him. tell him, if that's what he wants, go get it, but once that doesnt work out for him, there's no coming back. you dont deserve this ungreatful treatment he's been giving you.
tell you what. here's a little bit of advise. you say you have a bit of a belly. why dont you try working on loosing that, treat yourself out to get your hair and nails done, go buy yourself a new outfit (shoes usually help me) and start feeling good about yourself. make it all about you for a change, dont be there for him and wait on him hand and foot, (b/c he expects that) then maybe after awhile he'll come to realize you are the only one for him and he should learn to appriciate you alot more than what he has. i wish you the best of luck. and just remember, you deserve better.
Tough question to answer but things are not always as they appear. With a history of insecurity there is no doubt you feel this way. Finding a way to deal with this is challenging but can be achieved. Do some reading, self help books are great and surrounding yourself with positive affirmantions is a great help also. If it helps my husband often looks at other women and does indeed comment about them, I too used to worry but now I just laugh and remind him that his is an old man and that woman would not want him anyway and he is stuck with little old me, or he might light to go and give it a go but don't come crying to me when she laughs. I know it all sounds so simple but it took me along time to get to this, and now I find myself looking and commenting on younger, lovelier men and commenting to hubby. Believe it or not this can be an advantage to married life and keep the excitment up. There is much more I could offer but would be here all day. I wish you luck. Just one more thing, love and respect you, the rest will follow.
SISTER TO SISTER, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING... IT IS OKAY THAT YOUR HUSBAND LOOK @ OTHER WOMEN JUST ALONG AS HE KNOW THAT YOU IS QUEEN ***** AROUND THE HOUSE AND THAT YOU COME FIRST.. THE NEXT TIME HE SAY THAT YOU SAY DAMN SHE SAID THE SAMETHING TO ME AND WALK AWAY.. (LOL) IF YOU DO THIS HIT ME BACK AND TELL ME ABOUT IT OKAY.. bugg007us@yahoo.com..
Gawking at other women is disrespectful. So is gawking at other men (in your case if you do this to your mate).
Fire a warning shot or two across his bow: ';Hey you! I'm standing right here, and I see you gawking at that woman, and I find it highly disrespectful';.
See if that helps, but... the time to have given him a chance or two to correct this was before you married him.
Based on additional info: whether or not you did anything to earn this disrespect, it can't continue. You must be prepared to leave him.
That's called emotional and psychological abuse, sweetheart, and you deserve someone who WON'T do that to you!
He isn't even worth your time!!
Get out, leave the jerk.
My fiance makes remarks about women too, and even gets a hard on watching Nip/Tuck but wont have sex with me.
I honestly don't know, maybe we both need a better significant other, but I sure don't feel like leaving mine, so maybe you're in the same boat and know the real answer to your question but don't want to accept it.
On the other hand, if you're bothered by it and he threatens to leave you if you don't just accept it, and what you want to do is save your marriage? Seems simple enough - hold in everything you ever feel and don't speak your mind. Then at least one of the people in the relationship will be happy, it just wont be you :(
See a counsellor, and get some help -- it should help you deal with your situation, and deal with the emotional abuse.
I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
Me and my husband have been together for 3 years im 8 months pregnant with our first child to look at us from the outside you would think it was wonderful but behind closed doors we dont talk, touch, have sex nothing we our like brother and sister he does his thing and i do mine. We have talked about splitting up but its pretty much put aside everytime. Ive told him im not happy but i dont think he hears me. How can we put the spark and want to back in our marriage like we used to have. Im ready to give up what should i do because talking and trying to convince him isnt working?I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
Arrange for marriage counselling.I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
you need to go for counseling. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation, or one involving infidelity, so I think you need to take divorce of your list of options. You and him took VOWS in front of GOD!! and now you have a baby on the way! Get your heads back in the game. Go to counseling and find your way back to each other. ';i'm just not happy'; is not a good enough reason to get divorced.
Marriage counseling hun.
That would help both of you.
Please don't give up!!! You and him made a commitement to each other and very soon you will be bringing a baby into this world together. What were the things you two did when you first met? Go to a counselor and/or pastor and maybe they can help. This weekend do something special together. This is technically your first Mother's Day so celebrate that together in a special way. Marriages go through ups and downs and you got to work at a marriage. Remember the for better or worse part saying? Once you see that sweet baby's face that was created and only could of been created by you and him; your marriage should get better. Just remember to give him attention still and not totally ignore him when the baby comes. So, put some makeup on, fix your hair, wear a nice outfit and celebrate this weekend with your husband. Have a Happy Mother's Day, Congratulations on your baby, and Good luck with your future.
According to your letter, he is not being abusive or mean. Therefore, given that you are 8 months pregnant, I would stick it out until at least 6 weeks after the birth of your child. The reason is that, having just had a baby in the past few years, I can tell you that your hormones are probably crazy right now. Also, even if you guys are only great friends right now, he still deserves to be there for the first few weeks of the baby's life until you guys can decide what to do. If you do decide to call it quits later, try to maintain a friendship for the sake of the child. Hope my advice helped. Good Luck!!!
if u want to leave then do so and that will wake him up
Leave!
I am so sorry sweetie.
I would recommend marriage counseling before throwing in the towel
Did you both agree what married life would be like? Why doesn't he see what's going on? Why is he happy with the way things are going? Talk about the ';us'; of the marriage and not about the ';I wants'; and see how you can work that out.
You made a commitment when you were married - for better or worse. So you're going through some worse. All marriages have them and they need to be worked out. It's too easy to give up on someone and go to the next and the next hoping to find happiness without having to work at it.
Try marriage counseling if you can't figure it out yourselves. Don't give up, choose to honor your commitment to each other and work at it.
Having a baby for the first time can put strain on any relationship.
There will be financial obligations you didn't have before, ideas on how to raise the child, and it puts a strain on your social life.
Some men don't want to have sex when the pregnancy is further along because they think they will hurt the baby (which they won't)
Where you unhappy before you got pregnant? If not then you really need to talk about your fears, concerns about having this baby and what you both expect.
If you were both unhappy before then you need to dive in deeper. Figure out what it would take to make you happy and see if it's something you can incorporate into your marriage.
wait until the baby is born then see if things change
Happiness is an inside job....dont give it away to other ppl, not your husband, your kids your family. Only you can decide to be happy right where you are. Love on the other hand is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. So you just need to determine if you are both willing. One no cancels the whole deal...but as long as they are both yeses, then there is a way. God is at the top, overseeing the both of you.....if you are looking to your husband for all the answers then he may just have too much pressure or strain....he shouldnt have to carry your happiness..... last thought---you are pregnant and your hormones are nuts.....check with your doc to make sure this isnt hormonal or depression of some sort....if your body gets worn down because you need vitamins, iron or other supplements you will feel like everything is out of wack... all the best.
I'm lost here...........what are you trying to convince him of?
It could be that with a baby on the way, it causes stress and other issues.
The spark may come back once the baby is born, well not once, cause your going to be very tired and feel tied down.
I'd hate being or feeling I was married to my brother.
Unless both of you are going to try to make it work it is pointless. Both of you need to want it to work and be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Maybe things will change after the baby is born.
Arrange for marriage counselling.I think my marriage is on the verge of being over but i need advice!?
you need to go for counseling. This doesn't sound like an abusive situation, or one involving infidelity, so I think you need to take divorce of your list of options. You and him took VOWS in front of GOD!! and now you have a baby on the way! Get your heads back in the game. Go to counseling and find your way back to each other. ';i'm just not happy'; is not a good enough reason to get divorced.
Marriage counseling hun.
That would help both of you.
Please don't give up!!! You and him made a commitement to each other and very soon you will be bringing a baby into this world together. What were the things you two did when you first met? Go to a counselor and/or pastor and maybe they can help. This weekend do something special together. This is technically your first Mother's Day so celebrate that together in a special way. Marriages go through ups and downs and you got to work at a marriage. Remember the for better or worse part saying? Once you see that sweet baby's face that was created and only could of been created by you and him; your marriage should get better. Just remember to give him attention still and not totally ignore him when the baby comes. So, put some makeup on, fix your hair, wear a nice outfit and celebrate this weekend with your husband. Have a Happy Mother's Day, Congratulations on your baby, and Good luck with your future.
According to your letter, he is not being abusive or mean. Therefore, given that you are 8 months pregnant, I would stick it out until at least 6 weeks after the birth of your child. The reason is that, having just had a baby in the past few years, I can tell you that your hormones are probably crazy right now. Also, even if you guys are only great friends right now, he still deserves to be there for the first few weeks of the baby's life until you guys can decide what to do. If you do decide to call it quits later, try to maintain a friendship for the sake of the child. Hope my advice helped. Good Luck!!!
if u want to leave then do so and that will wake him up
Leave!
I am so sorry sweetie.
I would recommend marriage counseling before throwing in the towel
Did you both agree what married life would be like? Why doesn't he see what's going on? Why is he happy with the way things are going? Talk about the ';us'; of the marriage and not about the ';I wants'; and see how you can work that out.
You made a commitment when you were married - for better or worse. So you're going through some worse. All marriages have them and they need to be worked out. It's too easy to give up on someone and go to the next and the next hoping to find happiness without having to work at it.
Try marriage counseling if you can't figure it out yourselves. Don't give up, choose to honor your commitment to each other and work at it.
Having a baby for the first time can put strain on any relationship.
There will be financial obligations you didn't have before, ideas on how to raise the child, and it puts a strain on your social life.
Some men don't want to have sex when the pregnancy is further along because they think they will hurt the baby (which they won't)
Where you unhappy before you got pregnant? If not then you really need to talk about your fears, concerns about having this baby and what you both expect.
If you were both unhappy before then you need to dive in deeper. Figure out what it would take to make you happy and see if it's something you can incorporate into your marriage.
wait until the baby is born then see if things change
Happiness is an inside job....dont give it away to other ppl, not your husband, your kids your family. Only you can decide to be happy right where you are. Love on the other hand is a commitment, a behavior and an attitude. So you just need to determine if you are both willing. One no cancels the whole deal...but as long as they are both yeses, then there is a way. God is at the top, overseeing the both of you.....if you are looking to your husband for all the answers then he may just have too much pressure or strain....he shouldnt have to carry your happiness..... last thought---you are pregnant and your hormones are nuts.....check with your doc to make sure this isnt hormonal or depression of some sort....if your body gets worn down because you need vitamins, iron or other supplements you will feel like everything is out of wack... all the best.
I'm lost here...........what are you trying to convince him of?
It could be that with a baby on the way, it causes stress and other issues.
The spark may come back once the baby is born, well not once, cause your going to be very tired and feel tied down.
I'd hate being or feeling I was married to my brother.
Unless both of you are going to try to make it work it is pointless. Both of you need to want it to work and be willing to put in the time and effort to make it work. Maybe things will change after the baby is born.
If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
Do you get all the dirty details of affair to help move on? Do you ignore and move forward as if it didn't happen? Do you share all pain you are feeling with spouse or partner or keep it inside in order to not relive it over and over again?If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.
A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.
The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.
Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.
It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.
The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.
The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.
One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.
There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.
It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.
It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.
There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.
Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.
This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.
I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.
If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.
If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.
Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.
So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.
when you figure it out, let me know. It will never be the same, that I can guarantee to you. Whatever once was pure, is jaded... I hate him for what he did to us. And cannot spend one day without remembering it.If your marriage has suffered infidelity or you were cheated on what is best advice for coping and surviving?
As much as it does not seem to make sense the discussion of the ';gorey details'; is essential for rebuilding trust again.
A couples counselor described this process as needed for eliminating ambiguity, establishing the real nature of the affair and for beginning the honesty again.
The questions should be asked and answered with full honesty and clarity in as much detail as the betrayed partner wishes.
Less that exercise there is never going to be an understanding of just how far it went.
It becomes the betrayed partner who must decide if they wish to continue the relationship.
Only through real remorse can the unfaithful partner even suggest a continuation of the relationship.
The unfaithful does not get to hid behind deception any further.
The damage has been delivered already its time to come clean.
One of the most critical steps is a plan to reestablish the broken trust.
There is a very good book which costs about $15 on Amazon or Borders. ';After The Affair'; by Janice Spring.
It is worth every penny and is a good read for both partners.
It is good stuff and costs much less than therapy.
There is one truth to infidelity. The ignore it and move forward as if it did not happen method is a recipe for divorce or a repeat of the activity. That method does not address any of the issues which created this situation.
Face it head on and get it out for repair or dissolution.
This becomes the decision of the betrayed.
You'll probably have to attend professional marriage counselling sessions to determine whether the relationship truly merits going forward, whether it can withstand the fundamental breach of trust that's occurred. If, for example, the breach occurred because one of you decided the marriage was already over, you'll have to address it. Or maybe the offended partner does not have the emotional maturity required to truly forgive the offending partner. Depends on the marriage.
My mother gave me the best advice I'd ever been given when I asked her this same question. She said, if you decide to stay with the cheater you have to move forward as if the cheating never happened. Not only do you have to forgive, you have to forget or the memory of it will eat you alive.
I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I'd always remember, even if I forgave him. So I divorced him.
If you decide to stay with your husband, YES, share the pain with him! You have to let him know how badly he hurt you. But when it comes to getting all the ';dirty details';, you can't do that, not if you want to try and patch things up.
Working through it right now. You have to know why. You need some details, not necessarily everything, but you have to understand why. We are starting counseling. I'm not sure if we will work everything out or not, but we need to get our thoughts lined out. I believe the basics need out in the open. It has to be worked through one time before you can try to forgive and forget. But if the problem is not solved, it is still there, and it will happen again. There is also a website that is helping me. www.feelbetternetwork.com Try it, it helps you sort things out. You still should see a counselor together.
Know the details will never make things easier and will not change what happened.
If you decided that you want to forgive him, then try your best to forgive him. It is going to take time and fights and crying, but eventually it will get better. Just realize that it may not happen over night and that if you really want to work it out you can't hold a grudge.
Eveyone deserves a second chance.
Honey you know your man and you know your situation better than anyone on here. The reality is that this hurts like hell because you have been betrayed. You need to sit down with this man and ask if you decide to stay what are his plans for the future? Does he plan on cheating on you again because if so you must end this marriage. He must be truthful because lies and deception has already tainted the marriage. You love him and he knows this. Ask him to be honest and tell you exactly why he betrayed the marriage were did things go wrong. Tell him to be honest and that you already know that selfishness is a big part of it.To come clean and ask how can you work things out together. Plus tell him that your pain will take time to heal. Once you decide to stay, decide to forgive him, not just for the marriage but for you. It will help you to heal knowing you did nothing wrong. But tell him you will not forget. Good luck and if you need someone to talk to don't hold it in email me at janedoe7991@yahoo.com. I have a sister who is dealing with the same thing.
i was cheated ..first time i knew it was much pain and even wanted to go but then i realized that its not the reason to give up and leave my 20 years of marriage just for one mistake. i am always praying hoping that the pain will be gone that my husband would realize.with Gods help i survived the pain.now im again happy think of nothing else other than to be with my family esp my children and grandchildren.
When my husband cheated, I didn't press for details nor did I ignore the facts. I refused to waste one more minute of my precious time on him. I divorced him and never looked back.
Figure out what was lacking and work on that. Probably blindfold him and give him oral.
The best advice is to leave the relationship. The person has betrayed and disrespect you..it's really hard to get past that.
Leave and move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They never chance and you'll always be wondering.
By realizing my life is better off without a cheater.
So yeah, it means I would no longer be in the marriage. It would be stupid to stay.
Advice on foreign student marriages & becoming a permanent resident?
I am engaged to a foreign student (who is here in the US legally on a student visa) and I was wondering what procedures we need to go through in order for him to become a permanent resident. Since he is already here legally, do I still have to ';petition for immigration';? [Fill out the I-130]
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.elizabeth arden eyeshadow brush
Here is what I [think] I know:
1. We have to be married (hence related) for him to become ';permanent';
2. He needs to be able to live, go to school, and work here in the US
Here is what I'm unsure of...
1. How long will it take, from the date of marriage, to become a permanent resident?
2. Do I HAVE to petition for him as an alien relative?
3. Can we file the I-130 (Petition for Alien Relative), I-485 (Permanent Residency), and the I-765 (Employment Authorization) at the same time?
%26amp; one last one:
4. Does his student status have any effect on this application/marriage process and vice versa (will these changes effect him being able to be enrolled in college)?
As far as the I-485, what is going to change? Is that the ';green card';?
I know that it is basically a request for status change/permanency, but has anyone been through these procedures before?
If you have had experience with (or know of any immigration attorneys according to) foreign marriage to US citizen in US %26amp; steps to becoming a permanent resident, please help!
All help is much appreciated!!!
:)Advice on foreign student marriages %26amp; becoming a permanent resident?
Yes, you may get married in the US and you may file green card application for him (I-130 for petition for alien relative, I-485 for adjustment of status, I-131 for advance parole which is a travel document and I-765 application for work permit and I-864 for affidavit of support), though you will need to prove that you have the financial ability to sponsor him. If you are a student yourself and lack the financial ability, then you would need to find a co-signer for the affidavit of support (I-864).
Once the applications have been submitted, his status changes from F-1 student to AOS adjustment of status/green card pending. USCIS will contact you for interview to make sure the marriage is true. If the green card is approved, it would be a conditional green card, valid for 2 years. You will need to file application to remove the condition before the green card expires.
You should contact the international student office at your husband-to-be's school and see if anyone there can help you. Good luck.
Everybody Loves Raymond, Marie Barone's Advice on Marriage?
Does anybody have the transcript of the speech/advice that Marie Barone gives to Debra,Ray,Robert and Amy about marriage after Amy and Robert try to give their own advice on the subject having only been married for three months? The Episode (#0304 Season 8) is called ';Misery Loves Company';Everybody Loves Raymond, Marie Barone's Advice on Marriage?
Can't remembe what Marie said, but Amy gave them a copy of the book ';Marriage Is An Amusement Park';. That's what started it.
I'm sure she gave them some ';wisdom advice';. lol lol Good question. Keep watching re-runs, it's bound to be on again.
Can't remembe what Marie said, but Amy gave them a copy of the book ';Marriage Is An Amusement Park';. That's what started it.
I'm sure she gave them some ';wisdom advice';. lol lol Good question. Keep watching re-runs, it's bound to be on again.
My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I am married with two girls. I was living in Jamaica for 33 years. I was married for 10yrs and I finally came to live in New York with my husband. But while I was in Jamaica, my husband was sleeping with another Jamaican woman. He has a son with this woman. My eldest daughter joined Facebook and she add my husband son mother as a friend. My daughter showed me the lady on Facebook. The lady posted my husband last name as hers. She adds photos of her in my husband house. My husband is still with her on the low. I told him, how I felt and he started to get mad about divorcing me. What can I do, should I turn to God or should I leave him? What about my daughter, should I tell her to remove the lady as a friend? Help me, I am dying inside. I need bible scriptures to help me.My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31
i think that if you still love him very much try to work things out but if not leave him! there is no sin in divorce as longs as its for adultry!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I have a rule for myself -
If my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is willing to come back to me, by all means, and I will definitely forgive her.
But if my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is unwilling to come back tome, then there's no point continuing the relationship/marriage.
And you could ask your daughter to remove her as a friend, if the photo of that slut offends you.
Go see a divorce lawyer. You'll get your husband's money and custody of your daughters.
Edit:
The lawyer will a percentage of your divorce settlement at the end.
.
You need a good marriage counselor, not YA. Get help.
The last thing you need is bible scripture. You want something to help or disquise the situation? You have two options. You can kick your husband to the curb or you can have a open marriage. Your children will see their half siblings as having done no wrong and the mother as succombing to your husbands advances. If you think you are good looking enough to get another man do it. If it's about money do what will keep you off broke. Your children will not love a broke person. You made the original mistake of not living with your husband from the beginning. You should have known he would get some on the side if you were not there. Accept your own fault.
It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. 'But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31
i think that if you still love him very much try to work things out but if not leave him! there is no sin in divorce as longs as its for adultry!My marriage is on the line, I need advice and help.?
I have a rule for myself -
If my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is willing to come back to me, by all means, and I will definitely forgive her.
But if my girlfriend/wife cheats on me and is unwilling to come back tome, then there's no point continuing the relationship/marriage.
And you could ask your daughter to remove her as a friend, if the photo of that slut offends you.
Go see a divorce lawyer. You'll get your husband's money and custody of your daughters.
Edit:
The lawyer will a percentage of your divorce settlement at the end.
.
You need a good marriage counselor, not YA. Get help.
The last thing you need is bible scripture. You want something to help or disquise the situation? You have two options. You can kick your husband to the curb or you can have a open marriage. Your children will see their half siblings as having done no wrong and the mother as succombing to your husbands advances. If you think you are good looking enough to get another man do it. If it's about money do what will keep you off broke. Your children will not love a broke person. You made the original mistake of not living with your husband from the beginning. You should have known he would get some on the side if you were not there. Accept your own fault.
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